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kamataca

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Posts posted by kamataca

    Do it for Papa!

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I hope tomorrow burns brighter for you. I often feel lost with out my Mom--that one person who was always happy to see me, always had time to listen to me, and always dished out good advice (whether I wanted it or not).

    I'm praying for peace for you. I know this is so very tough.

    Kelly

    "I Did Not Choose..."

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Long, but I thought it was interesting. They handed this out at our children's grief support group this week. Insert your loved one's name in the blank. I found some of the sentences very empowering, after feeling so out of control for so long.

    Kelly

    ****************************************************

    I Did Not Choose to Become Bereaved

    I did not choose to become bereaved.

    I grieve because I loved much. My _______ died, but my ability to love didn’t die!

    Since I loved, and still love very much I expect my grief to be painful.

    I realize that each person grieves differently.

    I accept that other family members have grieved and will grieve differently than I do.

    I have a responsibility to love and live on.

    I can fulfill that responsibility if I grieve and allow others to grieve.

    I am a part of my family and of humanity.

    Grief need not build a wall between my family and me, but can build a bridge.

    I choose to allow grief to strengthen our family ties.

    Grief is very real; it is not rational.

    I am learning to accept in others what appears irrational to me.

    I am learning to accept the irrational in my thoughts and actions.

    Crying is a part of grief and is therapeutic; it is not weak or selfish.

    I must allow myself to cry, even openly.

    Grieving does not answer the question, “Why?”

    Since there is no acceptable answer, I must accept the unanswered question.

    My ____ was a person; an important person to me.

    I will not forget the love and the life we had before the death.

    I cannot return to the ‘normal’ that existed before ____’s death.

    I must go on to what is now to be the ‘new normal’ for me.

    Getting on to a new normal does not mean forgetting _____.

    ______ remains in my thinking and my talking now, and will in the future.

    I cannot be grateful that ___ died.

    I am grateful that _____ lived and choose to express that gratitude.

    I cannot forget the events surrounding the death of my loved one.

    I realize that healing does not mean forgetting.

    If I allow it to, by my grieving, time will produce some healing.

    I could not control the past, which included the death of _____.

    I do have some control over the future as I build the future with my family.

    ____’s death did not happen so that I might become a better person.

    I choose to allow ___’s death and my grief to make me a better person.

    There was much I did not understand before I joined the fellowship of the bereaved.

    Because of my loss, I choose to become more understanding, tolerant, and compassionate.

    My grief has created and brought many emotional needs for me.

    I can meet those needs by meeting the similar needs of others.

    My spiritual beliefs did not die with the death of _____.

    I choose to use them to help me through the difficult times.

    Questioning those beliefs and values is not wrong.

    I will, as a result of my questionings, strengthen my beliefs.

    I did not choose to become bereaved, but I choose to allow good to come out of what has been so painful for me.

    I need a giant whine.......Scroll down for update 1/11

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Yikes! So sorry when the cure is as awful as what ails you. Seems that way at least.

    I can't take codiene-it gives me the hideous dreams--like night terrors--and messes with me. I pray you get more sleep. You are so generous to update us so fully. We love you so much and really do want to know what is going on. You know, we hate to be nosy, but...

    Glad you keep us in the loop. Prayers continue for you.

    Kelly

    Getting to Know You - January 14

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    Well, since it couldn't be the Vikings this year...I will keep cheering on Green Bay (doesn't make sense, I know, but my FIL is a big fan).

    I really feel like this season went on around me this year, and I missed it all. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be at a Super Bowl party. I can watch then.

    Kelly

    What did you keep plus other comments on my day

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Because it is what she wanetd, we donated almost everything of Mom's to Catholic Charities. As 'luck' would have it, they were trying to outfit an apartment for a refugee family the day we called. We filled it! For the most part, we (my brothers and I) agreed that we had enough 'stuff' (Tvs, electronics, furniture, etc) and someone else actually needed it. Seeing them take away 'her chair' was tough, though.

    I did, of course, keep some stuff. All her religious items, and most of her fun, inexpensive jewelry, quilts, lots of pictures. Things she had kept of my dad's. We were trying so hard to donate and move everything, I almost didn't keep her / my dad's yearbooks. I am so glad I did. I was worried about transfering piles of stuff that would just lay around, but my DH told me I should keep them. It makes me laugh to read the signatures, and I look in amazement at her fresh-faced high school self. What dreams she must have had. I'd like to think many of them came true.

    Kelly

    Gratitude - January 14th 2008

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Grateful for a sunny day, and supportive friends. So thankful for the grief support group for kids that starts back up tonight after the holidays...so glad there is a place for the kids to talk things through. Grateful for how much the place is helping them!

    Grateful for the reminder to be grateful.

    Kelly

    1 year today

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    What a tough day. You know, logically, that you did everything you could to help your mom. I've fought the, "Could I have done more?" question, too, but you did not let her down. You held her up every time you had a chance.

    Praying for peace for you today.

    Kelly

    Gratitude - January 12th 2008.

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Grateful for what I hope will be a lazy, fun day. No alarm clock woke me up, and I sat around in my PJs until I finished a book. Off to my boy's basketball game, and back for some time around the house. We never get those kind of days anymore!

    Wishing a happy Saturday to you all!

    Kelly

    If you have a spare prayer for my son.. (not cancer related)

    in HOPE

    Posted

    I know that it would be silly to tell you not to worry, but with all of us praying for you guys, I know everything will be OK. Listen as much to the people who tell you that everything can be all right as you listen to the scary stories you can also drum up. Nah....listen to the positive stories here more. These are people you know who love you.

    Lots of prayers for good test results and peace of mind!

    Kelly

    The crib

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    You did it! None of this is easy, but you keep doing it. You were blessed to learn so many lessons from your mom, and you will pass those on to your little one as well.

    I had a very hard time at the baby shower for my brother's first little one. Fortunately, a couple of Mom's best friends came. It helped me so much to see a part of her represented there...someone I could hug who would hug us back.

    You are doing a great job. She is proud of you.

    Kelly

    Gene passed away

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I am so very sorry for your grief. You were brave, and honored his requests at the end. What a difficult gift.

    We are here for you, whatever you need. I'm praying for you and your family.

    Kelly

    Gratitude -January 11th 2008.

    in HOPE

    Posted

    So are we two days worth of grateful today? :wink:

    For Jan. 10th, I am grateful for my younger (I can't say 'little' any more) brother--it's his birthday today! He has always been such a great support to me, and his little baby girl has been a real blessing for us.

    As for the 11th? I suppose as long as I wake up, I'll be grateful for the day. Friday, right? Bunko with friends.

    I am truly grateful for our dear Jackie and the reminders to seek out the positive in life. I'm having a lot of trouble with that right now, but am training myself to look for the positives each day, thanks to these posts.

    Kelly

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