Justin1970

Good for you for developing a change in attitude! No one deserves lung cancer no matter what they did and embarrassment is just a waste of energy.  Yay for pride--and hope!

To add my 2 cents:  I was a life-long smoker (loved it!!) and quit just a few months before cancer diagnosis, because of symptoms I was having.  Although I'd quit, it was still deeply -- DEEPLY -- embarrassing to realize that I'd smoked all my life and now had smoker's (small cell) lung cancer.  I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.  But I took some deep breaths, remembering that I HAD quit, had done all I could to rectify, that smoking is not 100% death sentence (only about 15%, I'd had bad luck, that's all), was doing quite well in treatment, was finding that I had a very good attitude toward the cancer, life and death -- and, little by little, I got my pride back!  Very important thing, pride.  It's important to be able to hold your head up, not least because quality living, if not survival itself, depends a lot on attitude.  No matter your cancer, nothing out there has say over your pride, claim it for yourself.

Hi sharonkay 
I'm sorry I've only just seen your message ,my wife and I went through the same sort of thing as you with family issues it's been absolutely terrible if you want to talk about it you can always message me or just read my posts, goodluck with everything Take care Justin 

Self righteous folks!  I have lung cancer. I had breast cancer at age 33, 42 years ago.  I also feel guilty about smoking and was surprised when a doc described 20 pack years as short!
 

I hear you and am glad you can reach out here. Sometimes I think people just can’t handle it.  I have no children of my own but have always been close to my nieces and nephew, children nof my oldest sister. I know this situation is a bit different but my sister was very ill and died in November, the day I got the results of my Ct, which was taken for another purpose. I did not tell any of my family until I got the pet scan and biopsy. I called each of the kids and talked to two, who have been supportive from a distance. The niece I have been closest to over the years did not respond for a week and then was very distant. I have not heard from her since. I know those kids went through a lot with my sisters illness and she has had other things but it still hurts.  So I can relate.  I do think, as I said earlier that people may not be able to handle all that goes with this disease.   It sounds like your lobectomy went well and any further as well. My mass is contained in my upper left lobe, with one lymph node outside the lung so no surgery. I am having chemo and radiation (which I finished this week) and then immunotherapy.  I am optimistic and hope you are too.  There are many supporting folks on this site welcome

I discovered I had lung cancer in decemeber 2022. Once I told my sister she wanted me to start calling and informing a list of people so she could talk about it! I said no and she got mad. I then told her that I did not want her telling people at holiday parties. She again got mad. Ultimately she ghosted discussions about me and when my mother was asked about me by cousins, she shussed her. 
For one thing, I can understand why people don't disclose lung cancer. Part of the reason I did not want to be the topic of holiday gossip. Plus, at the time, I had not discussed it with all of my children and it upset me that my sister was all about having something juicy to talk about. For another thing, my family just completely ignored me instead of offering any support or empathy - at my sisters down-playing because I told her not to (while intending to tell close family only) and evident upset that I did not want her to use me as party gossip. I got absolutely zero support from family. Since I missed a holiday gathering - which was early due to sister being out of town and dinner centered around sibling's plane schedule as they all chose to leave on christmas eve and christmas - my brothers and sisters did not give gifts.  (I had actually bought gifts for family prior to surgery)  Seems they/she got mad that I did not travel in zero degree weather 30 miles on bad roads. Fun times. My children (adults) could not make it either because they were working during the week and as well, did not want to risk travel during the extreme weather.
I mean really? Choosing not to travel while in recovery from a lobectomy is something most people would understand, especially when the weather was dangerous.
Has anyone else had family just completely diss you, withholding any type of support, during a cancer crisis? 

I cannot believe these ladies were so heartless, in a cancer support group no less, what an atrocious thing to do!  
Casting blame on others gives many people a sense of power and superiority; I bet you they never blame themselves when they do something regrettable. My doctors asked me if I smoked but I believe that was part of the diagnosis process. They wanted to assess my risk and predict cancer sub type. Outside of healthy living recommendations, or smoking cessation therapy, there is no place for such discourse.
I am afraid the stigma is very real, and even as a never smoker, I learned pretty quickly that I should not volunteer my lung cancer diagnosis info unless I have to. Heck even having told people I merely have cancer caused them to promptly stop interacting with me (parents in my kid's new school). No empathy even from educators. What a world we live in.

Lily,
Well said!
The admixture of scientific knowledge, belief systems, and profit is not well settled. I cringe every time I hear someone cry: "follow the science." These words translate to "do what I tell you to do because I know absolute truth!" Well, let's review absolute truth as it applies to human life because there are only two absolutes: I am born and I die! Just two but these are undeniable, incapable of scientific alteration, and the most perfect system to model. Indeed, these two align perfectly with the binary (base two) mathematical system that underpins all computer-based data processing. More interestingly, and in perfect concert with metaphysics, I do not have nor will I ever have any conscious awareness of time before birth or after death. So, that is it! I know with certainty I am born and I will die. Everything else is subject to a large margin of statistical uncertainty including "the science" everyone screams about!
It follows that if there are only two absolutes in life, then it should follow that these must be the most significant events of humanity: birth and death. And yet it seems we've gotten these two absolutes screwed up!
Most of us, regardless of nationstate affiliation, are an underclass. There is now and has always been an elite slice of society that operates well apart from the rest of us. The elites say we ought to be grateful their largess has produced an exorbitantly priced elixir that may extend our time by some forecasted amount. We ought to gratefully hand over our ten thousand dollars and "follow the science." Just "stay at home" and "consider that [our] life is not worth living." What was the name of that courageous Indian Maiden in the iconic film "Dances With Wolves?" Stands With A Fist! That is what we need to do much more of, especially to those that scream--follow the science!
Stay the course.
Tom