Tracy

Well Dad saw his Chemo oncologist on thursday. He will start that on July 15th and if he is able to complete it all they will go four cycles ending in September but possibly only two (which they say could be enough anyways). He did not agree with DR.#1's idea of possibly having surgery at a later date. He said that it would be very risky due to the pulmonary artery's location and that dad could possibly die on the operation table. So now it looks like the "chance" I was praying for is gone forever. I had a long talk with my mom last night (and some of it with my dad...he doesnt like to talk about cancer all the time) and it somewhat relieves me. I now know what kind of approach will be taken and even though he may not have the surgery to remove the tumor, I am optimistic that it WILL shrink....as my doctor put it "he may still have a slug in him, but as long as that slug doesnt move around too quickly he could still live another 2-3 or even 20 years after". Dads concerned about the pain he will face during radiation. He must lay still with his arms over his head and that causes quite abit of pain in his shoulder area. During his fitting on thursday he says it hurt alot. On that day he had taken a pain pill just before going so we are thinking maybe he should take it about two hours before the rad so it will take effect. On July 11th he has another CT scan. Apparently he has been having headaches and not telling any of us. They are going to check for any brain activity. We joked around that they are not going to find anything cause first they will have to search for the brain! The scan just may prove my mother in that my dad has nothing between his ears!! So thats it for now....once again the waiting begins..til next week anyways. Tracy

Hi Annie, They also said that perhaps they could do a surgery afterwards and said something about teflon. We will have to wait until after the treatment ends in September to see more about that then. I hope your follow-up visit with your husbands surgeon goes well and if you do discuss the teflon I would certainly appreciate your letting me know more about that then. Tracy

Hi Everyone, Since I last updated you on my daddy (in the family/caregiver forum) he has slowly started to lose his voice. This started last sunday and has gotten worse to the point where he sounds Brando-ish! Today he saw his chemo oncologist (who I call DR.#2) and he said that the tumor is pushing hard on a nerve on his one of his vocal chords and this is the result of it. He also upset my dad when he said that he probably will never get his voice back. I know this is bothering Dad a great deal but I would rather have him around, husky voice and all, than not at all. My question to you is.....has anyone out there experienced this at all and if so was it a permanent loss or did it come back? I would appreciate any feedback you may have. Thanks Tracy

Shannon, Like the others above I too am typing this with tears in my eyes. I have been following your story since I joined this board back in April. You have been so inspiring to me, the love and support you have shown for your husband leaves me breathless. I am so terribly sorry you are having to go through this. You are an amazing woman, which is clear to us all based on the amount of replys to this post, and I know you will remain strong and keep Mikes memory alive. God bless you and your family. Tracy

Shannon, You and mike are always in my thoughts. I hope the Mikes "fog" lifts and he will regain his strength. Wishing you all the best. Tracy

Shannon, I agree so much with the others....your posts are inspiring. You are not a quitter ,its clear in your posts just how much you want to fight....and fight you should! If you were walking down the street and a random stranger came and slugged in the face you wouldnt just drop down to the ground and hope they dont hurt you too badly! Of course not, you'd get right back up and slug them even harder then they hit you. My family worries about me. They think that I am getting my hopes up too high about my dad beating this. Well you know what.....they will just have to continue worrying or come to realize that a slim to none chance of beating it is still a chance! Dont let anyone tell you when or how to fight, you just do what you feel is best for you and Mike Remember....it's not over til the fat lady sings. I hope you continue with your postings and I will say a special prayer for you tonight. Tracy

Dad had his meeting with the radiation oncologist (dr.#1) and will see his chemo oncologist (dr.#2) next week. Dr.#1 has indicated he wants to do 6 weeks of rad 5 times per week. Dad will go for his fitting (not to knowledgable on this) next week and likely start the following week. They did another chest xray to see if the cancer has spread because dad is in alot of pain which they say he shouldnt be in. They also scheduled another ct scan because dad has been getting alot of headaches so they want to check that out. Next week they will meet with Dr.#2 to determine the treatments. Dr.#1 thinks it will likely be three times per week in conjunction with the rad. After Dad is done with treatment they will do more scans and send them to Dr.#3 (lung surgeon) who happens to be dads surgeon from 1989 when he had part of his lung removed due to cysts. Dr.#1 says that there is a slim to none chance that the tumor will shrink enough to be able to have surgery BUT.....there is a chance! Even a small chance is a chance, right! So thats the update for now...will get into further detail later but its been a long day filled with lots of typing so I need to get off this thing! My prayers are with you all

Well, we just did the Fathers Day thing. Made sure this year I got the Perfect Card that says exactly how I feel...usually I go with funny haha kind...but not this year. Dad came over and we all had a nice bbq. It was great. But then it turned...... Dad started coughing and couldnt stop....lots of blood. It scares him so much and as a result scares us too. It went on for about 15 min and then Dad finally said he had to go home. He doesnt want any of us to see him that way, so he would run to the bathroom and stay in it for a few minutes, come out and do it all over again. We tried to see if he wanted a bucket of some sorts or kleenex but he has too much pride. So he left. And thats when my breakdown started. It was so hard to hold it all in while he was coughing. The second he left I just couldnt control my bawling. I am so scared. The oncologist appointment is on tuesday. I pray that he will be able to get dad going on some kind of treatment. I have set my mentality to expect the worst but hope for the best. I am hoping that perhaps with treatment maybe he will become operable. I have read it on here before so I know that tumors do shrink. My brother-in-law thinks that by coming onto this site I am setting myself up to break when dad dies. He thinks this is a false hope. But even when I read about people who have lost their battle (and I cry and cry and cry) I still feel better by finding this site. I find it truly amazing how people who have never met can reach out and support a stranger. Just having a place to vent is keeping me sane.....Thank you to all of you for supporting me through this hard time...My prayers are with you all.

Ray, I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you! I know we havent officially met but I read your posts and you sound like a tough guy who will definately beat this! I'm glad to hear that your first chemo is out of the way and you are feeling so great. Tracy

Hello everyone, Its been about a week since I have been posting...seems longer. I escaped my life for a few days and went to Reno to visit with a friend. Being young and foolish I decided to drink away my blues. Well it worked, temporarily of course, but boy did it leave a hangover! The second the plane landed I immediately started bawling...I didnt want to come back to my life. I didnt want to deal with anything anymore. After landing I called my parents to let them know I had landed ok and my dad answered the phone. We did the whole " I am ok" "did you have fun" "yup but tired, tell ya more when I get home" and then he said "I MISSED you". WELL...let me tell you what that did to me!!! The floodgates were opened! We are a very close family but it was the way he had said it, like hes starting to say things more frequently because he wants us to know how he feels. It hit me like a tonne of bricks...my Daddys dying. Up to that point I have always been "Rah Rah we are going to beat this" not letting any negativity bring me down. But all of a sudden I had to deal with the reality that my father is dying and no one is doing a Damned thing about it! We still have yet to see an oncologist...why is this taking so long...its almost like they have given up on him because no one seems to be fighting for him! This disease makes me so angry. My mom had asked me to come over the next night to tell them about the trip. For once Dad was actually interested in what was going on around him and not just blankly staring at a wall or someone. It was a good night and it brightened my spirits a little. The next day my sister and I walked over to our parents house for coffee after work (we decided that we will be doing this quite regularly from now on) but it depressed the hell out of me.It is so sad to see the way he looks at my nephew...like he is trying to absorb it all...doesnt want to miss one smile. He is really depressed and it really bringing my whole family down. I guess the "happy" pills arent working yet. I am very scared that we are going to lose dad quickly...he just looks so frail and weak...like if you blew he would break. He has been coughing up a whole lot of blood (so much the doctor is running more tests to ensure that he isnt losing too much) and is in a tremendous amount of pain. He has been popping the tylenol 3's like they are candy! I also fear for my mother. My sister and I can deal with losing Daddy, we'll have to I guess, but my mom really scares us. She keeps saying that if Dad goes she is going too! I realize alot of people may say this but we truly believe it could be possible. She talks about taking awhole lot of pills and just going to sleep. I think it is time for me to see someone professionaly. My doctor wouldnt give me an anti-depressant because she doesnt believe I am depressed, but she did give me an anti-anxiety pill. Its non-addictive so it takes three weeks to take effect. I dont think I can wait three more weeks, my brain is fried! My work has a counciling firm on staff so perhaps I should look into that. I am so sorry for going on and on...you dont realize how much you are typing until you stop for a brief moment and look up! I hope everyone is doing well. I am so sorry for those that have lost a loved one while I was away from the board. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Shannon, Thanks for all the updates...glad to hear Mikes doing better. I just love to look at your picture and see the love you both share, it reminds me of my parents. Take care of yourself. Tracy

Hooray Lucie!!! Thanks for the update Don....Love to hear it! Tracy

This is fantastic...I havent been to the "good news" forum in awhile and the first two I read (yours and KatieB's) have given me a lift. I wish you all continued success. Tracy

Thanks for sharing the GREAT NEWS! Wishing you all the best.

Dad had his ultrasound done yesterday and...... Good News!!! Finally some news! The liver is fine!!!! Initially we did not know, as the lab sent the pictures only and not the report. They think that it may have spread into his chest wall and so more tests are scheduled. The biopsy is next wednesday, the bone scan is next tuesday, today was a breathing test, more blood work....poor guy. Apparently surgery looks out of the question as the tumor takes up about 1/2 of the lung and is around an artery. Still have to wait two more weeks ( one week for the test and then a week for the results to come back) but at least we have hope now! After talking with my mom yesterday ( no one said anything about the liver and neither her or my dad ASKED!) I got so incredibly down in the dumps myself.....she told me to wake up and face the fact of what is going on and start preparing. I felt like I had a huge amount of weight on my shoulders for the entire night, not good! But today I talked with my mom and I told her that until I am told otherwise I feel that there is always hope and I will remain positive. And I cant deal with their negativity. She understood and said she would try to be better. And then she called with the great news!!!! She had called the doctor about an anti-depressant and he told her everything was ok with the liver. This is the best possible news for right now, it has changed my mothers view altogether....now she has hope too! Crossing my fingers that she remains hopeful and that it may rub off on my dad!

Hi Carleen, I have only been dealing with this disease for a short time now but what has helped for me was taking all the negative energy and turning it into anger. Once I get angry enough about the situation it makes me want to fight like hell (although I cant fight for my dad I can for myself). I can appreciate that it is different for me dealing with the potential loss of my father than it is for you, and that everyone deals with things differently but this way of dealing with it has stopped the pity party for me. I no longer allow myself to think about the "what if's" because they are no longer a possibility for me. Keep your chin up!

Well we received the results today.....not much of a help though as more tests need to be done. The doctor wants to do a biopsy of the lung tissue and also would like to do a ultrasound as the CT scan showed that the liver is enlarged. I am very scared.My mom has deduced that by the liver being enlarged that that means that it has spread. The doctor didnt say that exactly but he didnt say that it wasnt a concern either. We all thought that we would know more about what we are facing today but instead now we have to wait for future dates unknown as to when he will get those tests, but they did put a rush on it. My parents have decided to take off again...hopefully this is just for the day...after my dad was diagnosed they took off to the States to go play at the casino and didnt come back for days. My dad didnt want to come home. I feel so alone right now. I have no one to turn to. My mom and dad have each other, my sister has her husband and I am alone. My exboyfriend (I was with him for 5 yrs and although we are no longer dating we are still the best of friends) was not around when my mom went through her cancer battle (he was over in the Persian Gulf during the Gulf Crisis a few years ago) and I was so relieved that he would be here for me now. I feel safe when he holds me. But he does contract construction and left for Oklahoma last friday. I feel terrible in saying this, but I dont want to be around my mother right now. She heard the word cancer and immediately gave my dad a death sentence. She hears nothing my sister and I say to her. I want to slap her and tell her that even though I cannot fully understand what she is going through, being that this is her husband/best friend, she needs to remember that this is our father and we need her to be here for us too. I am the baby of the family and yet it seems that I have to be the one to hold us all together. I feel that this is too much to take on. Sorry for going on and on but I need to get some of this off my chest.

Well today dad had his CT scan so now hopefully we will have the results by either tomorrow or the next day. My aunt and uncle came for a visit from out of town this weekend and we had a group meeting where we basically told my dad that we were going to kick his butt if he didnt snap out of it and start fighting. I think it may have worked because yesterday before I left the house I gave him a hug and told him to think positive and he responded saying that he was going to fight! Now I dont know if that was for my sake or if he really meant it. Hopefully he did. Its scarry not knowing anything, but I am also scared of what they may tell us. Just going to keep thinking positively and praying lots.

Hi Deb, my name is Tracy and I am new to this board. I just wanted to say thank you for posting this topic. My dad was diagnosed just last week (pancoast tumor...thats all I know at this time because my parents didnt digest what they were being told at the doctors..) and I have to admit that my first thoughts were of all that I will miss out on if I lose my dad. I am only 25 and dream of my dad walking me down the aisle someday. But then I read your post and it made me stop and realize you are exactly right...I have GREAT parents and such a loving family that even if I should be unfortunate to miss out on certain life experiences I truly have had remarkable ones thus far. Thanks for making me realize just how fortunate I am.....even if we are experiencing this crisis. God bless. Tracy

Thank you all for your well wishes....I am so glad that I found this website. It truly is wonderful to hear all the support and see all the wonderfull stories of people surviving this awful disease. Its a waiting game right now until we get the CT scan done and see what lays ahead. Thank you again, my outlook has already done a complete turnaround

New to the board and for some reason I was not logged in while posting that topic....for reference my name is Tracy