hollyanne
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Posts posted by hollyanne
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Cindy -
I would ask your dad what HE wants to do. I think that we too often keep telling people "to fight" and that it makes them feel guilty. Towards the end, my mom said "I don't want to leave all of you, but I am ready to be comfortable" -- and that was o.k. with us. Let him know, that this is up him, but that all of you will support whatever decision her makes.
If he wants to stay home then really discuss hospice and what the purpose is, etc. Heraing the "h" word is so very difficult. With my mom, we discussed the fact that nothing changes from the miunte before and the minute after you chose hospice...except that you have more people helping out. You don't suddenly get sicker. He is still in control...people have chosen hospice and then decided to try aggressive treatment again. Hospice's job is to make him comfortable and to help your family.
Once we really talked about this with my mom, it made more sense. She wasn't "giving" up but choosing to be comfortable and with us all at home.
Thinking of you. This is so tough, I know.
Holly
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My mom was the same as cindy's dad -- had great results with patches..although we changed them every 60 hours -- she was up to 200mg and not too "whacky" -- she couldn't tolerate morphine orally, but could when it was in the pump to the blood stream. She also used the suckers for breakthrough pain.
She was on vicodin/lortab for a long while, yet she developed a stomach ulcer from taking those as well as so much anti-inflammatory stuff. the steriods also did wonders for her pain.
DEMAND pain control - watching my mom in pain until we got it under control was by far the worst thing for all of us. Once she got the morphine pump -- she said "I actually feel normal."
Holly
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Malou -
I am shocked and so sorry...so very sorry. I am here for you when you are ready...just a few miles away. Your love for him is unmatched...and I know that your faith will get you through the coming days and months.
All my love and prayers,
Holly
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Oh Missy - my heart breaks for you right now. Yet, if it has to be, at least you have time with your mom, you are open with her and she is painfree. So many prayers for you in the weeks ahead. Hospice will be of great help, lean on them as much as you can. I am so sory that you have to go through this...but I promise you that you are so much stronger than you could ever imagine. Love your mom and cherish the time you have...you will never, ever regret being there with her.
Love,
Holly
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Andrea -
Thinking of you tonight -- and praying that your levels go up.....
Holly
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Hi -
I understand your surprise...my mom's lung tumor was tiny and remained that way...yet she had mets. basically, once the cancer is in the blood stream, it can never be removed, yet it can be stabilized for a period of time. The bad news is, it is in the blood stream -- the good news is that she probabyly won't have "lung cancer symptoms" -- my mom never had shortness of breath, a cough, or anything related to the lungs. Remember, there are people on this board who were stage IV at diagnosis and continue to live rich lives years later.
Accept the diagnosis, don't accept the statistics or prognosis!
Lots of love,
Holly
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Hi -
yep, Mom's Day was hard for a lot of us...yet you got through it right? That is what I remind myself of when the days are so difficult. You are so new to this "loss thing" -- I didn't believe it, but time does help a little bit...it feels a little less raw. Not to say that there aren't days when I just want to curl up and die...yet those are less frequent.
Could you ask your SF for some of her ashes? My mom's are with my dad, but I am thinking about having some with me. As far as he goes...everyone grieves differently...he loved her of course -- but she gave birth to you! Your tie will last forever and ever.
Lots of love,
Holly
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Absolute prayers for Rose. Prayers for peace of mind and acceptance of whatever God's will may be. Let her know that there is a huge community of prayers for her!
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Hey Mary -
My mom had terrible rib pain from bone mets...radiation zapped the pain fairly quickly. If that is what you have -- they will look for angles to avoid organ tissue..so it really depends which ribs are bad. In my mom's case, they were able to up the radiation to get it done more quickly since no organs were in clear site. In the meantime, tell your doctor that the pain is unaccetable...and get whatever pain stuff you need!
Thinking of you,
Holly
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My mom loved hers...in her chest. her veins were so shot, and "getting stuck" consistently caused her so much anxiety. She was given general anesthesia when she got hers...an outpatient procedure. She was never stuck again for anything -- blood draws, contrast, morphine, chemo, etc.
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teri -
I don't even know you...but I pray for you every night. You are such an inspiration to s many people, you are truly a blessing. As I am sure you have found out, hospice is wonderful. If the patches aren't working well, can they just stick you on a morphine pump at low dosages...with the "white button" for breakthrough pain? My mom had the same tummy issues with everything except the patches, suckers and pump.
So much love to you and your family!
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I know how much you loved your dad. This is such a tough time. Take time and simply be thankful that you had the relationship that you did. I will pray for peace and strength for all of you in the coming weeks and months. Your dad is free!
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SUPER HOORAY. Oh Charlie, I am so happy for you. Hang in there with the WBR -- just know you are beating down the sh***y beast!
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Connie -
I will definitely hold you guys in my prayers. I know how terribly scary all of this...you start living minute to minute, waiting for the next "thing" to happen. Sounds like you are taking each day as it comes, which is all you can do. Keep seeking out information, it will give you a little better sense of control.
Thinking of you guys,
Holly
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Such great news.
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Steph -
I sent you a PM as well...first take a deep breath, You will make it through all that is being out before you. You will be shocked at how strong you can be when you need to be.
I am sorry that you had to find us, yet grateful that you did. the people on this board will provide you with a lifeline of support and information. I never could have made it through my mom's illness without this support.
Where does you mom have mets? (she is stage IV, right?) How is she doing now? Is there a treatment plan in place? How is her attitude?
I know that everything seems to be crashing down on you right now. Prayers for peace of mind for you and strength. My mom too was my best friend. I still don't understand why this terrible disease happened to her..as I am sure you don't understand. remember to accept the diagnosis, but forget about the statistics...help your mom fight this!
Please keep us posted on her and on your situation as well.
Much love,
Holly
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Praying for you so hard...I just want you to have some peace. I know how scary it is. Your dad will get through it -- none of this will be easy, because it simply isn't. I have chnaged my life completely to be with my dad since my mom died....I so badly want to "fix" everything for him, as you want to for your dad. Just be there for them, that is the best you can do and it DOES matter so much that you are "there." At the end of the day, everyone has to go through this journey for themselves as much as we want to help carry them.
It absolutely sucks - that is the only way I can explain it. Keep your eyes open for the blessings that are out there. It is amazing how what makes us happy or what gives us a boost changes after going through this type of hell.
Praying that your mom wil get some clarity and that through medicationm/radiation they can even out her mental clarity. My mom went through a strange experience that was actually caused by a reaction to Ativan...praying that your "solution" is as easy.
Holly
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Cindy -
I am so sorry - yet you have such a great attitude. You are right, the future is in God and your dad's hands -- Val took the words out of month. You don't know if you have a day or a month, do whatever you can to be with him. Hospice will get his pain under control and hopefully he will be comfortable -- he deserves it as does your family.
Prayers for peace of mind and strength for you.
Holly
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I am praying si hard for you tonight. This had to be terrifying. I am so hopeful that steroids/radiaion will control the swelling that may be causing the delirium. Praying for a Mother's day gift of getting your mom back.
Love to you,
Holly
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new grandmom
in HOPE
HOORAY - a sweet little life. Congratulations.
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Thanks for the encouraging notes. I am the biggest mess I have been since losing my mom. It seems like adrenaline has been running me for so long - going back and forth between Utah and California, taking care of the Bug, having friends come visit, not really settling back into "normal life" -- I am terrified of slowing down and missing her so much, just so very much.
I am trying so hard to be positive, to support everyone around me, to keep a strong faith, but at times I just can't stand it. I talked to my mom 5-6 times every single day since I moved away from her house 15 years ago.....and now I cry for her and for my dad who simply misses her so very much. My dad was a pro basketball coach for years -- he was gone so much so that he could provide my family with a great life...these were the years that mom and dad were supposed to relax, travel and enjoy each other... It isn't fair. I am sorry that all of us are touched my this f'ing disease in some way or another.
Sorry for venting. I can't sleep.
Love to all,
Holly
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Praise God! I am so happy for you guys. Isn't it amazing how everything can seem like it is going downhill so quickly and then things pick up?? Hugs to you both.
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Jana -
Unfortunately there are a lot of us in the "club" this year -- those experiencing Mother's day without mom for the first time...and attempting to celebrate our first Mother's Day as a "mom."
I don't have any words to make it easier as I am struggling as well. I do think that my mom will be in Heaven on this Sunday and so enjoying the day. I am also so thanful of the relationship I had with my mom over the years, so many of my friends would kill for even a year of the relationship we had -- Be thankful you had your mom for so many years and were so close...and know that she is thrilled with that little baby of yours.
Prayers for all of us new motherless daughters this year.
Love,
Holly
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You are doing the right thing and will never regret it. Please try and get someone to help you -- even if it just a family friend who can be with him when you are not. Of course you are not prepared, there is no way you could be, but I believe you are being led to make these decisions --- I did many of the same things, quit a great job, moved from CA to UT, and ended up having my baby with a different OB in a state other than where I live -- YET, I am so happy I did. I lamented so much in the beginning over decisions, and then they all became very clear...after that I never looked back. You can do this - and you will find a way to do it.
Thinking of you. You are a truly amaing daughter, and I am positive that your dad is so very proud.
Mom Is Back In the Hospital
in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER
Posted
Linda -
I am terribly sorry that you all are facing these rapid changes. Prayers that you will be led to make the right decisions and that both of you will have the strength and peace to accept whatever comes your way...not too mention prayers that she improves.
Holly