Remembering Dave

Kate, Our deepest condolences. You are way too young to lose a parent. At age 27 I knew nothing of these burdens. You sound like you are doing OK and you will get through this, but stay with us for support if it helps you. We love you. God Bless, Karen

well, all of that truly stinks, and the only thing I can think of is, well, she is, after all, your sister - and even if she doesn't want you working there and even if you don't want to be working there, can't she at least work something out to keep you on the company health insurance plan? Because she is your sister? I sure hope so. If not, keep it through COBRA until you can get another job and more health insurance. Keep us posted, Karen

When I grow up, I want to be Fay. And I am going to live every day like it's my last day. and I don't have cancer. Thank you for the reminder. Fay, we did try to go to the circus, but Dave only lasted about 45 minutes. That's OK, because we went, and Faith enjoyed it while we were there, but the circus, frankly, was horrible this year so we lost nothing by leaving early. but at least we did it, and we did it in the middle of a crisis. Lesson learned: we had our doubts and apprehensions about going, but we went. maybe we didn't do it up big, but we did it. thank you for being a big inspiration to all of us. p.s. I am such a tomboy that I HATE getting dressed up, but I love the idea of your girls night out! God Bless, Karen

Addie, I've been reading what's going on with you but haven't posted anything because I've been so devastated and caught up in Dave's current fight. You guys are pretty close to being in the same place. I am so glad that your onco doc and his staff says it does work. Our onco doc had just finished up with a patient in the room across the hall that has a sclc recurrence and is taking topetecan and it appears to be working, I think he just started really. It doesn't matter our age. we all have things we want to get done in our lives. living the gift of life that God gave to us is important, and the best way to do that is to live each day to it's fullest, like Fay said in her post Monday, and like DeanCarl is living through example every single day. I just talked to Dave via cell phone and the chemo is dripping as we speak. Our very own BeckyCW (Dave's sister) will be here in Richmond any time now and I so welcome the hands on support. Addie, let's hold hands through cyber space and walk this path together. I have HOPE and OPTIMISM that this drug will work for you and Dave. God Bless everyone and thanks for your love, Karen

Took a xanax in the onco doc's waiting room today. was my first time. been putting it off b/c didn't want to be a zombie and have to take care of Faith and Dave. Man, that stuff ROCKS. Didn't zombie me, but it was sort of like, well, it made it impossible for me to cry. that was all. it was the first conversation I've had about Dave in four days that didn't involve sobbing! see my post under General for an update on today. Better living through chemicals! Karen

what a weekend. after getting the devastating news on Friday about Dave's bone mets, we were crushed. and I watched Dave go steadily downnhill over the weekend. all of a sudden he realized why he'd been feeling so bad. so bad he'd been trying to ignore it. and now he could ignore it no longer. by Friday night he was feeling bad. he woke up Saturday morning in pain and could barely move. Saturday night he slept hard and unusually long and would fall asleep in the chair on Sunday in the middle of a conversation. I was getting worried and panicky. I thought he was slipping away in front of me. He also admitted he was becoming deeply depressed - Dave, the most mentally in control person I have ever known in my entire life, becoming visibly deeply depressed. Soo, this morning, after I dropped Faith off at daycare, I decided to just pop into the onco doc's office (literally a half mile from daycare) and insist on talking to either the doc or his nurse, making sure they knew about this diagnoses immediately (he was out of the office last week), making sure they would immediately start a plan of action, we HAD to be doing something, Dave and I were going crazy with worry and I was worried about his physical and mental condition - not to mention my mental condition. I hadn't stopped sobbing all weekend. Which made Faith just cling to me like velcro. Parked the car, got out and saw the nurse walking up the sidewalk. Told her, in between blubbering, what was going on, she was shocked. Said she'd get all the scan results together, put it all right in front of the doc as soon as he got in, find a patient she could switch Dave's Wed. appt. with for today, and would call on my cell to let me know when to come in. 12:30. Met Dave there, this was after my 9:00 appt. with Faith's shrink (what a Godsend and angel this woman is) and my 11:00 appt. with my shrink (who listened with great empathy and got me focused on the logically obvious - once we met with the doc and got a plan, we'd feel better.) Ok, so the plan is, Dave starts tomorrow on chemo Topotocan (sp?) and an iv med, zometa, which is to strengthen his bones. RFA is out for the liver met, because of the chemo - doesn't want to do any surgery b/c the chemo would interfere with healing. hopes the chemo will get the liver met. He was going to order radiation to the hip met, but after questioning Dave, decided he wasn't in pain, it just felt weak, and he didn't want to radiate and kill bone marrow while he was getting chemo. Makes sense. Did order xray of hip to see closer what damage was there. said the spine and hip mets were spots, not one big long tumor. What I don't want to say here, but I will, is that we asked him - is this chemo to prolong his life, make things easier for him, or this a possible cure. He said he wouldn't rule out a cure, but without a miracle, Dave might have six months left. I asked him, have you ever in your practice seen what you would call a miracle? Answer, Yes. OK, I said, I believe that miracles don't come easily. Miracles have to be worked toward. God helps those who help themself, in whatever way they are able. We are going to think positive, do what we can, and ask God for a miracle to happen through this chemo. I asked the doc if he believed that's the way it worked, and he said yes, that sounds right to me. So the three of us agreed, we are working towards a miracle, and we aren't giving up. so much better, because at one point over the weekend, Dave said he wasn't sure he could take any more fight. but he can, I know he can, and I, and his family, will get him through it. We feel better, we CAN do something, but we're scared. I can't begin to imagine my life without Dave, Faith's life without her daddy. I can't even imagine what Dave is feeling. I know his faith is strong, and he can be ready for the next step, but I know he doesn't want to leave us. but I REFUSE to believe this is it. I won't give in or give up. and neither is Dave. I told him that I think I've been taking the whole cancer thing for granted. I've just always assumed that no matter what, he'd eventually kill all the cancer in his body and be ok. But now, it's literally life or death, no question about it. The thing with small cell is, it's just so aggressive, so sneaky, so fast growing and moving. It's not a cancer you can stablize and live with for long periods. It seems to be either kill it or die. Well, I will close now. I know everyone will ask God for a miracle for us and I greatly appreciate it. God Bless us all, Karen

Bumping this to the top. I'm scared, scared, scared. Dave is not doing so well. He hurts all over and is down in the dumps, an understatement, Not like him at all. I'm sitting here in the dark alone thinking, we need to take deep breaths and start another big fight! faith is awake, gotta run! God Bless, Karen '

Rosey, lose your job? because you had therapy? what kind of work do you do? at my job, if you're having personal problems they can practically make you go to therapy, or at least make you go see the employee assistance people. how is your husband doing? I just noticed that he has sclc with mets to the spine and now so does Dave. wondering how his spine is doing. Karen

I have an ambien prescription but don't use it much, taking a benadryl at bedtime seems to knock me out sufficiently. I think I'll just take the xanax before I walk into another doctor's office again. Karen

Hey, Schmay and Frank, you guys are HIILARIOUS. Man, if I could only find a 20 year survivor who had ext. sclc with mets to the spine and liver, I'd be a happy girl. I almost had a breakdown in the radiation onco doc's office today when he gave us the news about Dave's spine mets. the good doc handed me a script for xanax, and I'm not even his patient, ha. so I enjoyed your exchange. Karen

I'm in . . . Karen

Fay, you are too much. A well deserved and hard earned pity party. I very very much enjoyed talking with you on the phone the other day. you have a beautiful voice, oxygen deprived or not. Love and blessings, Karen

Karen and I went to my Radiologist this morning and got even another surprise. He verified that yes, there does appear to be a tumor on the surface area of my liver, He did not give me any kind of a measurement on it but indicated that it is pretty large, will have to get more specific info on this. He then said that the PET Scan showed it had also spread to my lower spine and hip bones. My Oncologist is out of town until next week so we have an appointment to see him on Wed. to go over any treatment options which might be available etc, etc. and get a plan of action. In the meantime we are all going to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus tomorrow. I played trumpet in the band for several years back in the 80's whenever they came to town. Faith should love it, if she can stay awake. Please keep us in your prayers David C.

Yo Beth, b*tch slap, 'dis, b*tch. David C

Geez, I go in to see my shrink sobbing and walk out, if not smiling, at leaset CALM. She has a calming effect. If you cry the whole time, how can you get any progress made? I wouldn't trade her for the whole world. She's in her '60's and I hope she doesn't retire before I get through all of this! Karen

I can add nothing except to say how sorry I am and how I can't believe you and your Mom are going back and forth with these cancers. My prayers are with you both, and please keep us posted. and again, as usual, Fay is the voice of wisdom. Karen

THANK YOU GOD!!! Karen

besdies which, what is with that term "b____ slapped?" That's the ugliest thing I've ever heard. I don't think I even understand it. Why would anyone use that term to someone with cancer? Karen

I don't think it's a very appropriate way to motivate someone. I believe in motivation with positive thoughts and actions. I've met Beth's family and they are awesome. She has the best kids in the whole wide world. She's a great mom and they love and ADMIRE her. AND BETH - CHANGE YOUR AVATAR - let's see a smiling face! Or something goofy like you, girlfriend! Karen

Ry - how could I have forgotten about Cindy RN? But you see, it's been a hard, stressful, panicky tiring week. I did just go in and read hers. yep, hers was bad - and she's still kicking and doing well and apparently friends with NED. Just looking for some hope. whenever Dave was doing well I wanted him to be giving others newly diagnosed hope. Someone else sent me a PM about their dad being a long term SCLC extensive survivor. feeling much better now! we get PET scan results in the a.m., and sure hope we only have the liver met to deal with! God Bless, Karen

Just did the poll. YES. in fact, saw her today! I couldn't have gotten through my clinical depression a few years back w/o my clinical psychologist. Karen

wow, sounds like a banner day, or at least a banner chemo day! glad you're off to such a great start, and I think I'll join Andrea with that mushroom pizza party! Karen

what a day. VERY LONG STORY, but basically this afternoon I took the CD of Dave's CT scan to the radiation oncologist who pulled it up right then and there, read it, then took me into a private room and talked to me. Dave had gone home after his pet scan because he felt so horrible. I didn't sleep a wink last night and feel horrible too but was at least functioning (in between bawling my head off). anyway, the radiation onco doc and his staff are wonderful awesome folks. he told me there is indeed a tumor in the liver, appears to be a surface tumor. he thinks it can be gotten with RFA. the pet scan should clear up the speculation about the lima beans in the brain - light 'em up if they are tumors. meanwhile, I couldn't get through all day to anyone at the onco doc's office who could tell me how soon we can see him about all of this. so I told the radiation onco doc's nurse. they aren't with the same practice. the pet scan was done in the same cancer center as the radiation onco doc, so she told me they will pull it up on the computer tomorrow, call the onco doc's office and insist they see dave asap about it. meanwhile, after that, I finally find out onco doc is out of the office until Monday. so we really can't have a plan of action or know what the pet scan says until then. maybe the radiation onco doc will see us tomorrow and at least explain that to us. I just want to quit my job so I can work on this full time. the fight is very real now. but I can't. I know they are fed up with my comings and goings, but I will do what it takes to help dave fight this. his life is much more important than anything, and to me the most important aspect of my job right now is just keeping it and I've got the FMLA. Your prayers are appreciated! thanks! Karen

Sharyn, you have every right to be frightened by this. But, you did the first right thing, and that was getting the mammagram. Good for you. If it is cancer it was caught early. but just b/c you got a follow up call doesn't mean it is. regardless, my prayers to you, my dear. you are one super person. Hang in there and God Bless, Karen

I haven't been on this SCLC forum very much in the last year or so - Dave and I have been active on this board since shortly after his diagnoses in March 2003. But I've spent more time on the Family Members forum and General for some reason. Now that it appears his cancer could be back after just completing six months of chemo, which SUCKS big time (although the met which we went after is now gone) I am wondering how many long term extensive SCLC survivors are out there. Dave was initially diagnosed with limited SCLC and after his chemo and radiation at that time went into remission and made it almost a year to the time he FINISHED treatment before it returned. so the first met is gone, now he may have a second met. sorry to be rambling, my thoughts are all over the place. Karen