Remembering Dave

All I can say is, Fay, you were due a break. That's really wonderful! KC

Oh, my poor aching pea brain!!!! David C

Well, Ry, I guess it's a slightly different world than when I was a teenager, 'cause we received strict threats about our behavior, we were, I guess, scared straight and it worked. We had one car, a ford pinto, that the three of us teenagers shared, and believe me, our parents knew where we were going in it and when we were to be home. in fact, we could only drive it to legitimate things, band practice, or work, etc. (I always had a job, my brothers didn't because they were over achievers at school). In other words, we were on a short leash. My Mom worked, too. I just believe parents need to have their kids on a short leash, especially these days. Maybe it doesn't work that way any more. I guess I'll find out. But a little fear goes a long ways. Just my opinion! KC

Ok, was just having a rousing conversation here in the office with my boss (who has a nine year old son) and a coworker (who has a 15 year old son) about how sons have to act like their parents, especially their moms, are so embarassing, but when it comes right down to it nothing means more to them than dear ole' mom and as much as they try to hide that, it's really obvious. Like, the 15 year was out of school today because of the snow and really wanted his Mom to stay home with him - Kim said he'd never say that around friends and of course we all laughed - but the nine year old is the same way, already, LOL. I think you, TAnn, like them, just KNOW how your son feels about you, even if he can't say it out loud - but your son is saying it in writing to his friends - what a big step! Karen

Glad you took the initiatve! And that view will probably be white - up in the mountains - the rest of VA is pretty spotty with the beautiful whiteness. Have a wonderful time! I know what you mean about certain years being a wash. On our 10th wedding anniversary I took Dave to the ER to hear the words "I think you have lung cancer." I'm hoping our 12th anniversary - which is in March - holds for us something like a weekend cabin in the Shenandoah mountains! KC

I think we need a constitutional expert here. maybe we can add one to Ask the Experts. KC

I'm bumping this up because I read the article and more than being intrigued about the non smoking nation, I was intrigued about EVERYTHING about this nation, after reading the article! Karen Good read! p.s. if only 1 to 3% of the country smokes anyway, don't much see the point of banning cigs, unless they are trying to nip it in the bud. But it's a quirky little place!

Dear sweet husband of mine (LOL): I disagree. My parents said NO SMOKING OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. so we didn't smoke. My parents were a bit tougher than yours I do believe. Not only that, my father told us as we became teenagers - IF I CATCH YOU WITH DRUGS I WILL CALL THE POLICE. Trust me, that was enough to keep the evil weed out of my mouth! Did I resent them? Sometimes. Did I hate them? Sometimes. But it worked, as a teenager, I didn't do any of these things. Do I hate them now? Absolutely not! I got over that in my 20's (LOL again). Love, the wife

Sorry honey, sweetie, wife o' mine, can't let you get away with the parent thing. There was not a thing in the world my folks could have done to prevent me from smoking. I agree that there needs to be more responsible parenting in this day and age but an individual makes his or her own decisions and if he/she has made the decision too and wants to smoke then there is not a single thing any parent can do to stop them. I have to agree with Di who has stated her position much more eloquently than I could have. David C

Margaret, that is sad in many ways, yes it is, but in another way it is very, well, nice. Nice that you and your husband have this time together, nice that he seems so content and nice that you are so, well accepting. I think you are my hero. thanks for sharing, it really helps, and that is what we are here for. God Bless, Karen C. p.s. and yes, it's wonderful that he talks to you about it. that really helps in my book.

well, I hate to play Devil's advocate, but parents have a big role to play in kids' tobacco use. Just don't let them. Play hardball. Monitor where they are and what they are doing. I don't think the government is always responsible - people need to do some parenting. I know it's not easy and I don't have a teenager yet so I don't know how hard that can be, but parents need to be parents and be responsible for what their minor children are doing. Karen

Although I know Shelly is right, I will not be prepared for the sadness and especially the loss that hits me, I think about it every now and then. I'm facing the loss of my husband and my mother at the same time. The biggest thing I think, is that these are the two most important people in my life for helping me raise my daughter. I try to imagne life without both of them or either of them, especially Dave, and raising my little girl alone. I can't even imagine it. In fact, it seems so impossible without Dave that I am quite sure he will beat this cancer. I can't imagine Faith without my mom, as I had the benefit of having my mom's mom in my life up through my 30's. I learned alot from her. When I think about losing Dave, I try to mentally walk myself through all the practical things I will need to do in order just to get through the day, how to manage taking care of the house and the dogs and paying the bills. Then I try to imagine the feeling of loneliness. Of course I have that alot already at times, since he often feels so bad he's non communicative or just plain ole absent - in bed asleep. I look at my boss who lost her 37 year old husband suddenly three years ago leaving her with three small children and I wonder if I'll live my life like she lives hers (I doubt it). In essence, it's just too much and too big to even conceive, so the best I can do is try to be prepared in practical ways, like making sure I have HIPPA access to Dave's health insurance, getting a will (which we did), getting the car titles put in both our names, stuff like that. Then hoping the practical/legal stuff will be easy so I can focus more on the emotional stuff. But again, I'm not planning on it happening. It's not possible. It can't happen. Karen

Yup, yup, yup. Phillip Morris is (or used to be) the largest employer in the Richmond VA. metropolitan area and from what I understand they pay very, very well. The farmers also make a pretty good buck from what I understand too. To ban tobacco the entire Richmond area would go bankrupt. Don't get me wrong I am not saying it should not be banned but this is a huge reason why the government will not ban tobacco outright. It would be like closing all the car manufacturing plants in Michigan along with all the support companies that go along with Auto manufacturing-the entire community would collapse. David C

I know very little about all of this when it comes right down to it, but in my opinion any shrinkage at this point is good. also, a tumor may not look all that much smaller on a scan, but it's total volume is what counts, and the total volume may be reduced alot more than you can see. I wonder, too, about radiation - any word on that? and yes, ditto Stand4Hope - give us some more info on your dad's diagnose and we can help more. it is true, every single case is so unique. I do wish he could be here in the U.S. getting treatment. socialized medicine may be good for some things, but he could get much better care here I would bet. God Bless, Karen C.

HI, my husband has lung cancer (metastasized to the skull) and my mother has Stage IV colon cancer. Hers had spread to her liver. I have found out that certain cancers start in one organ, and then when they spread they seem to follow a pattern. Colon cancer seem to go to the liver, then to the lung - then to the brain. Has he had a PET Scan? that is a whole body scan, and if there is cancer elsewhere in the body, it will "light" up on the scan. if it is colon cancer and has spread to his lungs, I'd make sure the liver was checked as well, along with his brain. If he does have colon cancer spread to the lungs, the information you find on this website may not be of much help because each kind of cancer is treated differently. but I know there is a colon cancer support group on www.yahoogroups.com. Here's a link to it: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/co ... r_support/ I hope this link works. Unfortunately, this colon cancer website isn't anywhere near as comprehensive/active as LCHelp is, but it's a start. God Bless, Karen C.

Now I'm ready to throw hot water up into the air to make snow! I want to make hard bubbles! I want to pound nails with a banana! I might just do all of it tonight, LOL! KC

OK, hijacking your post. why can't Dave be this funny at home? LOL! he IS eating everything in the house. and everything at Kroger and Food Lion as well. Gotta keep him away from the Super Wal mart. KC

Thanks for the update. You and Lucy enjoy your break. My prayers are with you. David C

Beth, Beth, Beth!!! Sorry I can't match Cindys offer, Kurt and Karen may not understand, ha,ha. Hang in there and give me a call if you need someone to talk to. I am just here trying not to eat everything in the house at one sitting! David C

She needs to see someone who can treat those brain mets. SCLC responds very well to radiation. Gamma knife might get them. I'd like to see her find a new oncologist that will fight for her. Karen

Jane, I just saw this, although I wonder about you often. I know how you feel. After my dear cousin committed suicide I couldn't talk, or even think, about him without crying, really for months. So I can imagine how hard this board must be for you. Hang in there, it does getter better, time does heal many wounds. God Bless, Karen

Addie, yes, even no change in size or, no change in size but a change in shape is good (he said radiation damage peas will often sorta squish around but not grow bigger, so changing in shape is OK). I guess the only thing that will make him operate is BIGGER. He went into alot of detail about this and what he's looking for, this guy seems to know tumors very intimately, but that's all he does, apparently, so I guess he knows exactly how they behave! Karen

love the bubble thing! I used to LOVE that show Northern Exposure. I was so upset when it went off the air. really great writing, and made me wonder if you really needed to be that quirky to live in Alaska! love the banana thing! imagine a squishy banana freezing that hard! keep the cold weather tales a coming, very interesting!

Becky, wonder if breathing in cold air could cause lung cancer, like it froze and damaged some healthy cells? a real reach, I know. wonder if anyone's ever done a study on the percentage of folks in very cold temps with lung cancer. and WHY OH WHY did you move up there? frankly, I am very hot natured myself - the hot flash queen actually - but I KNOW I couldn't take that! Karen

OK, so I woke up this morning and it was 10 degrees outside. bbbrrrrr! then I turn on the news and hear it is 54 degrees below in Minnesota? How cold it is there? Like give me some examples. How in the world do you stand it? How does your car start? Just really curious! Karen