Remembering Dave

TAnn - YES - I got back on here because I thought that very thing - IT'S THE STEROIDS!! I bet he's on Decadron. it does crazy crazy stuff to Dave, and in fact he is refusing to take them now for his brain swelling - anyway, his mind does race and race and race I bet that's what it is, Angie. Maybe you can talk to your Dad and see if he feels like his mind is racing and he just has all this stuff that he can't stop thinking about that he just wants to get done? that's the way Dave was . . . anyway, hang in there! Karen

p.s. and to answer your question, no, haven't used the massage gift certificate yet, been sick and no time really either. that may be a good thing to use in January!

Angie, your Dad is probably trying to make things easier for you for when he does go. but I agree, it can wait until after Christmas, and I don't think it's a bit selfish to ask for that. You want Christmas to be nice for your entire family, and death shopping right now will put at least a small damper on that. Ask him if you can do it just after Christmas, you want things to be wonderful especially for your girls. I think you are doing an amazing job of holding up through all of this. I decided to make Christmas as simple as possible this year, and as soon as I decided that, Dave got a good diagnoses. So it's not just simple, it's stress free. I in fact snapped at my weinie boss for asking me if my Christmas preparations were complete. Yes, the same boss who moans whenever I'm out of the office taking care of my sick husband. kind of a heartless thing to do - I don't want you to take one more minute off from work than you possibly have to, but how's your Christmas preparations with your very limited time? geez. I looked at him and said "I really have nothing to do to prepare for the celebration of the birth of my saviour". Well, I meant that, but what I wanted to say was "none of your business." haha, aren't we all crazy this time of year? anyway, I think you need to slow down your dad a little bit and make him enjoy this joyous holiday, then continue the other stuff later. Hang in there, girlfriend. you are doing good. God Bless, Karen c.

Hey, Andrea, this is Karen. Funny you ask. Well, I've been sick - upper respiratory stuff - AGAIN. Dave is doing great, his parents have been gone this week and we're doing just fine, even with me sick. Dave has been taking care of Faith alot more to give me a break and doing a good job of it. I missed one day of work for being sick and weinie boss gave me cold shoulder like I was totally faking it (too bad he doesn't sit anywhere near me so he can hear me coughing my guts out every day), but I've been seeing my shrink weekly and she says he is nothing more than an annoyance in my life and to just flick him off like a mosquito. Ha, I love that woman! She also told me that she wants to give me an IQ test, she thinks I'm the smartest person she's ever met - so I love her even more!!!! Anyway, we're plugging right along, we have our house on the market, realtor's gotten a ton of calls but no one can come see it until after Christmas, so no lookers yet. Been looking for a new house and having some fun with that! Funny thing, last Sunday we went to an open house for sale - for sale by owner - knocked on the door, the owner was a lady who works in Dave's oncologist's office! We wouldn't buy the house but enjoyed seeing it and talking to her. So, Dave has three more weeks of chemo to go, then hopefully he is healed (once again). He had an MRI of his eye socket today, I guess to make sure the tumor is all the way gone. Hopefully 2005 will bring him good health and us a beautiful new house! Thanks for asking! God Bless, Karen C.

Our bedroom smells all the time, it's the chemo Dave is sweating out. I worry about prospective buyers coming to see the house, figure if I change the sheets just before the come maybe that will help, but it seems like it just permeates the air. Both of us noticed it and know that's what it is. I would think that even after you're done with chemo that would stay with you for some months. I HATE CANCER! Karen

My only comment on the air puifier is: it only works if you put it on the co-worker's desk - not yours - those things DRAW the odors/smoke/etc. TO them, so if it's on your desk it's coming to you, not away from you. I remember this because the law firm I worked at for 16 years has as it's biggest client (guess who - world's biggest cig company) and anyone could smoke anywhere they wanted - their desk, even. so the firm would buy air purifiers but we found out they had to go on the desk of the smoker. Heather, I think this is a good question because I have always wondered about this myself. I have really bad allergies and smelling stale smoke on someone's hair or clothes makes me go into an allergic coughing fit. Karen C.

Update: we saw the radiation oncologist this morning. He said that a little bit of the radiation targeted at the bonkitis tumor in the right frontal sinus cavity hit the brain just behind it, most likely, and because that part of the brain had already received radiation via PCI, it has swelled up - the swelling Dave has is actually the brain itself - and the fluid around it is backing into that sinus cavity, causing pressure, pushing out making the bump. He wanted to put Dave on decadron for the inflammation, but Dave has been on decadron before and reacted about as horribly to it as a person can react. Totally psycho. So we said NO MORE DECADRON unless it is life or death, and the doc grinned and said he remembered that, so we will just let the fluid dissipate on its own. Which he said would only be a couple of months. Heck, the decadron treatment would probably be an entire month in itself. Not worth. But the good news is that both he and the oncologist think the bonkitis tumor is GONE, so knowing what is going on with Dave is much easier to deal with now. thanks for your ear, Dr. Joe. Karen

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! I love it. This beats me dressing up in drag. David C

Dr. Joe, I decided to do what I should have done yesterday. I left a message for "our" oncologist to call me. he did, within the hour. he said in his opinion the bonkitis (sinus met) tumor is gone, and said the swelling is probably not so much from the increased blood to the area but probably fluid which has built up as a reaction to the radiation. he said there is somthing pushing a little into the brain but it might be fluid. Dave's getting an MRI to his orbit to get a closer look at everything and he also asked me to set up an appt. with the radiation oncologist to take a look at the fluid issue. whew. I posted something about all of this under Good News as well.

Dave had a brain MRI last week. He got some sketchy details about it on Monday when he was in for chemo. So I decided today to call the oncologist and get the specific lowdown. Well, he said that, in his opinion, the tumor is gone. The swelling is increased, but he believes that is reaction to the radiation Dave had to the bonkitis area. there is "a little something" pushing into the brain but for some reason he doesn't seem concerned about it, perhaps it is scarring or something? I was so worried, because Dave's behavior is getting, well, can we say a little erractic? I was so afraid he had a brain met. But the good doc said he's probably just totally beaten up from everything he's been through lately. Although it is very hard to live with, it is very understandable. Anyway, he's ordered an MRI of the orbit (the eye socket) just to get a better look at things, keep everything you have two of crossed that it doesn't reverse his opinion! Repeat of the brain MRI in a month or so, he said. THANK YOU GOD Blessings, Karen C.

I got the impression that he meant in the sinus area itself, not the brain. in fact, the bump looks a little bigger to me. not big, but you can see a slight rise in the forehead. at first it was huge, than after several rounds of chemo and all the radiation, it went away, now it is slightly raised again. so I think he meant in the sinus area itself. maybe it's the abnormal tumor blood vessels still lurking around. I think you sorta answered my question even if you don't realize it. thanks, Joe. Karen

Wanda, so sorry you are here but there is no better place for you to be right now. There are lots of caring individuals here who are all going though or have gone though what you are experiencing right now. This will be a roller coaster ride for you and your husband. Just remember we are all here for you both. I am in the middle of my 2nd round so I do not post as much as I used to but if you want to PM me I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Hang in there and keep thinking positively, You can beat this, heck, I beat it once and am in the middle of beating back the beast again. David C

take it from the depression queen - yes, you can be a little bit depressed. I have a condition called dysthymia. (I think that's the spelling). it's a low level of depression you have for years, usually starting in childhood or adolescence. you don't realize you have it, it's like "walking depression" but it affects things like self esteem, decision making skills, etc. and it makes you more vulnerable to the big clinical depression which I have also had. that's just a for instance. I don't think you have that. but there's a fine line between stressed and depressed. so you probably are stressed, and maybe just a little bit depressed. you don't have to be suicidal to be depressed. I wouldn't worry about it, but I would be, to some extent, aware of it. take care, Becky. Karen

Ry - just saw this - but man oh man you are one blessed family! Having done that, I know there are few things in the world to compare with an international adoption. and to have experienced the miracle of birth after two miracles of adoption - how wonderful! Happy Gotcha Day! Happy Birthday! Karen

Dave's met is to his right frontal sinus cavity and surrounding bone (basically skull). lungs are still clear, no sign of the cancer returning anywhere, else including his brain, he had a brain MRI last week and all it showed, apparently, was that the tumor is shrinking but the swelling is increasing, and the onc. told dave at chemo yesterday that was probably because of increased blood flow to the tumor site. what does that mean? is that good? if I were there I'd be asking him, but I guess he just stepped back into the chemo room to speak to dave briefly. thanks, guys, Karen

HAPPY GOTCHYA DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Happy B-Day. You truely do have many reasons to be thankful this time of year. David C

Man oh man, someone, or some group of people, at work, gave me a gift certificate to a spa, a full body massage was suggested . . . I can't get anyone to fess up to being Santa but I think it was collectively my co-workers. so I just sent around a big thank email you to the mystery Santa and asked everyone if they knew Santa personally to thank him for me. how nice- how needed - now I gotta find time to use it!

p.s. Becky - was it your mom's mom that had diabetes? wasn't it Type II, adult onset? other than that, who else in the family has it? Karen

Ry: LOVE the new picture, absolutely love it! Rick: you go, boy! Geez, I would have never guessed you had a serious issue like diabetes. but you're right, need a scare sometimes to get motivated. I may actually try to scare myself after the holidays. Peggy: you sound like me when I'm doing weight watchers, always coming up with creative ways to make something yummy that is guilt free. when I start back I may have to PM you on a regular basis for ideas! well, back to the chocolate basket at work (after the shrink told me that, I bought three big bags of prettily wrapped Christmas chocolates at Target and brought them in the for the communcal chocolate basket. I told my coworkers what the shrink said and then told them "I'm going down, and I'm taking you all with me!"

Cary, condolences from the Chapman family. I am so sorry you lost your Dad, he seems like such a good man. You'll have him in your heart forever. God Bless

p.s. BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHOCOLATE! Karen

Taunt all you want. Yesterday evening my shrink told me not to worry about my weight, if I needed to eat right now as a stress reliever, then to eat. I can always lose weight later. I was surprised, because she is quite an advocate for living thin and exercise! She even told me to try to walk if I could, but she couldn't begin to imagine when I'd have time. Sooo, while you getting thin club members are stressing yourself through weight loss, I'll be sitting fat and happy! haha, that is, until I regret it . . . . Later, Karen

Peggy - your "handle" says it all - Stand For Hope! You do, and you are living it. You are right on, with everything you said! Karen C.

Cindi - I have no doubt in my mind that you were indeed his favorite patient! THAT was not part of the canned speech. Blessings, Karen C.

I feel much better today! We just got started, really, but I was able to realize my mistakes and that is a good starting point for managing the stress better. I had forgotten the golden rule of clinical depression, so to speak - to not act aggressively but assertively, so I'm going to work on that. whew, I feel like I can breathe again. it's funny, but I had to fill out a checklist of anxiety symptoms and I had about 1/3 of them without even realizing it. oh, is that why my knees are wobbly? is that why sometimes I feel like I'm choking? I just assumed it was because I'm out of shape. but then I realized it's not a physical thing. Yes, I've been on anti depressants for years, I tried to stop at one point but after my cousin committeed suicide I decided I needed to just stay on them. it's too hard to keep that chemical imbalance, balanced, on my own! I will continue seeing her for some time, for nothing else, I need the perspective. the objective perspective. oh, by the way, someone I know, knows her, and she'd heard about Dave's cancer. but she hadn't heard about my mom's cancer. so before I even got the chance to tell her about that, she told me that no matter what anyone else thought, she thought I was Superwoman, and on a scale of 1 to 10 in handling the situation, she gave me a 10! Thanks everyone, for the support! Karen