Remembering Dave

I'm still not doing so well. I feel like I'm gasping for breath. not literally, figuratively. see the shrink in three hours. I can hold on until then! Karen C.

You might want to ask this question in the General section. And if I were you, I'd go see a doc right away and insist on a chest xray. Best of luck and God Bless, Karen c.

well, I'm with Angie. I can't tell you not to be upset because that would definitely be the pot calling the kettle black. BUT, you've had two benign nodules before, how about three strikes, those benign nodules are out? maybe you are just full of benign lumps like Fay. I sure hope so. please keep us posted, and prayers coming your way. God Bless, Karen

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy..........Hang in there. My payers are going for it to be NOTHING!!!! Be strong and think positive. David C

Margaret, just saw this, and I have to tell you, boy oh boy can I relate! I am so glad you took him to the ER. I have taken Dave to the ER numerous times and not once have I regreted it. That pneumonia explains alot, surely once that is cleared up you'll have less to worry about, he will feel and act so much better. Please keep us posted. I am in solidarity with you with the worrying thing. and always remember the ER when you're not sure. Dave and I figure it's the best thing to do, with lung cancer you'll need an x-ray so why fiddle around with the oncologist or other doctors, just go straight to where the equipment is! also, I LOVE your house! Love it love it love it! God Bless, Karen

thanks everyone. excuse any typos, am typing this with faith in my lap. she is pretending we are driving somewhere, out to eat I think (haha, good girl) andrea, yes, worrying about the fluid was the tip of the iceburg, along with a few other little family matters that I won't mention here. knowing the fluid didn't have cancer cells did help, with the cardiologist and the sugeon both acting like it was a done deal, had to be cancer in there, that really worried me. Teresa, question, once you have had clinical depression are you considered to always be a depession patient, just like once you have cancer, you're always a cancer patient? 'cause I was supposed to be "cured", ha, and my shrink felt that if I felt the depession creeping back I would be able to identify it and nip it in the bud, I guess it has been creeping back and I've just been too busy to notice and then wham there it is . . . . anyway, thanks everyone for the support and especially the understanding. in many ways I do understand how lucky we are, I mean, dave is in the kitchen right now cooking breakfast, for that I am grateful, that he is able to do that. I am grateful that my mother is still alive and despite what she is going through, that my dad still takes the time to be with Dave in the hospital as much as he can . . . and that my father cares and loves dave that much . . . anyway, blessed Sunday to eveyone! Karen

Don and Lucie, I am soooooooooo happy to hear it is not in the brain. Guess Lucie has Bonkitis just like me. If she beat it once then she can beat it again!!!!! My prayers are with you. David C

AND THE ANSWER IS: Negative! No cancer cells found in the pericardial fluid!! Karen C.

time for a little humor now: Bruce - when Dave and I first got married, he would never put the seat down on the toilet and having living alone for 15 years I was too used to finding my way to the potty in the pitch dark in the middle of the night and would always fall in. After I bitched about it enough, his solution was to just pee, leaving the seat down. then I'd sit down on a pee'd on toilet seat. guess I had a choice, remember to put the seat down myself, or sit on his pee. Learned my lesson. Karen

Fran, it's tough, isn't it? I went through tons of regrets when my dear cousin shot himself in the head and died alone on his bedroom floor. we were very close and shared lots of intimate thoughts, fears, and the depression we both had battled. I don't know what to tell you, but you were there for your brother just like I tried as much as I could to be there for my cousin, and you have to find peace with that. You go give those hugs, I betcha those teenagers will enjoy them alot more than you think. take care, and enjoy and love your family - they're the greatest. Karen

thanks everyone. We HAVE to move. if we don't I'm going to find an efficiency apt. in town to move Faith and I into Monday through Friday. I can't take 2 or 3 hours a day in the car any more all alone hauling Faith back and forth. I am tired of living in a fishbowl. I am tired of having people watch my every move. I am tired of being constantly critiqued and analyzed about how good a mother I am, how cluttered my closets are, how I let my kid leave the house in something other than designer children's clothes, how lazy I am, how tired I am, how depressed I am, how behind I am at work, how my paycheck is reduced because I take time off without pay to be with my sick and potentially dying mother and my sick and potentially dying husband. How I waste money when in actuality I buy NOTHING for myself except for $2.30 each morning at McDonalds for breakfast and lunch in the cafeteria. In fact, my daily drive thru at the McDonalds is one thing I look forward to every day because the gals in the drive through windows are the same every morning and they've gotten to know Faith and I and even Dave very well and asks every morning how everyone is, throws Faith a happy meal toy when the manager isn't looking, etc. since I am late every morning trying to get myself and Faith together and out the door - I'm SUPPOSED to be at work at 8 am, but when it takes 1.25 hours from door to door that's hard to do - so I work through lunch every day, so that little stroll over to the company cafeteria is my little break. I got fussed at for using the cell phone too much but the only chance I get to talk to my mom or my dear aunt mary is on that long drive home, so I suffer the consequences of the wrath of Dave over the cell phone bill in exchange for some time with my two favorite women. I'm tired of being behind at work and I'm paranoid that the boss who doesn't care is looking for an excuse to get rid of me. so there, how's that for a caregiver vent? I know having cancer is hard. I know facing your own potential death is hard. I know this because I am witnessing it firsthand in duplicate in my immediate family, the two people I depend on the most. can't wait to talk to my beloved shrink. I sure miss her! Karen

he told you I wasn't doing so well? did he tell you how critical he is of me all the time? how I can't do anything right? how I'm so lazy? oh, don't forget fat. I'm hoping he did, because he sure shares those feelings with me quite often. and now I guess I'm weak because I'm depressed. Karen c.

beth - I just saw this - you didn't tell us about this! geez, you have every right to be mad. I really don't like that Dr. Lloyd at all. I'm so sorry you didn't get Dr. Schwarz, he is the kindest most understanding man out there, makes a great oncologist. My mother is very very sensitive to drugs, as you well know. For a long time I thought she was just being a wimp, but after seeing her reaction first hand in the hospital these last six months, now I fully understand. It's not in her head, and it's not in yours. Dr. Lloyd was NOT working you as a team, and I am glad you found a new guy. Take care, my dear friend, Karen C.

Amanda, my husband has SCLC. SCLC is almost never operable. Mostly because it grows so fast, I've been told it's like chasing ping pong balls around inside your body. so that is why they aren't operating, not because it is too tiny, I would be certain of that. BUT, SCLC responds very well to chemo and radiation, so that is the good news. Dave and I have talked about this, in fact, and it seems that SCLC caught early - and small - and still inside the lung - has a good chance of being beaten. Muriel is right - do your research - get to know the jargon - you will understand what's going on alot better and be better equipped to help your Mom make decisions. and knowledge if power. the more you know about it, the more in control you'll feel and the more in control, the better you'll feel. and please keep us posted. It's very exciting that you're pregnant - that's wonderful and will give your mom plenty to fight for. God Bless, Karen C.

Ok, this is Karen. I am officially going to stop trying to handle all of this myself. I made an appt. to go see my shrink. I hadn't seen her in three years. I called to make the appt. - she is semi retired - I told the receptionist who I was and I'd like to see her sometime. She said, well, she's not seeing new patients until after the first of the year so let me take your name and number and call you back. she called back in less than five minutes, said the shrink wants to see me immediately, she "knows" about my situation, but doesn't have a minute free until Tuesday. Well, Tuesday is fine with me, but then I start thinking about what a famous basket case I am that she knows what's going on and I haven't seen her in three years? well, she knows Dave has cancer because I emailed her that when he was first diagnosed in 2003. then I remember - my family doc strongly encouraged me to go back to the shrink after I lost it in her office over a sinus infection a few weeks ago hmm, that's the tattle tell! yep, I'm pretty certain that all of this has just become too much and my clinical depression has returned despite the daily use of antidepressants. I won't go into details since most of you know the situation, plus I've been accused of reminding people too many times of my stressors. trust me, folks, I've got stressors out the ying yang. I'm just coming to this forum hoping to find some company with the other stressed out caregivers and family members, that's all. take care and God Bless, Karen C.

thanks, Teresa, I'm going to call the oncologist's office tomorrow. Dave doesn't seem interested in knowing but I need to know! yes, you're right, about keeping the fluid out. that is dangerous. GOSH, we are so blessed to have ya'll answering our questions! Karen C.

oh, gosh, Joe, you are so on cue about that darn cardiologist! He seemed like such a nice man and did some really neat things, like LISTENED to Dave's blood pressure and by listening he could tell if there was or wasn't fluid in there, but he was just so, well, darn smug about the fluid being caused by the cancer! and he was in and out so quick, I found myself wanting to shout "but wait, come back, why do you think it's gotta be cancer?"!!! wow, thanks for THAT perspective. they did do the window, I guess I wasn't clear. the surgeon stuck the tube in the sac and it stuck out of dave's chest and drained into a pump thing for a couple of days. then when the tube was removed, it was supposed to leave the hole (the window) so any additional fluid would just drip out into his abdominal cavity. it all sounded good to me but I was wondering how they would ever know if any more excessive fluid accmulated if it had a way out. I almost felt like that attitude was that it didn't matter since it was all cancer anyway. ok, about the radiation - Dave's chest radiation was well over a year ago. on all of his ct scans since then, I think, SOME fluid around the heart has appeared but not enough, until now, for anyone to be worried. could it be slowly building up since that chest radiation? could a combination of things make a difference, like it got started by the chest radiation, and then his various infections, additional chemo, etc., sort of "egged" it on? I know I'm bombarding you with questions, but am feeling a tad desperate here . . . thanks, you are a lifesaver! Karen C.

Dr. Joe, in case you didn't see our posts under General, Dave went into the hospital last week with a mild case of bronchitis but ended up having surgery to drain excessive fluid in his pericardial sac - over a quart. They did pathology on the fluid but we haven't heard anything on it yet. The word is, it could be caused by (1) the bronchitis; (2) reaction to chemo and/or radiation); (3) cancer in the pericardial sac; or (4) we'll never know. How likely do you think it is that there's cancer in there? The cardiologist kept coming in to check on Dave and speaking like that's definitely what it is. the surgeon and oncologist say it's hard to tell, could be anything, but cancer cells can't be eliminated as a possibility and is likely. Of course I am worried sick about it. The oncologist keeps mentioning that since Dave's SCLC came back in his sinus cavity it is most likely somewhere else as well, although all his scans - PET Scan back in July, two or three CT scans of head and chest since then - don't show a thing. The PET scan was totally clear except for the sinus tumor. Just wanted to get your gut feel or experience on the subject. Guess I'm looking for a little cyber-hand holding! thanks, Karen C.

Awesome, Joe, hope things works out and you're in that beautiful home before Christmas!

Thank you everybody!!! It sure feels good to wake up in you own bed and to wake up on your own and not be woken up to have a thermometer shoved down your throat. They ended up getting a little over a quart of fluid. I am doing pretty good. Went t bed at 8:00 last night and got up a few times and took some percocets for pain. Faith was happy I was home, she kept wanting to look at my bandage on my chest and kept wanting the dogs to look at the bandages also. She wanted to make sure they new it was there so they would not hurt me...pretty funny. Guess I will be resting most of the day and then go get my chemo in the morning so please keep the prayers coming, I will need them I think. Thank you all again. David C.

Hi, this is Karen, Dave is home! I went to see him this morning and our good friend, Beth and her husband Kurt (you know Beth as JustAKid) were there, she and Dave trading war stories, and the surgeon comes in and says hey, man, you want to go home now? And Dave said sure, thinking he meant that in a conversational way, and he says, well, let me yank out this tube and you can go home and we said, seriously? and I started to say, "but, the other surgeon said you had to stay one more day after the tube came out . . . "and Dave looks at me and says SHUT UP, haha, very funny, so the surgeon yanked that tube out right there in front of Beth, Kurt and I and it was wild! and less than an hour we were outta there. It is a fairly new hospital, BEAUTIFUL place, nurses all very nice and competent (very different from my mother's experience in the old hospital) and so from that aspect it wasn't so bad . . . but he was sure glad to be outta there and me too! Anyway, I didn't have clothes for him, I had taken his clothes and shoes home but brought him pj bottoms and socks and undies but I had on a tie dye tshirt under my shirt jacket so he put on my tshirt and I put my jacket on with nothing underneath and he put on hospital slippers over his socks and off we went. he even went into Kroger like that to get his prescriptions filled. pretty funny. now, I have to tell my funny Faith story from this morning. I didn't get to the hospital quite as early as I hoped because, this morning, I got up and was sitting down in the recliner drinking coffee ever so peacefully and I thought I heard Faith get up, but sometimes she gets up and plays in her room, but then a few minutes later I heard her maniacle (sp?) laugh, the one she only makes when she is really up to no good, so I went upstairs to check, and she had gotten up with a diaper full of poopy, went into the bathroom, took it off and then proceeded to use the contents of the diaper to finger paint all over the bathroom and a fair amount on herself. YUK. I was really mad but I think so in shock I couldn't actually get mad, you know? so I grabbed a thing of clorox wipes and started wiping down eveything, including her, with them, filled the tub and stuck her in it and then threw the bathroom rugs and her nightgown in the washer. quite a morning. Like Dave said, the new normal . . . God Bless, Karen C.

Here I sit all broken hearted...............Ok, Ok, come on........all of you who have been though anesthesia know what I mean. Oh the joy, ha,ha. Hello all, here I sit in my hospital room up at 3:00am for my latest pain med dose and can't get back to sleep. Man talk about a roller coaster. I had a wonderful time week before last when my big sis', Becky CW, and my favorite Uncle flew in to visit for a few days. We had a great time but unfortunately we did not get as much time together as I would have liked because I was just so darn tired and had to nap a lot and go to bed early. I got up Monday and went to get my chemo (the bad cocktail) and felt like total cow kuka (understatement) all week. I have never felt bad for so long after chemo. I survived the week and went in this past Monday for the second round of chemo and got turned away due to low blood Platelet counts. I was sooooooo happy, I promised Karen a nice dinner out since I was going to have a great week and get out and enjoy the weather and life. Well I felt so good I played with Faith a lot getting as many hugs and kisses as I could and well.......dumb move. She had a little bug I think she got from mommy and then I got it from my baby. I got real bad Tuesday night and Wed. morning Karen (bless her heart) took me to the ER. Well, Surprise, surprise Goober, you got fluid around your heart and it needs to be drained. D@MN!!!! So here I sit with a hole in my pericardial sack having drained over a quart of fluid...... over a quart of fluid.......... over a quart of fluid............ over a quart of fluid............... over a quart of fluid........................ over a quart of fluid..................................... from the sack surrounding my heart. Let me tell you folks this is scary but thank God for medical miracles like the ability to have this tube sticking out of my chest and giving me the ability to continue my war. They have me pretty well drugged up on percocets and morphine so it only hurts when I get up or sit down, once I am up or down I am fine and can walk around without much pain. I might get the tube yanked out Sat and get to go home on Sunday and plan to be at the Oncs office on Monday to continue with my chemo treatments. The docs seem to all be indicating that I should feel much better with all the fluid drained away and my heart being able to function as intended. I hope so, I feel better now but I know I am high on the pain pills so I do hope they are right once I get home and am back to the "New normal" life. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers, Thanks especially to Becky CW, my wonderful sister, and my incredible wife, Karen, for keeping you all informed. Everybody, keep the Faith, remember, God cannot answer the prayers he never hears. My prayers are with you all. David C

Oops. see other post

Hi, all, this is Karen, brought Dave's laptop to the hospital and we plugged it in the phone cord and off we go into the internet! He'd doing awesome. In fact, he is his old curmudgeen (sp?) self. took one look at his hospital dinner, unplugged everything, picked up his nice pleasant fluid pump and off to the hospital cafeteria we went. On Monday he told me we should go out to dinner since his chemo was cancelled this week (low plateletts) so the hospital cafeteria is our dinner out! He's been up walking around the halls near his room today, he is quite remarkable pulling himself out of this. His parents have brought Faith up a few times, she makes herself right at home, walking the halls, she stops in patient's doorway and blows kisses. I can't tell you how cute she has been! all of this is just normal stuff to her now. Dave will probably go home on Sunday. Faith's school had a thanksgiving luncheon today and they sang some songs. I think my favorite was the squirrel song, where they got on their hands and knees and wagged their little butts to mimick the squirrel's busy tails. Sure wish Dave could have been there! thanks for your all of your good thoughts and prayers, appreciated more than we can say! God Bless to everyone, Karen

JEN!!!!!!!WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!!! Congats on meeting NED. He's a great guy. Hang in there. I am convinced that had I not had PCI, my recent reocurance would have been in my brain instead of in my sinus cavity. You have seen all the posts concerning PCI but if there is anything available that will increase the percentage of the rate of survival I would not hesitate to do it. You have come a long way Jen. I say take the break, gather your strength and continue the fight. I am so happy fo you, I know it has been a rough ride for you but you did it!!!!!!!! David C