Mom is gone. The cancer took her 37 hours ago. I'm not sure how to feel. It's been such a long road for everyone, including her, and right now I sort of feel relieved. I feel bad saying that and I'm crying as I write this but I can't help the way I feel. She hasn't been my mom for months now, since the cancer started affecting her brain so badly. I mean, yes she was still my mom and I loved her but it wasn't the mom I knew. I couldn't talk to her or make any sense of what she was saying. The last week she didn't wake up hardly at all. A couple of times a day her eyes would half open for a few seconds but she didn't really seem like she was there. Three days before she died, when I was saying goodnight to her, she pucker up her lips to give me a kiss and after I kissed her she smiled. She never opened her eyes but I know she was aware. It was the last response she gave anyone. Tonight is visitation at the funeral home and tomorrow is the memorial service. I wanted to get this out before I went because I have to be strong for my dad.
xx
Nutbar