hockeyma

I am so sorry you have lost your mother. She put up a really good fight and your support to her was amazing. Always remember no matter how hard it is that she is in no pain or shortness of breath and that will be watching over you and your children as you watched out for her. Hoping that the kids are ok. Heather

I believe she should have a bone scan. Now as far as her scalp - just before Ger started to lose his hair his scalp really hurt and was tender. If she hasn't lost hair yet this may be a cause???.... Best wishes and positive energy your way. Heather

I have a 13 year old who held his fathers hand in our dining room (where the hospital bed was) when he died. In the first few monthes of Gerald's illness Sean had all the positive going to beat this disease attitude in the world. As Gerald became skinnier, sicker and needed to go on oxygen Sean intuitively spent more time with his dad but at the same time spent time with his friends and led his life. I would talk to the kids in the car as we didn't talk doom and gloom at home. I spoke to Sean and asked him did he think his dad was getting sicker, he replied yes - and asked "do you think he is going to make it". It broke my heart to tell him that I didn't think so - cause I was then breaking my own denial. Sean replied that he had figured this out and come to terms with that. Many children are more intuitive than we may think - he suprised me - that is for sure, give them choice and ask them what they want to do and how they feel and let them know that it may get tough. That is my reccomendation. Maybe it isn't the right thing but I don't regret it...and I don't think Sean will later in years either. I am not sure about a 10 year old - my niece is that age but she wasn't around all of the time. She didn't really understand the oxygen or why Uncle Gerry was so skinny....just told her that the cancer was making him very sick. Also afraid of telling her much more lest she slipped and got into the dying conversation when talking to him. I am sorry you have come to this stage. It is really hard and I still keep an eye on my 13yr old and 16 yr old for any abnormal behaviour and always emphasize the stories of others who have lost parents to accidents and heart attacks that at least we were lucky that we did get to spend extra time with him even though he was sick - we had that time to say good-bye. Best wishes, Heather

This is my first mother's day without my husband and it was harder than I expected - that is weird huh! I guess it was cause Ger always made sure that he got to the craft store sometime in the morning of the day to get me a unique little gift from him and another from the boys. Then we would always have a family dinner with my mother who is thankfully still here. I am grateful to have a wonderful friend who arranged with my 13 year old last night to do a visit to the same shops in our village with him for me. And then - we went to my sisters for dinner. I shed my normal hidden tears in the truck today alone coming home from the garden centre after buying my mom her traditional hanging basket. Things will never be the same, yet life does move on. Fathers day won't be so bad as my husband was always away on his "guys week-end" fishing trip. This year the guys are throwing a tiny urn of Gerald's ashes into the Ottawa river. I have arranged that the kids will go to work with me at my store so the other employee's may have the fathers day with their fathers and that will help us take our minds off our woes too. I am so sorry that you all never had your mothers to celebrate with - for that I am lucky to be a mother and to have a mother. Heather

Congratulations on good results. That is a blessing! Heather

Teri and Bill, All the best with the radiation treatment. Hopefully the chemo can be kept up with too. And....keep writing - both of you - you are a fabulous team. Heather

I am sorry for everything that you are feeling right now. I know how you feel when part of you wants her to be freed from this awful disease while another part of you wants to keep her with you and for her to be all better again. I have lost my father to heart, my brother to meningitis and my husband to cancer and I can tell you that there is no easy answer to any of this. Take every day that you can and enjoy your time with your mom to the fullest and know in your heart that you have done all that you can. PS - always remember too that your mom even if she does leave you will be in your heart forever...and you know that she will be in a better pain free place...and she will more than likely let you know that too when it happens whether it be now or a year from now. All the best. Heather

Well tonight was our first mixed slowpitch baseball game without my husband here with us on the team. Boy did we all feel a definite sense of someone missing (plus the beer fund sales were down). Seriously though, there are so many firsts that we all have to go through when we lose someone. I found that every significant first - such as like this ball game tonight - is really hard. My stomach is in knots 1-2 days before it all. I put on my pennant with the ashes in it tonight though and let the team know that he was here. We all got through it. We live in a small town and everyone at that diamond tonight that had played ball for the last few years felt it. It is funny how insignificant we might feel to be when we are alive and it is not until we are gone like this that we realize how important and valuable we were to so many. Gerald is up there now catching those fly balls and snagging those grounders. Heather

Ativan - usually put under the tongue - helps with anxiety. Ger had alot of anxiety once he had a problem breathing. We found when he took the ativan that he could breath better again. I would ask about that. Also note - that even thinking about doing something - like climbing the stairs - would cause the anxiety. I still think to this day that before we kept him downstairs the reason that he couldn't breath at the top really wasn't the climb but the anxiety about thinking about it. Best of luck and sending positive energy your way. Heather

Yirol, I am in Ontario also, even though my husband's battle was not successful my goal is now to help others local to me to get the best treatment available. I am not sure where you are located but I am assuming close to Toronto. We are an hour and a half north of Toronto and our hospital had only one real oncologist also. We were told that Gerald could not have radiation. He started chemo immediately which was good - he had alot of cancer in him to begin with - and that probably bought him some time. However....after I pushed some issues we got referral to Sunnybrook - who also have a lung radiologist and a lung oncologist - each have a resident doctor working with them and their own nurse. They were excellent in my opinion. They are also easier to get to than Princess Margaret. Be careful of the drugs that your dad is put on. Once Gerald got the referal to Sunnybrook we discovered that radiation in some areas was an option but he would have to wait 3 weeks for the chemo drug to clear from his system. There are some chemo's that can be done at the same time as radiation. If you can't get into Princess Margaret - try Sunnybrook - their website does say that they will see people quickly...how true that is I don't know. I also know that there is a centre in Buffalo that people go to - but apparently it is between $3-$5 thousand dollars....to see if there is anything else that can be done. Another hospital should know of this. Gerald couldn't travel because he had thrombosis in his juglar vein and vena cava vein when diagnosed. I don't know much about Iressa - I didn't even ask as in the states I know it has been replaced by Tarceva. Tarceva is in Canada a third line option and to take before that you have to have private coverage - which we did - so Gerald took that as a second line. So double check that he would be covered for Iressa by the government. I also want you to make sure that you check into the available home care that is free and covered by the government with 4th stage lung cancer. Usually called a "community care access program" - your dad should qualify for a nurse to come in and check him a few days a week - ie blood pressure, temperature and general well being. As well if he ever needs oxygen - stage 4 with metastes does usually qualify for free. Also you can get a nutritionist and a physiotherapist at some point covered to come to your home also. If Gerald had been able to travel we had considered going to the Mayo clinic. One of the head oncology nurses at our local hospital worked at Sunnybrook in oncology for quite some time and she told us that often people would go over the border and come back with the same treatment plan and reccommendation....but you never know....I guess that is one of those would have, should have, could have things. Gerald and I had alot of hope but he had too much and things never worked out. Sorry for the long speech....but I want to help if at all possible and feel free to private message me with any and all questions that you may have. Heather

Grace - sorry you can't find your cell phone. Now try this - it worked for me with a shoe. Ask Carlton to show you where it is. You never know - something might lead you to it. I have thought the same about mine though- I have two little video clips of Gerald at a party in the summer - this leads me to realize that I am going to need to tape them off onto a cd or something. Heather

Sherry I am so sorry, as if you don't have enough worry right now. Positive thoughts coming your way for it all to be ok for both of you, Heather

Hi Welcome to the board even under the circumstances. You will find this all very helpful - especially as you research the disease. I found alot of information on this site by researching common traits of others and my husbands. Best of luck with everything. Heather

Tanner, I am so sorry Karen isn't feeling good. Yes cancer sucks and there is no joy in living with cancer as far as I am concerned, it is a constant battle and roller coaster ride. Take advantage of the time you have together now. I pray for you that things get better and all the best with the scans. Heather

Hi Nova Welcome to the board - I hope that Harry's treatments go well and that you kick cancer's butt! Heather

Wonderful!!!! Now hopefully on to better and improvement. Heather

Hi If he hasn't had a brain scan yet he should have for the dizzziness and black outs. Shortness of breath could also cause this - and the shortness of breath if not progression from tumour growth as you had positive results could possibly be a pneumonia or some kind of infection. Last possibility may be low red cell counts - hemoglobins - or anxiety - get ativan. Just some suggestions..Hope this all clears up for you. Heather

Ger got swollen lymph nodes a couple of times - I mean the cancer was already in his lymph but sometimes lumps would appear more prominently and the chemo would bring them back down again. Sometimes his whole neck would swell up and then we knew it was time for chemo. You are right - I hate nsclc, sclc and lcnec....they all are mean brutal beasts. Heather

Frig - I am so sorry that they found this....however in a positive light - it is found and they can work with him. Good luck in the rest of the tests. All the best, Heather

My husbands hands shook also - I never noted it right after wbr ...it was more like 3 weeks after that. All the best to your mother and yourselves. Heather

Teri - a miracle didn't happen for me and Ger,...but that is no reason not to believe that it won't happen for others...and they are possible so I pray for good results for you and Bill and everyone else out there who is waiting right now. I know the waiting for results is awful but hang in there and know I am thinking about you and sending positive energy your way!!!! Heather

I hope your mom gets past this bump in the road. I wish you all the very best. Gerald was on puree'd food for a while - but a feeding tube was mentioned. Whatever it takes....no progression is a plus. Heather

The hardest decision that I had to make was in my own head and that to acknowledge that there was no more fight and that it was time. Although we didn't get hospice we did go to the hospital a week before my husband died for 2 days - then we came home (his decision) and we had nursing care through the night and check ins during the day. I think there are pro's to hospice cause there is support for you and your husband and family. It will also help with some of the things that may happen as the time draws near and make him and yourselves more comfortable. Heather

Amanda - sending you and your family my deepest sympathies. Heather

Two weeks ago tonight my husband passed away - here is a copy of his obituary: Mallard, Gerald Patrick (Mallard’s Painting) After a courageous battle with cancer Gerald died peacefully at home in the company of family on March 20th 2007. Gerald was a loving and kind hearted man in his 43rd year who leaves behind his wife Heather and sons Christopher and Sean and faithful companions Missy and Laddy. Much missed brother of Rose Ash(Terry), Artie (Bonnie) and Michael all of Newfoundland, Helen Campbell(Earle) of PEI and Bob(Monique) of Alberta. Dear son in law of Joan Switzer of Orillia and brother in law of Scott (Janet) and Karen(Len). Lovingly remembered by nieces Kelsey, Brandi, Jennifer and Vicki and nephews Shane, Corey and Sam. Remembered fondly by many other aunts, uncles and cousins – especially Ontario cousins Liz Bishop (Dave), Geraldine Greeley (Kevin) and Christine Cooper(Mike). Gerald was a member of Coldwater Slowpitch and the Coldwater Dart League. Missed by many in the communities of Coldwater and Orillia including wonderful friends Stuart Tinney, Tom Tinney, Roli Raymond, Neil Hillstrom, Chris Poisson , Chris Hale and John Bell. Many thanks to all of those for the support through Geralds illness especially Amanda (Bayshore), Roseanne, Father Andrew, Reverend Ed, Dave Beckett and Dr Brad Perigo. Donations can be made to the Childrens Wish Foundation or the Orillia Soldiers Memorial Hospital Oncology unit. Gerald will rest at Doolittle Carson Funeral Home Orillia Ontario March 23rd and March 24th. Service on March 25th. A celebration of life will be held in St John’s Newfoundland following cremation