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Nova The main thing is that you don't give up on him and Harry doesn't give up on himself. The break maybe what he needs to get himself back in line. I sure hope so. You take care and all the best. Heather

Hi Ger got really confused like this - I would get a brain ct done again although I see all was clear on May 10th. This happened to Gerald when he got radiation on his chest to relieve the pain. They did that and then his pills were too strong. He was on 72mg hydromorphone per day - I cut him back to 18mg on my own. However about a month after that it was back to the same state again - but this time off balance too as well as hallucinating and confused alot of the time. His single brain met had doubled in size even though he had had whole brain radiation. Cancer sucks. Hope that you get this problem resolved and find out what is causing it. All the best, Heather

Your strength and support and just being there will be really important. I spent alot of time doing research and going to the appointments with Ger. He didn't want to know anything so I was kind of the one that he relied on for what pills to take and what was next. All the best in your new fight. Heather

Tanner - I am so so sorry. I am on the road now of wondering the same and it isn't easy. But....you are stronger than you think cause you were strong for your wife through her illness and strong for your kids too. Ironically I was just thinking about you today. There is another website called www.ywbb.org. When you get time check it out...it helps. My deepest condolances and I wish you all the strength and healing possible. Heather

Hi - you aren't the only one who grieves this way. I am the exact same. It is frustrating that many feel you have to be a mess in public to be grieving. My husbands sisters are like this - so much so - one of them drove me crazy when she was here....almost like a show. Anyways - keep doing what you are doing - there is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean that you aren't grieving well enough. I am strong and do break on my own time at certain stages but that is not as often now - and to be honest - right now I just find that I am tired but can't sleep. I am sure that will pass too. Take care, Heather

Sorry about your loss Melinda...positive energy your way. Heather

Hi I'felt insane and helpless lots - always had to put up a front for everyone though. Use to scream in my car and yell at cancer....I do swear though so it wasn't pretty. It is really hard watching someone you love so much go through all of this. Just counting on you guys to get through this with positive results. All the best, Heather

Gerald didn't experience shortness of breath with whole brain radiation - he already had the shortness prior. I can't speak for everyone though. If there are sudden spurts of shortness of breath or your husband is anxious at all please do not cancel out anxiety as being a cause. Gerald would get short of breath and anxious about being short of breath or visa/versa and he would take under the tongue ativan to relax himself and his breathing. It usually did the trick. Best of luck and thinking of you guys lots, Heather

Hi I am really sorry that you had to come here but it is an excellent place to meet and for inspiration. I agree with Flowergirlie, however it also sounds like the cancer is quite agressive - so if they can slow the growth down that is bonus. They have offered her radiation so that should help with the pain and the breathing....I wish you the very best. Heather

Well this time last year Gerald was merrily on his way with his buddies to the Ottawa river for the annual fathers day weekend fishing trip. It is so sad - this morning when I saw the guys at the coffee shop getting ready to go I thought how unfair life can be. It totally bites that he can't be on the trip with the guys - that I can't wave him off and wait for him to come home on Sunday and have the fish fry with the fish(store bought normally for lack of catching anything more than a hangover) that they have caught. This year is so different - he is actually going however it is part of his ashes in a little urn that I got at the funeral home. For some weird reason last year on the weekend before he even knew he was sick they were shooting the sh-- and he told his one friend that if he were ever to die he would want his ashes thrown in the river. Weird - they say that sometimes "the soul knows". Oh - by the way - they will probably come home with real caught fish this year cause ever since Ger died they have been catching fish in different spots like crazy. The boys are certain that Gerald is baiting the fish down there to their lines - and when they aren't biting - they just say "Come on Ger - get to work here" and the fish bite. Take care and have a great Father's Day Week-end Heather

Hey Melinda, It is really really hard - I know - Ger's birthday was a couple of weeks after he died - Good Friday - now what is so good about that. Hang in there and stay tough. It is really hard but you are a strong person. Hope your kids are doing well, take care and keep in touch. Heather

Missy, When Ger got sick the most important thing for me was the signatures and looking at what other people were diagnosed with - their progression/digression and their treatment plans. Yes it was very very depressing sometimes - at the beginning and I would have to walk away from it...but I also needed to face reality and be informed. Ger didn't want to know anything. Now if I had cancer myself and was looking at the board - I don't know how I would feel. I actually thought about that today when I was responding to another post. Maybe there is something in Ger's signature that will help that person. I think if people didn't want to know - they wouldn't be on anyways - like Ger (mind you he didn't know how to turn on the computer). So - to make a long story short - I leave the information on as I hope that someone may benefit from something that we went through. Heather

Tracy, First and foremost you have alot of ambition and you can beat this. Your family are in denial. You aren't. Ger's family was in denial but they did pull through. Sometimes they don't get it cause they aren't living it 24/7 - they were also 3000 miles away. They made 2 trips up in 3 monthes...cause they finally got it. I think as long as you are talking and walking your family might not "get it". Nor.......do they need to because we are all praying that the trial treatment will do you a world of good! Spend your time with your children and husband and enjoy every minute of it. I wish you the very very best. Heather

Hi I am sorry that Harry is so nauseated. Hoping it turns around for you. Haloperidol is good for nausea and also for tension and anxiety - which could be also causing the nausea. It comes in pill form or needle. Ger had amozet?// or something like that - the pill looked like a little football. It worked really well. All the best. Heather

My deepest condolances to you and your family in the loss of your mother. Heather

Mary,my deepest condolances to you and your family in the passing of your husband. You are so right when you say that he is free, remember that feeling of happiness that you have for that in the days and monthes to come. This disease is so unfair. When I get really down and the "why did he have to go" feelings start coming over me...I look at the last pictures and know that he could not have lived on and that like your husband Gerald is now "free". Heather

Mary,my deepest condolances to you and your family in the passing of your husband. You are so right when you say that he is free, remember that feeling of happiness that you have for that in the days and monthes to come. This disease is so unfair. When I get really down and the "why did he have to go" feelings start coming over me...I look at the last pictures and know that he could not have lived on and that like your husband Gerald is now "free". Heather

Heather I am so happy for you and your family. Take care and all the best on your road to recovery!!! Heather

Cheryl, I too wasn't on this board until November 2006. I have no idea what happened - however I would be frustrated also to be only offered a brain MRI every 18 monthes. Sometimes getting help from the medical profession and advise is like pulling teeth unless you are firm and strong with your intentions. My husband had alot of cancer and with alot of his treatment we had to push for what he got - he probably lived an extra couple of monthes because of that. This board is helpful cause it gives you experience as well as treatment patterns and plans to use, summarize and take to your medical team when discussing treatment and planning. If your health is getting worse I do so hope that you will continue to use this board. My husband passed at the age of 42 and I being the same age plan on staying on this board even though I have no real purpose to now - in order to offer my help and experience to others in my area and that were experiencing the same circumstances as my husband. Heather

Hi Gerald was felt sick after radiation and had the lump in his throat etc but I also kept him on the anti nausia medication. That could help - he had a 1 cm brain met - they radiated lung and brain at same time but I think it was the lung radiation witht he esophogus that caused the problem - not the brain, hope that helps. Heather

Hello, I am from north of Toronto. This site is wonderful. Although my hubbies outcome was not so fortunate I have found both during and after a great deal of support, friendship and understanding on this site. It is the best thing that I could have had to learn from. I have just recommended this site to a co-workers wife who has just been diagnosed also. All the best and congrats, Heather

I went through this with my husband's sister earlier on....after that she didn't dare. She told him best place for him was hospital - about 2 monthes before he passed. He was scared and wouldn't leave. We finally convinced him to come home - and other than a 2 day stint home is where he stayed til he passed away. If your mother and brother are capable of caring for your father with the assistance of hospice than go for it. Someone that sick should have their wishes. And if his brothers and sisters don't like it that is really their tough luck. Not trying to be mean. But.....they are not living your mom and brothers life - nor your fathers. Heather

Yirol, I don't think there is an issue about flying with stage 4 lung cancer. I believe it would be more the clotting of superior vena cava vein or if there is thrombosis of juglar vein that would be the issue - Gerald had both. So he couldn't go anywhere. We did consider driving 2-3 hours at a time to May in Rochester - but they got him on chemo quick here and it seemed to be good at the beginning. People go to Buffalo apparently which is close - there is something there. Heather

Don Thank you for all of your support. You always volunteered information when I asked. That is much appreciated. All the best in your new ventures. Heather

Yirol Your dad is really sick. But I totally agree - if you can stabalize him on the right chemo without making him too sick then you will win some quality time with him. I don't know what hospital you had your discussion with this dr at....I am assuming Princess Margaret? I questioned alimta and avastin and was never told that either were not available. One does not work well with cancers that have a large mass as they cut off blood supply. As far as radiation - I know they did do radiation on Ger cause of all his pain - but you know what - we wanted it so bad for him it just seemed after that he had less pain but he went right down hill. I wish you the best and keep up the fight. You are doing the same that I did with questions and all - I seemed to have gotten a better response and more respect than you did. I think they either need to explain to you your fathers condition more thoroughly via graphs pictures or whatever - and I think that they need to treat you how they would want to be treated themselves if he was their dad. Have you got the ct scan discs....if you get them you might be able to see yourself why they might be talking this way and performance level 3. Need any more advise or another Canadian to talk to let me know - I am here for support. Heather