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Barbb

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Posts posted by Barbb

    I am NOT suicidal but I just don't want to live.

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    My husband died almost 2 years ago. I was suicidal for a little over a year. Now, I am feeling life creep back in. The raw new pain feels like it will last forever, but it doesn't feel that way now, I just have a deep deep sorrow. The regret and guilt I felt are getting to be less, but it takes a while. You are not feeling anything abnormal, you are desperately grieving. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.

    Barbb

    first of the "firsts"

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I'm so sorry you are experiencing this pain. Your precious little baby will bring a smile to you this weekend I bet :) Just do what you can, I hope this holiday passes gently for you.

    Barbb

    conflicting emotions-- this is a tough one

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I agree with everyone. I believe this friend came into your life for a reason, see where the relationship takes you. I can understand the feeling disloyal, but it isn't disloyal. It seems like going forward.

    My thoughts are with you, Lily, you deserve to be happy.

    Barbb

    A new job

    in HOPE

    Posted

    I have a job!!! I fill in at a dental office at the front desk and have 5 days over the next 2 months. But tonight the owner of Cheer Express called. She got my name from my former coworker-still good friend -and offered me the job. It will be taking payments, writing receipts and keeping records. Answering phones and questions of parents who come in. That will be fun. My daughter was a cheerleader in highschool and I loved it. Will be different from the other side, as in my child is 29 yrs old! I had asked God for a part time job I would like, working with nice people, and I'll work with my former co-worker!!! God is so increadibly GREAT. I LOVE HIM. I start Oct. 9 4:00 to 7:00.

    Barbb

    Under 30's Crowd

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    >

    >THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

    >If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

    >

    >When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning....

    >Uphill... barefoot...

    >

    >BOTH ways

    >

    >Yadda, yadda, yadda

    >

    >And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to laya bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

    >

    >But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

    >

    >You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

    >

    >And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

    >

    >I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

    >

    >There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

    >

    >Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

    >

    >

    >Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our *ss! Nowhere was safe!

    >

    >There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

    >

    >Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

    >

    >We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

    >

    >And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

    >When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

    >

    >We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! Wehad the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!

    >And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

    >

    >

    >You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your *ss and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

    >

    >There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

    >

    >And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

    >

    >That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980or before!

    >

    >Regards,

    >The Over 30 Crowd

    Mind bender

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    {{Lily and Jean}} it sure is hard to find our place in the world now isn't it? We had our place for so long, or at least the plan for our lives and then BOOM it changes in one sentence.

    Life has become more comfortable, softer maybe in the last few weeks, but the depth of sorrow lets itself be known out of the blue,

    don't like that.

    Barbb

    Mind bender

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Everyone had a good comment for your excellent post Nick. It seems like I am just here, just putting in my time. Even tho I have learned to do lots of things around here, and I know Rod is proud of that, it doesn't feel like I live life. I want to wake up in the morning and thank God I'm here, but not very many days are like that. I was so spoiled and loved and taken care of, I don't like doing it all by myself. Even if it is God's plan and I worship Him.

    Barbb

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