shirleyb
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Posts posted by shirleyb
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Your mother and you are both in my prayers. May her suffering end so she can find peace and that you have peace also.
I am so sorry.
Wishing you enough....
Much love,
Shirley
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Welcome to our group. It is the best support group you could ask for.
Don't worry about unloading here, I think everyone does at some point. Just know that there are plenty of people here who understand what you are going through.
As far as the bill collectors go.....file bankruptcy if you can. I know it won't do anything for the IRS issue but it might be of help to you at this point in your life if possible. They can't take your home or your car or your pension, 401k if you have one.
Other than that, do what you can, and let the rest be up to God.
I am so sorry you have to be here, but like I said before, this is the most wonderful place to be for support.
Much love,
Shirley
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Kim,
I am so saddened by the news of your mother. Ditto what Norme said. Sit with her, talk to her, touch her, and just let her know she is not alone. Not now or forever more.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
May you find peace that you did the right thing for you wonderful mother.
I wish you enough,
Much love,
Shirley
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Deb,
I am so sorry for the passing of your father. I know how much he meant to you from your posts and how much you meant to him.
I wish you peace at this time. You are in my prayers.
Wishing you enough...,
Much love,
Shirley
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I have read with interest your post. I have thought about it since it was posted and have thought long and hard about how to answer.
I was given a book about a month ago called the Decembered Grief. It has some very insightful parts to it. Part of the book explains that yes, the holiday will be difficult and it will be different. It means there will be changes made wether we want them or not. Some suggestions are made as to how to handle the changes and what you can do to help yourself get through them. I found it to be a very honest book about what people go through when they lose someone.
For me, I have accepted that Randy is dead and gone from this life. It does not mean he is gone from my heart, as I still love him so. I know I will have to make changes in my life if I want to survive. And I do want to survive. That is a choice I make. That is also what Randy wanted.
I also have decided that I will not celebrate the way we use to but I will recognize that this is the Birthday of Jesus and will honor that day for what it is. As for the "expected" holiday traditions, we as a family will do the ones that we enjoy but have decided that we need to do somethings differently.
Otherwise, I will treat this day as any other. I will do what makes me happy and the kids happy.
I am not going to try to live upto someone elses expectations of me. They do not walk in my shoes. I will hold onto the fact that I know that Randy loved me with all his heart, just as I love him still. I have to let go of what I cannot control. I want Randy to be able to look at us now and feel he is proud of how we are doing. If we were to continue to not apprieciate life, it would be a dishonor to him. I will not do that. He deserves better than that. He wanted us to be happy again and we are working towards that goal.
So think about what your mother would have wanted you to do. Do what you need to do to honor her memory. Make her proud of you. But do what feels right in your heart. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It is between you, her, and God.
I pray you have a peaceful holiday. May you remember your mother and smile that day for her if no one else.
I wish you enough,
Much love,
Shirley
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Norme,
My prayers are with you and Buddy not only now but have been for months. I do hope you are able to spend the time you need with Buddy and that he is able to respond in a positive manner to both you and the treatments.
You are in my thoughts. And like Fay stated.... you are hero's to so many.
I wish you enough,
Much love,
Shirley
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I just feel I need to make this post. This is something I learned along time ago and am trying to practice everyday.
When we get up each day, we have the opportunity to make a choice. Sometimes we don't make the choice with our conscience mind, but we do make a choice.
Each day, when I wake, I lay in bed and think to myself, I have a choice to make today. Is this going to be a "good" day or a "bad" day? I make a choice to make this day a good day. I accept that not everyday will be easy and it doesn't make the sun come out when it is cloudy, but I know in my soul, that I have made a choice to make this a good day. I have the power to choose how my day will be.
I don't know if this is any help to anyone else, but think about it. We choose how we will react to anything that happens in our lives. I choose to try to be as happy as I can be. Yes I still cry and am sad, but I accept that that is part of life. It doesn't mean that my day is bad, but I try not to get angry over trivial things.
I control what I can and the rest I have to let go. That includes the anger I might have over how things happened to Randy and our family. Anger gets me no where. It steals the joy from my heart and soul and takes away my health and any good I might do.
So today I choose to have as good a day as I can make it.
Thanks for listening and understanding. If this has helped you in any way, please share it with others. That is how we learn to live, by learning from one another.
I choose to open my eyes to see the miracles that happen everyday for what they are. Miracles.
May you have a peaceful Christmas.
I wish you enough....
Much love,
Shirley
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You go girl!!!!
I am so glad you are making the changes in your life that you need to in order to find peace within yourself.
Enjoy the tree, and make a toast to all you love so much.
Much love,
Shirley
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Thank you for your answers. I am doing pretty good with most things, it is just the "big" decisions that have me over a barrel.
I do hope to find a job soon. I have another interview on Tuesday, so I will wait and see what comes of it.
I think the other part of life right now that is really throwing me for a loop is my foster daughter is being checked for breast cancer. She is only 19. I sometimes feel like God has decided I can handle anything. And I guess I can, but this situation has added a great deal of stress to my life.
We will get through this too, but the waiting until the tests can be done is hard. With the flu that has hit, the hospital is not up to full staff so that has delayed her tests until Tuesday. I think once we know for sure one way or the other, we can then plan and do what needs to be done.
Just another bump in the road. Keep her in your prayers. I know I have been doing a lot of that lately, praying I mean.
Thank you again.
Much love,
Shirley
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David,
I wish there was someway we could bottle the energy of a two year old and give it to you.
I have had some very trying Christmas's as well. Just the whole idea that Christmas is supposed to be so happy. I think the commercialization of Christmas gets to alot of us. We need to reflect on what Christmas is truely about.
One thing I found that has helped me especially at this time of year is to set up my grow lights. The kind you would use on plants, and sit under them everyday. I think the short days and lack of sunlight has a lot to do with fatigue. I know I feel better when I use them especially in December and early Jan.
I do wish you and Karen a quiet, spirit filled Christmas this year. Be thankful for what you have, each other.
I am glad you posted as I have been wondering how you were doing.
Take care.
Much love,
Shirley
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Merry Christmas from Heaven
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights
I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers
I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place
You don't have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb
To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way
I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.
copyright 1990 John Wm. Mooney Jr.
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Christy and Darrell,
This is such a wonderful announcment!!!!
I am so happy for the both of you.
May God and all those who know you be blessed with this wonderful event.
When is the wedding?
Much love,
Shirley
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This is all so new to me. When I left home it was to join the army. While in the army, Randy and I met and married. So really, I have never had to live alone. Sure I have my children at home still by my choice and theirs too I think, but I have never not had someone to consult when it came to making decisions. I am having a very hard time in making some decisions. Decisions that I would normally make only when I knew what Randy thought. Now it is just me to make those choices and man am I having a time at it. I have been looking for work and there is a job that has been somewhat offered but my heart is torn as to what to do about it.
I have been praying about what to do and I will follow what God presents to me. It is still this feeling though of is this the right decision.
I just needed a place to put this all down. Has anyone else had to go through this too with be unsure of what to do next? How do you manage?
Any advise would be nice.
Thanks for listening.
Shirley
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You might just want to call the transit authority and see if they have any kind of program that will give a discount. I know alot do but they do not advertise it at all.
Also check with the hospital about the parking issue. So hospitals will waive the fee or reduce it for these types of situations.
It can't hurt to ask. All they can do is tell you no.
Good luck.
Shirley
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Christien,
I am so sorry to hear Steve lost his fight to this ugly monster.
My heart goes out to you. You don't have to be strong to come back.....sometimes this place give you the strenght to carry on and get through the nightmare.
My prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Much love,
Shirley
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Ann and Ricky,
Thank you so much for taking the ball and running with it. I think this area will be much used in the future.
It is sometimes hard to express the anger, frustration, loneliness that comes with being left behind in the other areas of the forum.
It also gives people the right place to ask those hard questions of what do I do now. Where do I start to get things done. Like how to get your bank account unfrozen when that was the last thing you expected to happen after your loved one has passed.
I know there are many others out there that need this area just to vent and know they are not alone.
May God bless you both.
Thank you both so much.
Shirley
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Don and Lucie,
I have you in my prayers. I do hope the PET comes back good.
Hang in there.
Much love,
Shirley
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Kim,
My husband went through lots of problems with blood clots. From his experience with the blood clots, if it were up to me, I would demand that she be hospitalized and put on heprin(sp) or other blood thinners to get the swelling undercontrol. The cumiden did not work for Randy. Randy had extreme pain because of the blood clots and was to the point he could not walk.
If you have any doubts about what to do, call the doctor, tell him how concerned and scared you are for your mother. Or if you feel the doctor is giving you the run around, take her to the emergancy room and have her admitted until this is undercontrol.
The support stockings were a blessing for Randy as they did help to decrease the pain and discomfort.
You are in my prayers.
Much love,
Shirley
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Mo,
I am so sorry for your friend and for you. I will say prayers for you and your dear friend.
Much love,
Shirley
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Ann,
I have been thinking about you all day.
I wish for you enough.......
Much love,
Shirley
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What a timely post. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. This is something I think I will have to reprint and put in frames for each of my children and brothers and sisters.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Wishing you enough.....
Much love,
Shirley
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To everyone who is new here.
I can't give you advise on treatment because my hubby died only a month after we found out how sick he was.
But in that short time, I did find out things that everyone should know.
First, get a good note book and write down everything. If you have questions, write them down in this book. When you get information from the doctors, write it down. This book will become your bible of sorts. Put everything in there. What your loved ones are taking, what tests are being done, when, where, who. The whole shibang. Take that book with you everywhere you go. It can make quiet a difference if there is an emergancy and you are not dealing with your normal doctors or health care providers.
Second, get a legal and medical power of attorney done as soon as possible. It doesn't mean you will ever need it or use it, but I will tell you from experience, without those items, if something bad happens your hands are tied. And no one should ever go through what I had to go through after Randy died. Having him gone so suddenly, left me not only with greiving for him but trying to survive when the bank froze my account and I had to wait 8 weeks for a death certificate to clear things up.
Third, keep an eye on your own health. Get your check ups done on time and if you haven't had a physical lately, get one. You need to be able to be there and not have to worry about what is going on with you and trying to "hide" it from those you love. This is going to be very stressful and we all know what stress can do to a person. Take care of yourself too.
Fourth, keep intouch with those of us here on the message board. If you have questions or concerns, this is the place to be. It has been my life line durning these past very difficult months. It keeps me sane and lets me know I am not alone in what I am going through or what you are going through. There are so many here at different stages of this nightmare and the love and concern of everyone can sustain you even in the darkest and scariest of times. Don't be afraid to ask questions. There are no stupid or silly questions asked. You can't get answers if you don't ask.
Take one day at a time.
You are all in my prayers. I pray for peace and joy and hope for all.
Much love.
Shirley
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Ann,
If I were there I would give you a hug and cry with you. I do understand how hard it is this time of year. I am also thinking of Mrs. Mike, and Shelley, and Christy, and Katieb, and Laurie, who is so new to this, and Jim W, and all the rest whose names escape me right now. You are not alone but yet it sure feels that way at times. With out all of those here, I do not know how I can go on but by the grace of God.
Much love.
Shirley
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Thank you so much for this posting.
Ann, I posted to you before reading this. I guess you could say I have egg on my face.
God sends us gentle reminders of what we should do. I need to listen more and be quiet.
Much love,
Thank you again.
Shirley
Mother passed away
in NSCLC GROUP
Posted
Kim,
I am so terribly sorry to hear that your mother passed. My heart goes out to you and your family at this time.
You have shown such courage in the face of this nightmare. May you continue to know you were loved by your mother and those here still.
I know God opened His arms this day to welcome your mother into heaven to join His birthday party that will be tomorrow.
May God bless you and keep. May His face shine upon you always.
Wishing you enough....
Much love and warm hugs.
Shirley