shirleyb
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Posts posted by shirleyb
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Bettina,
Thank you so much. I know we will both get through this and find something we would like to do and get what we need from it.
Enjoy the walks with the dog.
Take care,
Shirley
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Don,
It seems to me that I am seeing a lot of posting lately that are echoing my thoughts about what has happened.
I too have had some special people come into my life since Randy became ill and then died.
There are several I would like to share with everyone here, as they have been my angels and have shown me God's miracles.
Karen was the first one. The day we found out that Randy had cancer and were told by his onc (which is another angel) that Randy did not have much time left, I found her standing in the lobby of the hospital. She was there because her father was having some problems. Thank God it was a fluke and nothing was seriously wrong with him. She use to be one of our neighbors whom we had lost touch with. She is such a powerful prayer. I saw her just standing in the lobby as if she were waiting for me. She had no idea Randy was ill. When she saw me, she knew something terrible had happened. She held me as I cried like a lost babe in the woods. She held me as she prayed for Randy. It gave me such comfort. I will always be thankful to God for her presence. I know He sent her there to be with me and to comfort me. I needed that strength that day more than I have ever known.
The other two are people who Randy knew through his old job. Sue and Warren called the day before Randy had the surgery for the infection and asked if I or Randy needed anything. That was when they found out he was back in the hospital. They both came over Saturday morning and sat with us while we waited for the surgery and prayed with Randy and I for his safety. They then sat with us the whole day because Randy was not doing so well. When Randy died, I called their house from the hospital, Sue answered the phone and as soon as I said hello, she knew. They were the ones who helped me with all the arrangements and drove me to all the places I had to go. They made sure that I was okay and that the kids were okay. They to this day, seem to pop up when I need them the most. I call them my angels from God. If it hadn't been for them, I would not have known who to call for help or even where to start. They have always been there for me and for our children.
So Don, thank you for posting and sharing your wonderful story. I truely believe there are angels here on earth. I thank God everyday for this message board and those that participate. Without it, I don't know how I would have made it this far in my journey.
Everyone here who shares, gives of themselves in someway to others. Either by asking for help or giving it in whatever way they can. Even if it is just to say, I am here for you.
Thank you Don for posting and thank you, everyone from the bottom of my heart for caring about each other. What more of a blessing could I have asked for. It takes someone who has "been" there, done that to know and understand how hard this journey can be.
May we all find comfort in knowing there are people we have never met, that care as much as this Family does for each other.
Much love,
Shirley
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Jay,
My heart is breaking for you. It is such a shame that you or anyone else has to suffer from this nightmare. I am so sorry.
I have three boys in my home right now that are in their early 20's and what you said about your mother is the most loving thing you could have said. I do understand from a mother's point of view. I guess that is why my heart aches for you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and say honey, you will get through this too.
You are such a special young man. It takes more courage to admit and accept what is happening to you.
Don't short change yourself. People, (girls too) do understand. When you find that special friend, what a blessing that will be. But you have to open yourself up for that and that is the scary part. Give it a chance when you feel strong enough to handle it. Otherwise, just keep us posted so we know you are still fighting. I guess I am being a Mom here as my kids tell me. My door is always open and I am a good listener. Atleast that is what the kids friends tell me. They always show up on my doorstep when sh*t hits the fan.
I hope you do well and that you didn't break anything. Take care sweetie.
Much love,
Shirley
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Bettina,
I really am doing well I think. I have my days were I cry my eyes out and my heart hurts because Randy is gone. But I also know he is in a better place and without the pain and suffering that goes with the lung cancer. I also know he is with God in heaven with my father, his father, and and a host of others that loved him.
My father had a near death experience when he had a heart attack at age 49. He described what heaven was like and what it was like to feel the arms of God wrap around him and hold him close. That is what keeps me going. I know that someday I too will be with them all in heaven.
As for the job hunt, at this point in my life, I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I have always done very detailed work. I use to set up item numbers for a large company. It involved making sure every aspect of the setup was correct. An incorrect setup could have cost the company millions of dollars in fines if it came to a customs question and classification. I also controlled the pricing and costing of those same items. It always has involved using my brain and thinking about how to work smarter, not harder, as I really am a lazy person when it comes to "work". I use to run 3 desk top computers at the same time to get my job done. I figure if I can do the job and do it right and not have to correct things, I was doing good. Funny I could do that before but since I don't have a four year college degree, most employeers look at me like I know nothing at all. Not everything a person does has to have a college education. Plus with the gap of not working for the past year in their eyes, something must be wrong with me. Like taking care of Randy while he was dying was not work. It was a labor of love. I know many that have that little piece of paper (college degree) and still can't button a shirt without help much less replace the lost button. Oh well.
I am confident that I will find a job when the time is right. With the holiday's upon us, I am taking time for my kids to help them get through Christmas in a healthy way. Friends of mine say I have the "touch" to make people feel better even when my heart is breaking. Maybe I should go back to school and get that piece of paper so I can work with the kids at school. It would be worth my time, but in the meantime I have to find something that will pay the bills and put food on the table. I am not really worried about any of it. I have my faith and trust in God that He is walking beside me and protecting me.
You are still in my thoughts and prayers. We all can use all the support and friendship we can find. I do understand about not being the "social" person and how hard it is to get out and make new friends. I am the same way. I don't go out partying and most of my friends don't live close by. So I do understand. Just hang in there. Keep in touch and take care of yourself.
Much love,
Shirley
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Dear Anne,
I am so sorry that you are having to be in the position you and your family are in. Follow your heart. Be with her and let her know how much you care. God is very forgiving. I am sure He has heard each of shout at Him many times.
My prayers are with you that you all are able to find peace within yourselves.
Much love and warm hugs.
Shirley
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I am so sorry. It is such a shock. It happened so fast.
My heart and prayers are with Greg's family and friends.
Much love,
Shirley
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Norme and Buddy,
I was sure hoping for better news for you both. I am glad you are home now though and I do take your advise. Everyday I am glad to wake up in the morning and to see my kids. You just never know what tomorrow will bring.
The saying goes, yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a dream, so use to today because it is a present.
Much Love,
Shirley
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Norme and Buddy,
You two very special people are in my daily prayers. I do hope that you are able to post soon and let us all know how you are doing. It is so hard I know. If I could give you my strength, my faith, my "power" to make all well, I would in a heartbeat. Just know I care.
Much Love,
Shirley
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An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his
grandchildren about life. He said to them,
"A fight is going on inside me...
it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love,
hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity,
truth, compassion, and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you,
and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute
and then one child asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied...
"The one you feed."
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Bettina,
I am glad you are posting again. Right now I still do not have a job and I haven't really found anything that makes me want to get up and go. So I am still looking. I have faith that the right job will open when the time is right for me. I have too much faith in God not to believe He will guide me in whatever I do. In the 19 years I worked for 3M/Imation, I only interviewed for one job and that was the first one I had there. I held 7 different positions with them and each one, someone approached me with the job opening. I never really looked for any of them. And each of them brought me new joys. So I am relying on God to help me through this also.
Give youself the right to honor what you have gone through and are going through. Follow your heart in whatever decisions you make. You will almost never go wrong in following what feels right inside you. I hope you find something that you feel is right for you. It does happen. Miracles happen every day we are here and I am sure you will have yours too.
I know you have said you don't believe, and that is your right. But I still pray for you and that you find some peace and joy in your life again. I know that each day that goes by, I find myself healing. I still have my days were I cry my eyes out and my heart breaks because Randy is not here with me and our children. But then there are more days than bad it seems. It takes time. Follow your heart in all you do. Hang in there girl. I know I am not the only one pulling for you. There are many others that are too.
Take care of yourself. Honor yourself and Richard in all you do.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Much love,
Shirley
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PeeJ,
Isn't that how unemployment is? They want you off the roles as soon as possible. If you do anything that can knock you off and they find out, you are out of benefits. There is no heart in government.
Sorry things are so hard for you right now. Take care, I hope things turn around for you soon.
Shirley
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I am so sorry to hear about your father. It is so hard when we lose those we love so dearly.
Please stick around here. It has been my life line since Randy died back in August. I have found everyone here to be such help in my grieving process. I realize that we all do it differently, but stick around.
I am praying for you and your mother and the rest of your extended family. I know how hard it can be.
Again, I am so sorry.
Much love,
Shirley
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Hey Girl,
I am so glad you posted. I have been thinking about you alot.
Stay in touch. I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE.
Shirley
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Dean,
You have a wonderful idea. This is something that I wish Randy would have had time to do but because of our situation, we didn't really have time to do anything. We had hardly accepted the fact that he had cancer and then he was gone. I wish that he would have had the time to write to his children about his hopes and dreams for them and for me. It would have been something that would have given us a part of him to keep after he was gone. I hope others will think about this idea and act on it.
We each have memories of things that were and are special to us. We need to share those ideas and memories with each other because once we are gone, who is there to tell our story? I think it is a wonderful gift that you are giving to your family and friends. I hope others will do the same. How precious it would be to be able to see Randy's thoughts at this time.
Thank you for sharing with us all.
Much love,
Shirley
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Greg,
I am so sorry to hear about all that has happened. You are the one who is in control about your treatment and I must say it takes courage to do what you have done in the past and are doing now.
My heart goes out to you and your family at this very difficult time.
You need to do what you think is best for you and your family. You will all be in my prayers.
Take care, keep in touch as much as you can.
Much love,
Shirley
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Shelly,
It seems your journey has been extremely difficult. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be.
I am so sorry your life has had so many sorrows for your family.
Take care.
Much love,
Shirley
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Just a quick request to all of us that are caregivers. Please see your doctor for your checkups regularly. The stress involved with caring for our loved ones takes its toll.
As Sandy noted, she is now having issues with her heart beat and as Don stated, it is usually controllable. But if you don't know what is going on with yourself, you can end up in deep doodoo. And then how much good are you to anyone?
So please, take care of your own health. Don't let the issue of cancer ruin your health. You need to be able to be "strong" (I hate that phase but it is the best I can come up with) both physically and mentally.
I too have issues with an irregular heart beat because of all the stress. Please take care of yourself. Your loved ones are not the only one dealing with this illness. You are too.
Much love,
Shirley
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Karen,
I agree with everything everyone has already said.
I just have one quick suggestion that may help. First let me explain my situation. I have two natural children, 3 foster kids, and a grandson living with me. At the time Randy got sick and still to this day, I started having a girl come in to help with the grandson because with everyones work schedules, I was the person to take care of the grandbaby when his mother was at work. This in addition to taking care of Randy. I found I could not do it all by myself. But by having this girl come into the house with us, it allowed me to still spend time with Randy, do the chores that needed doing, and have some me time without leaving anyone alone. She is here just to play with Jacob and keep him happy and keep an eye on him when I could not be in the same room as him. It was those 5 and 10 minutes breaks in everything that was going on that saved my sanity. It allowed me to go potty and not have him at my ankles. It also allowed Randy and I to have time together. It is only for a few hours and not everyday, so it is affordable. If you don't know of anyone that fits the bill, you might want to check with your church if you have one, or the girl scouts. I found if they were between 13 and 15, that was the best age to have. They are old enough to handle him on their own for the short time I was gone, but yet old enough to know they had to be with him and keep him happy. My girl also has helped with the house work when Jacob only wants NaNa. To have someone there to help when you are on your last nerve, is a godsent.
And one last note. Not that David didn't deserve to have you blowup, but don't forget that now that you have, you both deserve the time to talk about what happened and why. Sometimes our partners are so use to us taking everything on, that they forget we are people too and need to be told we are loved and appreciated for all we do. It is not an easy road we travel.
Much love,
Shirley
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Lori,
I am so sorry that Lenny did not win this fight. It is so not fair. Stay in touch with us. I have found this board and those on here to be the most helpful in dealing with all the pain and grief that goes with losing those we love so much.
May God watch over you and give you peace. Know that Lenny is not suffering any longer.
I am so so sorry.
Shirley
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Thank you all for your words.
I know I am going to make it through this. I know I will have days like this again. But there are many worse things that could be happening, other than remembering Randy. He was my best friend and true love. He was such a special person. I truely believe God is with me now and always has been. Everything will work out in a way that is best for me.
I came across some pictures of him and us from when we were first married and then when the kids were just little. I cried and cried and laughed and laughed. Those pictures I have given the kids permission to keep. They mean so much to them now. We talked about the good times we were having when they were taken and all the fun stuff that goes with looking at old pictures. It truely is a blessing that we had the love we did.
I also have made each of the kids, not just our two natural kids, but the other three foster kids we have, and our grandson quilts out of all of Randy's old shirts. They will be getting those for Christmas this year. As I have finished each one, the kids have looked at them and said, I remember when Dad wore that shirt. I feel they truely are going to be keepsakes for the kids and they will love them and they will remember their father always.
I will always honor the memories I have of Randy. I will not make him into a saint because he wasn't. Nor am I. I am only one of God's children and I will join His family one day along with those that have passed before me. But for now, I am here on earth and I will survive and I will honor them.
May we all be able to find joy in our lives as we continue on this journey that God has laid out before us.
Much love,
Shirley
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Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. It really makes one stop and think about what Christmas is about.
Thank you again.
Shirley
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I am so saddened to hear this.
I will say a special prayer for Lenny and your family as I write this.
God's peace be unto you all.
Shirley
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Shawna,
I don't have any answers to your request but I will keep you and your family in my prayers. My brother is a 4 year lung cancer survivor. So there is hope out there.
Shirley
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Christy,
You and Darrell are in my prayers.
Take care or yourself. I pray everything comes out to be minor issues and nothing majob.
Much love,
Shirley
another thought on how one might get lung cancer
in GENERAL
Posted
Linda,
Thank you for your posting. Everything you said is so true. No one deserves this or any other kind of cancer. It makes one stop and think.
You have a way with words my dear.
Shirley