lilyjohn
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Posts posted by lilyjohn
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I too watched the show. I found it very interesting but also wished for more of the near death experiences. It was good tho to see so many different faiths that originated in distant and often isolated places that all have a similar concept of Heaven. That in itself says a lot if you stop and think about it. How would all of these people from different places come up with an explanation of life after death if there were not some basis for it?
Now I want to tell you something that happened recently. I think it will add more to your understanding and reinforce your beliefs.
As many of you know my friend of many years died recently. She was married to Johnny's brother. In 1990 he had a massive heart attack that left him severely brain damaged. Over the years his mind has improved but he is still much like a child. Because of that like a child he doesn't question what he sees or hears. He doesn't use logic to explain things away.
Not long after Johnny died his daughter heard him talking to Johnny. He was in a nursing home and the person in the bed next to him also asked her who John was and told her that Harold talked to him all of the time. When she heard him talking to Johnny she questioned him and he told her that Johnny had been there but he had left. He had told him that when he got out of there they were all going to have a big party!
When his wife died they didn't tell him. He had had such a strong reaction when he learned that she had cancer that his daughter feared what learning of her death would do to him. A few days ago she heard her dad talking to her mom. He called her Mama and said "oh no. I didn't know that" Sense he has not asked about her sense then she is convenced that her mom came to him and told him that she had died but that it was alright. Like a child he accepted what he saw and heard. Maybe it is time that we all learn to be more accepting and then we too will see beyond the vail and know for certain about the things that we only wish we did now
So I say to all of you we don't need a television show or answers from other people. All we really need to do is open our minds and hearts and see what is there for us to see.
My Merry Christmas to you is a reminder for those of you who are Christians "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not parish but have everlasting life"
Even if you don't believe in Christ believe in those first and last words. "For God so loved the world" and "Shall have everlasting life"
Those are words that give us all what we need HOPE. Hold on to them and God Bless all of you. Merry Christmas. Lillian
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I have a few minutes before I leave for work so I want to say a few things to all of you.
First of all I want to wish everyone a peacefull and happy Christmas.
For those of you who celebrate a different holiday because of a different faith I wish you the very best of the season.
I know there are many who wish they could just forget this time and wake up and have it in the past. It is hard to live through a season of joy when your heart is broken seemingly beyond repair. I know this is the first major time that some of you are facing without your loved one and I know only too well how hard that is.
When you can not find joy look to hope. This site was started to give people hope. When do we need that more than when we have lost someone who is so much a part of us? If you are Christian and you think of the reason we celebrate Christmas you will know that it is all about hope. Christ was born to give us hope. Hope of a better life where there will be no suffering. No heartache or pain and peace will live on forever.
During all of the years that Johnny and I were seperated I always knew deep down in my heart that he was out there somewhere and that he loved me. It was that knowledge that gave me what I needed to face many hard times during those years. Now as hard as it is I have come to believe that he is still out there somewhere and I know beyond a doubt that he still loves me. That is what gets me though some of the hardest days of my life.
So many things have happened sense his death that I know that death of the body is not the end. Someone once said that we should think of our loved ones as just being in a place away from us, just as if they were traveling somewhere without us. In this case it is us who are away. They are home and we are still here. I believe that we come to this Earthly life for two reasons. One is to learn and the other is to teach. We are all to learn the lessons of humility, unconditional love, compassion and patience. We are also here to help others learn those lessons. When our lessons are learned we go home. The ones we leave behind are still learning and when the time comes that they too have learned their lessons they will go home as well.
If you believe in Christmas as the birthday of Christ and all He stands for you believe in eternal life. That is the hope that He brought to us. That is the reason that we celebrate. Hold on to that hope and even if you can not find the kind of joy that the season usually brings think of the joy you will find when your visit here is over and you go home to all of your loved ones. Then you can see Christmas as a time of joy because the gift we recieve is far bigger than any other.
Our loved ones are not gone. I'm sure that most if not all of us believe that. They are just a whisper away sending us love and encouragement to help us though our lessons so we can join them someday.
So from the bottom of my heart I once again wish you a very Merry Christmas and "Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men"
God bless. Lillian
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I don't know if I will have another chance to come here before Christmas. I have just 2 more nights off and will be preparing to leave early Chirstmas Eve. For the first time sense 2001 I will be having Christmas with a lot of family.
I just want to say Merry Christmas to everyone and if you celebrate a different holiday I hope it too is filled with peace, love and most of all family. May God Bless everyone and know that you too are so much in my heart as I count my friends and say "Thank you" to God for all he has given me. Lillian
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I was so tired on my way home this morning and because of a sleepless night I had a terrible headache. All I wanted was to get home. The weather looked so threatening that I prayed to get home with no problems. Then I got to the top of the grade that looks down on Whiskeytown Lake. Like always it took my breath away. I felt such peace and calm. This is my home and as hard as it is to live here and work in town I wouldn't have it any other way.
Then while my hands were warming up(there was no heat in here for a week and it was freezing) I came here to check my email and saw the responses from all of you. My eyes filled with tears. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.
Sometimes I am so sure that most of the people in this world are lost causes. There is just so much bad we see everyday but this past week I have met so many kind people. I know that there is more good than bad it just takes something to bring in out in most people.
I left here Monday morning at 7am. During the day I worked my other clients then at night went back to the home of one of my ladies who just got out of the hospital. She has really declined and needs to be watched very closely. Most of the night she sleeps but often stays up late and gets up early. Before she would sleep until ten every morning but not any more. So my sleep was never as sound as it would have been were I at home.
I logged 104 hours this past week but most of it was overnight. I did get to sleep but as I said not always restfull. Last night I didn't sleep at all. I went to bed at nine thirty and the last time I looked at the clock it was one am. Then I started to doze and had a split second dream in withch I saw this lady take a bad fall. After that I couldn't do more than doze and I was awake by 4:35.
On Tuesday I had a few hours in the morning so I went to the social security office and filed for my social security. I will get my first check in April and will have to slow down because if I don't I will have to pay back one dollar for every two that I make over the allowed amount. There is no way I am going to do that!
After leaving social security I went to Wall Mart and got some gift cards to send to my children and grandchildren. Then I went to a mailing place(not the post office)and mailed the cards to my kids and and my Christmas cards. I took a while for a good lunch and then went to my next job.
The rest of the week my schedule was full all day until Friday. On that day I had 4 hours so I did some grocery shopping and then went for a Christmas tree. I was looking but saw none that I could afford. Then the man asked what I was looking for. I told him that I wanted something for around $25. I told him that I would not be home much but I wanted a tree. He asked what I do and I told him. He told me to go with him and we would find me a tree. I thought he would take me to the cheapest ones but instead he asked me if I wanted to look at the silver tips. Those are the most expensive and I've always wanted one but knew that I couldn't afford one. He said well lets see.
He showed me a beautiful tree but it was marked $39 then he said he would give it to me for $30 no tax. I agreed and he put it in my trunk. Then he told me to go inside and give the girl $25 and told me to have a nice Christmas. I was so touched by his kindness.
One day during the week I went to one of my other ladies and I was so tired. She told me to set for awhile. She is very high maintanance and the one I always worry about so much.Then she told me that she doesn't want me to get sick because she loves me so much. How could I ever look at these people as just a job? They give so much to me. My other lady told me that any time I have to stay in town I have a home with her. I didn't even try to explain that it isn't allowed. I just thanked her.
Then one of my ladies who hired us was very upset because she got a letter saying that we could not accept gifts for Christmas. She said that she understood why they would say that but she had hired us and she had all of her senses. When I left she handed me back a bag that I had taken her some pralines in. Later when I looked inside I found a card with $20 inside!
Then there are my neighbors who look after me and my home when I am gone. Everyone is just so good to me. I truly am blessed with all of you.
Oh I almost forgot. On Thursday I was kind of down thinking about Ann and her aniversary and wondering what will happen to these ladies I care for. Then I looked out Claire's window and there he was! The robin I had seen last week was there. Then when I went to ge my dog at my nieces I passed a field and there was a donkey. Two of my signs from Johnny
Well it has been a very long day and I need to get off of here soon and try to get some sleep. I didn't get home until ten this morning and sense then I washed 3 loads of clothes and put them away, made a cake for our pot luck we had here today. Changed the sheets on my bed and vacumed my house. I also made two batches of pralines, went to the pot luch and decorated my tree. Then I got bags of candy ready to take to church tomorrow.
Next week will be another long one. I'm not sure that I will have much time to come here. Monday I have my all day and all night job then work all day eveyday and do another overnight on Thursday. Friday night I will have to make my cake and pie to take to my sister in law's for Christmas dinner, do my laundry and pack my bags again. I will leave early Christmas eve to go spend Christmas with my sister in law and leave from her house on Monday morning to go to my all day and night job again.
So you see I do keep busy. Thank God all I have to do tomorrow is call my kids, go to church and make cookies. Hopefully I will get that done earlier.
Well there I went writing a book again and I was just coming here to say thank you all for being so kind. I hope that this week will be a good one for all of you and that you meet at least one person as nice as some of the people that I have met lately. God Bless you all and good night. Lillian
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Ann I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for you that day. You were on my mind all day. I knew how hard it would be for you. I hope that now "the" day has passed you are doing better. I did get better but thinking of you and someother things made that a very hard day for me as well. My heart is always with you. I think you know that. Lillian
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Even half of this list would be wonderful when you are in that deep void that is still so full of pain.
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Silent Night and Lori Morgan has a medly of Christmas songs out. It is so beautiful it makes me cry.
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I'm with Becky have to go with Christmas Vacation. I have watched it at least once except the year Johnny died every year sense it came out. It always makes me laugh and somehow I always seem to need that at Christmas time.
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I would agree with Ann and the others on the computer but there are a couple of other things. I have Johnny's guitar. I have always wanted to learn to play it and was going to have him teach me but it didn't work out so someday when I have time (If I am not too old to pick it up) I will play with it and see if I can teach myself a little.
The other thing is a locket that I wear everyday with my praying hands. The locket has a butterfly on it the symbol of rebirth inside is a picture of Johnny talking to me on the phone and some strands of his hair I took out of his brush. That way I always carry a part of him with me.
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When I was making dinner for my family I did almost all of the cooking. One dish my daughter in law made was the brocoli rice and cheese caserole. This is what our dinner would consist of.
Turkey
Ham
cornbread dressing
rice dressing
candies sweet potatoes
mashed potatoes
coleslaw
gravy
asparagis
olives
stuffed celery
cranberry sauce
wine for adults and coke for the kids
Desserts I would make 2 chocolate pies, 1 lemon pie and one sweet potatoe pie. Then usually a banana nut cake with banana and whip cream for icing.
I had planned on making this dinner for Johnny and have his kids to our home if not on Christmas day one day around then. When he died I was so alone. The first Christmas away from my family and Johnny was gone. His son was trying to move, deal with Johnny's death and his wife had a baby by C section on the 17th and had a severe infection. I decided that I would cook the dinner and take it to his son's house. That was my gift to my Johnny and to his family.
This year I am going to my sister in law's house. She moved about 50 miles from me a month ago. I will go spend the whole weekend there and leave early morning to go to work. All I am bringing is a mayonaise cake and lemon pie. Just not enough time to do any more. Of coarse I do have some pralines and fudge and cookies I plan on making to go there with.
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>>> I recieved this email and thought it would be a good one to share. Hope you like it!
>>>There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.
>>>
>>>Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.
>>>
>>>Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat
>>>and watched the people go by.
>>>
>>>She never tried to speak.
>>>
>>>She never said a word.
>>>
>>>Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.
>>>
>>>The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see
>>>if the little girl would still be there.
>>>
>>>Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was
>>>yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.
>>>
>>>Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.
>>>
>>>For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place
>>>for young children to play alone.
>>>
>>>As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.
>>>
>>>It was grotesquely shaped.
>>>
>>>I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no
>>>effort to speak to her.
>>>
>>>Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if
>>>you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.
>>>
>>>As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to
>>>avoid my intent stare.
>>>
>>>As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more
>>>clearly.
>>>
>>>She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.
>>>
>>>I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.
>>>
>>>I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."
>>>
>>>The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi"; after a long
>>>stare into my eyes.
>>>
>>>I smiled and she shyly smiled back.
>>>
>>>We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.
>>>
>>>I asked the girl why she was so sad.
>>>
>>>The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm
>>>different."
>>>
>>>I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled.
>>>
>>>The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."
>>>
>>>"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and
>>>innocent."
>>>
>>>She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and
>>>said, "Really?"
>>>
>>>
>>>"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people
>>>walking by."
>>>
>>>She nodded her head yes, and smiled.
>>>
>>>With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her
>>>wings to spread, then she said "I am."
>>>
>>>"I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye.
>>>
>>>I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.
>>>
>>>She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself.
>>>My job here is done".
>>>
>>>I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an
>>>angel?"
>>>
>>>She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that
>>>could see me," and then she was gone.
>>>
>>>And with that, my life was changed dramatically.
>>>
>>>So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is
>>>always watching over you.
>>>
>>>Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you.
>>>
>>>Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to
>>>let them know you're glad they care about you.
>>>
>>>Like the story says, we all need someone...
>>>
>>>And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way.
>>>
>>>The value of a friend is measured in the heart.
>>>
>>>I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.
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Whenever I need a good laugh I re read this one. I may have posted it before but for all of the newbies I am putting it again. Make sure you are not eating anything when you read it. I get all of these images when I read it. Sorry guys at least the ladies will find it funny
ooouch!Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I
had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem.Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage
disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second"
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my
head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember
performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the f! ascinating dangling objects
she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
> >hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a
"fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
option.
I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air
when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front! of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about. Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got
your tongue?"
If they only knew!
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When my grandson was in the sixth grade he read this to the whole school at their assembly for Christmas. He had the perfect Cajun accent. The scene was set with him in an old flannel shirt and a pair of rubber boots (Cajun Reboks). He sat in a rocker with all of the kintergarden class at his feet. It made quite a sight. I have him on film at my son's house reading it to all of the other grandchildren and relatives in front of the fireplace. It is a very special memory for me.
I guess I have to admit that Louisiana had more influence on me than I thought because I understand every word
I thought I would post it here for fun and the memories it brings. I hope you like it if you can understand it
CAJUN NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAs
Twas the night before Christmas, An' all t'ru de house,
Dey don't a t'ing pass, Not even a mouse.
De chirren been nezzle, Good snug on de flo'
An' Mamm pass de pepper, T'ru de crack on de do'.
Den Mama in de fireplace, Done roas' up de ham,
Stir up de gumbo, An' make bake de yam.
Den out on de by-you, Dey got such a clatter,
Make soun' link old Boudreau, Done fall off his ladder.
I run like a rabbit, To got to de do',
Trip over the dorg, An' fall on de flo'.
As I look out de do', In de light 0' de moon,
I t'ink "Manh, you crazy, Or got ol' too soon."
Cuz dere on de by-you, W'en I stretch ma' neck stiff,
Dere's eight alligator, A pullin' de skiff.
An' a little fat drover, Wit' a long pol'n stick,
I know r'at away, Got to be ole St. Nick.
Mo' fas'er and fas'er, De 'gator dey came.
He whistle an' holler, An' call dem by name:
"Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an' Alcee,
Gee, Ninette! Gee Suzette! Celeste and Renee!"
"To de top 0' de porch, To de top 0' de wall,
Make crawl, alligator, An' be sho' you don' fall.
"Like Tante Flo's cat, T'ru de treetop he fly,
W'en de big ol' houn' dorg, Come a run hisse'f by,
Like dat up de porch, Dem ole 'gator clim!
Wit' de skiff flill 0' toy, An' St. Nicklus behin'.
Den on top de porch roof, It soun' like de hail,
W'en all dem big 'gator, Done sot down dey tail.
Den down de chimney, He fell wit' a bam.
An' St. Nicklus fall, An' sit on de yam.
"Sacre!" he axclaim, "Ma pant got a hole,
I done sot ma'se'f, On dem red hot coal.
"He got on his foots, An' jump like a card,
Out to de flo', Where he Lan' wit' a SPLAT!
He was dress in musk-rat, From his head to his foot,
An' his clothes is all dirty, Wit' ashes an' soot.
A sack full 0' playt'ing, He t'row on his back,
He look like a burglar, An' dass fo' a fack.
His eyes how dey shine, His dimple how merry!
Maybe he been drink, De wine from blackberry.
His cheek was like a rose, His nose like a cherry,
On secon' t'ought maybe, He lap up de sherry.
Wit' snow-white chin whisker, An' quiverin' belly,
He shook w'en he laugh, Like de stomberry jelly!
But a wink in his eye, An' a shook 0' his head,
Make my confi-dence dat, I don' got to be scared.
He don' do no talkin', Gone straight to his work,
Put playt'ing in sock, An' den turn wit' a jerk.
He put bot' his han', Dere on top 0' his head,
Cas' an eye on de chimney, An' den he done said:
"Wit' all 0' dat fire, An' dem burnin' hot flame.
Me I am' goin' back, By deway dat l came.
"So he run out de do', An' he clim' to de roof.
He am' no fool, him, For to make one more goof.
He jump in his skiff, An' crack his big whip.
De 'gator move down, An' don' make one slip.
An' I hear him shout loud, As a splashin' he go,
"Merry Christmas to all, 'Till saw you some mo'!"
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I have something to say. I hope that I can find the right words to explain and do it without writing a book!
Most of you who have been here a long time know that when I first came here I was very angry. At times I still feel the anger.
After Johnny died I spent a year trying to get my footing. Trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do with my life. It was not an easy time. I felt like to have suffered so much loss and heartbreak that there had to be a reason. I thought that there was something major that God wanted me to do and I had to go through what I had to get there.
During that first year I found this board. Then not long after God brought me to this beautiful place that I now call home. The people here not only accepted me as part of the community but they accepted me as part of the community family. Those two things were very special gifts. I was to learn that there was much more.
Sense Johnny's death I have more friends than I ever have in my life. Friends that I met through him or because of him. I also learned things that I could not have learned had I not gone through the time of caring for him and the heartache of his death. Those things help me do my job. A job that I feel very blessed with. I work with some very special people. People who need someone to care and understand, to talk to them instead of at them. I am able to do that because of what I learned and the heartache that makes me want so desperately to do it.
I don't know why God has chosen me to do what I do. I don't know why it had to come about the way that it did. I just know that for some reason He wants me here right now doing what I do. He gave me what I would need to do it. I will never make a major difference in the world but maybe I can make a small difference in the lives of a few very dear people. Maybe that is what it is all about. Would I trade it all to have Johnny back? Without question but that is not an option. So I look at all of you and the work I do and all of my other friends both near and long distance as special gifts from both my Johnny and God. I truly am blessed.
For all of those who have offered me encouragement I send my heartfelt thanks. For those who have sent me PMs of encouragement I have not forgotten you. I will answer soon but right now my time is very limited. I will be leaving again at 7am in the morning and won't be home again until next Saturday. It will be a long week and I will miss all of you but I want you to know that you will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Best of love and hope to all of you. Lillian
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It is strange that you posted this now. I came here to tell about something similar.
I think I told once before about the man in the assisted living home who told me almost the exact same thing that your dad said. His story gave me what I needed to get envolved with people again and to trust my faith.
On Thursday I went to spend the night with one of my clients who just got out of the hospital. I spent Thursday night and Friday night and all day yesterday until 8 am this morning. Her daughter told me a few things about her illness.
I wrote about this lady once before asking why a person lives so long. She was questioning why she couldn't just "go to sleep and go". She came down with a urinary tract infection, a very serious thing for the elderly and those with dementia. As it turned out she nearly died. She told me about her hulcinations and her daughter told me more.
On Tuesday she was in very bad condition. Her daughter thought that she was losing her. She told me that her mom was talking to her dad telling him that she wanted to go with him. I guess he must have told her that it is not her time because she started to improve after that. Now she doesn't talk about dying any more. I think that maybe she had a near death experience and her husband sent her back!
We talked quite a bit about some experiences that we have each had. She told me that when ever she is really having a problem something special happens. She never did explain what that is and when I told her daughter about part of it she didn't know anything about it. When I questioned her again she couldn't remember.
This has to be another validation for all of us who have questions about our loved ones and our own afterlife.
By the way we were listening to music and I mentioned wanting to see the new Johnny Cash movie. She said "me too take me". When her daughter came in we discussed it and tomorrow we plan a ladies afternoon out to go see the movie. I am really looking forward to it. I can't think of better company to do something enjoyable.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Dearest Beth
I wish there were some majic words to take your pain away but there aren't. Even if there were I know that you would not be ready yet. As terrible as it is the pain and anger are things that you need right now to help you through the next days and weeks. I won't tell you that you will get over it because that would be a lie but you will get through the days and weeks ahead even if you feel now that there is no way that is possible.
Losing someone you love so much is hard any time but for those of us whose lost is so close to Christmas it seems somehow harder.
I think one of the hardest things is that we feel that there has to be some very large purpose for what we have to endure a purpose that we can't see but need to know so desperately. I can only say that in time you will come to understand a small measure of that purpose. It won't make the pain any less but it will help you to go on with your life. It will help you to realize that even tho the life ahead will never be the same it is still precious. I feel that God does have a purpose for everything that happens to us but often it is a purpose that we just can't understand.
Right now you are still very raw. You not only feel anger and heartache but you feel very cheated. I have learned that those feelings are quite normal. You have became a part of this very special family. Come here when ever you feel the need. We laugh, cry and pray together. I can never begin to tell you how much the wonderfull people on this board have helped me.
You will be in my prayers. I will pray that you can find some rest and that as hard as it is somehow you will find some peace. May God Bless and hold you. Lillian
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I agree with the others. There are just so many things that will remind you of her. When that happens she is with you. You are a part of her and she is a part of you. Death can not change that.
As far as the signs go I believe that those come when we are at rock bottom. They will let us know that they are with us but they also want us to be able to stand without them. When they think that we are ready they send us little signs. Like Ann said we don't always recognize them or just brush them off as our imagination. The bigger things like dreams that are not regular dreams will come, it just takes time. It has to be the right time and we are not always able to know when that time is but they do and God does.
Just be patient. Your mom loves you and she is there in time you will feel her more and more. Right now the pain you are feeling is so strong that it doesn't allow you to feel anything else. I hope that soon you will feel her around you. In the mean time talk to her. Tell her how much you miss her and how much you would like to have a sign from her during the holidays. Then just wait with an open mind and open heart.
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This is easy. Stopping at 3 is the hard part.
Johnny was talented and soooo sexy. I was the most jealous person you could imagine when we first met.
He had the kindest heart and his love always shown in his beautiful golden brown eyes. Still he always told me how much he loved me.
He also had the greatest sense of humor. His humor was a little rustic but he could always make me laugh. He liked to tease me and make me blush. I could give an example but I'm not sure you are all ready for what he told his daughter in law about why his son should go to chemo
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Much love going out to you Shirley. You always seem to know exactly what to say at the right time. Have a Merry Christmas.
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Prayers going your way for Bill, Beth and you and Brian.
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Well things may be getting a little better for me but you won't believe what I have to do to get there.
I found out that one of my ladies is in the hospital with a urinary tract infection. Someone her age with dementia that is very serious. She is supposed to get out of the hospital tomorrow and will need 24 hour a day care for at least a week. Sense I am the one who first went to her and I see her more often I will be taking the night shift. I'll do my other jobs during the day then go to her house in the evenings.
I will come home Sunday morning for our church program and then go back to her house Monday morning and will not be home again until Thursday evening. The pay is very good so I can't pass it up. It won't solve all of my money problems but it sure will help. I feel too that I really need to be there for this lady.
So this evening has been a real rush. I had to stop a couple of places on the way home so even tho I got off at one thirty I didn't get home until after three. I came in grabbed a bite of lunch then got started. I made some pralines because that is what I give out to my friends at church. Then I made cookies for after our Christmas program at church Sunday. My groceries were still setting here from yesterday ( I spent too long on chat and after eating a bite and finishing off a half bottle of wine I didn't want to put them away). I got those picked up and took the pieces of meat I bought and devided them into packs. I have to freeze them because I won't be home to cook.
Now I have Christmas cards to make out if they are going to get out in time. And I have to pack my bag for three days. Sunday I will wash in the evening so I will have clean clothes for the week away.
It is really a lot of rushing right now but I can handle it. I was supposed to start my job tomorrow at 1:30 but I am waiting to hear if I won't have to go at 10 instead. My other lady was not feeling well today and really needs someone there in the morning. I haven't heard for sure yet so I am trying to get all I can done tonight. If I don't go early I can do my laundry in the morning and maybe rest a little.
I have to tell you what happened today. It shows why I love my job so much. I get very tired and really would like some time off but it is so rewarding at times.
I got to Clair's house this morning and the first thing she told me was that she was sick. While questioning her I started to suspect that she too may have a UTI. I called her son and he called the in home nurse. She came out and checked her out. She is very weak but most vitals are good. Oxygen sats are a little low but not too bad. She just complained of being tired and weak and running to the bathroom so much that she didn't sleep well. I got a urine sample and it is being tested. If anything shows we should know and have medication by Friday. I don't want to be an alarmist but I know how bad that could be. Her nurse agreed with me. She said a trip to the hospital would make the Alzhiemers worse.
After the nurse left I brushed her hair and we took care of some hygene. I took her walker out and told her to use it instead of the cane until she is stronger. While I was brushing her hair she told me again that I am a good mother. She said "you take better care of me than my mother did". I protested but she told me that it was true. She said her mother was more interested in taking care of herself. I know that she has told me once before that she had run away from home when she was a girl because her step father kept trying to "do things" to her. I guess the problem runs deeper than I thought. At any rate it really made me feel good when she told me that I take such good care of her. Do you see why it is hard to say no when I am asked to put in extra time with these ladies? The money sure helps because I need it so bad but I need what they give me just as much.
Tomorrow morning before I leave I will take Misty to my nieces house. She won't be so lonely and she will be warmer. I won't have to worry either wondering if they forgot to come and walk her and feed her. They say they didn't forget but I sure found it disturbing when I came home yesterday. I guess it could be that she is just lonely and is rebelling by doing things she never did before and eating so much more. That would explain the lake in the bathroom and the empty food dish if they did come like they said.
So other than checking a little Sunday night I won't be here for a week. I will be thinking about all of you and hoping that everything is going well. Thanks again for all of your support. Lillian
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I already had the best of the best but if I had to chose someone else I would say. Alan Jackson, love his voice and that sweet sexy smile,George Cloony, and Pierce Brosdan. Now would that make a handsome man or what?
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Well Ann it is my turn. You are always there when my bad time comes. Like you said we are here to take eachother by the boot straps and drag along. You only have a few more days then you will be past "the day". It does get easier after that. You are strong and we both know that Dennis knows and is not far away. Hang on my friend we know that the ride didn't stop 3 years ago. It just keeps going and going but there are some ups now at least instead of all downs.
After Christmas Update
in GENERAL
Posted
I have been gone for a while too. Yours is the first post I have read and I want you to know that you are and will continue to be in my prayers. I am so glad you had that special day of love and togetherness. That is the truest form of Christmas gift.