Elaine
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Posts posted by Elaine
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Bruce, and to think, I figured you for a breast man!
But instead you are a devil egg.
I should have known, lol.Thank you for your good wishes, and back atcha! You are THE kindest of kind and thoughtful people.
elaine
Ry, I am headed "home" and on the way I am stopping at AmyPs to steal homemade pies off her windiwsill, LOL.
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or else I am going to end up with some kind of dark meat looking pass, yech!
Ok, so drumstick and giblets have been taken. I am not proud, I will take a wing so someone else can have the breasts--like maybe, Bruce, lol! I mean maybe he is not going to Dollywood and will be missing the real thing!
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Oops wrong forum, LOL.
elaine
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Anyone not cooking??? lol
Come to chat, pls... Pretty pls with sugar on top?
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Bruce and all:
Oh, I am sorry, Bruce. You are like the nicest guy I have ever met that I haven't really ever met!
You know while we are on the subject, I may as well let it all out!
One thing bothers me a lot! It is people who say that if they were dxed with a probable or possible terminal illness they would do such and such...
They don't know WHAT they would do or not do, I can guarantee that! They don't know HOW they would feel, I can guarantee that! It is impossible for anyone to know such a thing. I certainly didn't know what I would do or how I would feel.
Actually, I would have assumed I would have done differently than I have. I cant even understand why, for example, I didn't or haven't done what I would have thought I would do, except that NO ONE can predict what a person will do, even themselves!
I guess it's worse when a person says what another person "should or should not do" and I don't mean in the way of treatment, only. I mean in general. It's so judgemental and so disrespectful of the person who is ill.
Sometimes, I think it is the ignorance of youth or some kind of romantic notion we all got from watching movies. It's somewhat understandable from the young... but the not so young.....
I have gotten that from my husband, on occassion and I sometimes can almost SEE him thinking it-. THAT pisses me off.
I had a ton of goals, before this DX. A ton. Few, if any, were possible for financial but mainly physical and emotional reasons once I got sick.
It IS and has been hard to readjust what I can or will be able to do. I know even Dean had some trouble readjusting to his limitiations. And to be quite frank, for a long time, I didn't really want to live a long, long time if I couldn't live on what I assumed were ANY of my terms.
I don't if this makes sense or not and I am not berating anyone, I just want to let people know how I and maybe others feel about this.
I have seen people on here being judged for not having a "fighting spirit." Well, no one knows or can define what a fight means until you are in it. And we all have our own definitions and rules of fighting, so it's not fair to assert one's own definitions on another.
Secondly, everyone has his or her own life expereinces prior to an illnesss which play into how another will react etc to a serious if not terminal illniess.
And we each have our own bodies and our own cancers and our own physical symptoms.
To fess up, I have caught myself thinking that if the roles were reversed and my husband were ill, I would do such and such etc. Truth is, I don't really know what I would do or say, but I can only surmise and I then just let myself know that I don't really know....
elaine
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Yes in October almost two months after things noticably got worse. I have never had obsructive pneumonia that I know of and no effusions have ever been noted.
The only other thing I have noted since about that time is what Bill (on the board) and I have called involuntary gasps. His wife's drs said that those happen because of a mass hitting the diaphram (sp) while I was told it had to do with obstruction. My original and as far as I know only tumor is not near the diaphram. I don't have a clue which is right and maybe both are right. Seems doubtful to me.
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Well, if it's any solace, I get that from my husband, and I also have cancer.... I have gained 20 pounds, I don't do a heck of a lot because my legs hurt and I am SOB. Of course, I would be able to DO more if I would only do more, he thinks. Now that I am in almost constant pain, I am even lazier.
Oddly enough my husband is overweight himself--I guess that would be NOT oddly enough, lol. B ut he has always been overweight while I used to be thin, I mean paper thin. For some reason that must make a diffence!?
Oh, are you messy, too!? I am. Thing is, he is all the things he calls me. I know it. So now I just ignore it. He has to live with his words. I don't. I can't say I haven't cried over it a few times. I can also say that when he apologizes and turns right around the next day and says some other horrible thing, that I take much heed in his apologies.
Don, I don't know that being a primary caregiver is the most stressful of roles. I see that a lot on here. I guess I may never know.
I do know that having a prbable terminal cancer isn't a walk in the park. I wish people knew how hard it is to watch people do things I know I can not do and might never be ab le to do again. SImple things like not knowing for sure if I will be able to make it through the whole grocery store on any given day.
It's often so stressful to just contemplate whether I will be able to do something....
I know that I was a great teacher and today I was YMing with a friend about her recent trip to an English teacher conference and to an organization where I was once a director. Those were my worlds and after a bit of spirited "talk" I got pretty sad ....
I accomplished so many of my life's goals. I was always in a hurry, though. Always doing the next thing and hopping around with the enthusiasm of several. Then crashing.
Sometimes now, I feel like I am in a permanent crash, but my mind doesn't know it. That , too, is frustrating. I watch decorating shows. One thing I always wanted to do is re-do a house. But I was too busy moving to do that. Watching isn't nearly as fun as taking the risk.
Being in a hurry took its toll, too because I could have been with my kids more. But the truth is I was a stay at home mom for 6 years. I wasn't the happiest of stay at home moms. The only thing I liked about staying home was playing with the kids and I couldn't do that for 18 hours--my attention span was pretty short, then, too or I would have played 18 hours straight, I think.
In other times of my life, I might have yelled back. But even before I was sick, I had stopped letting stuff get to me. I guess, I pretty much had my strengths and weaknesses figured out. That helped.
I may in fact be fat, now. But you know, I am pretty damn happy about that since it means I am NOT losing weight.
I think the anger hurts the angry one more. On the other hand, I know I carry hurt over those words of his.... So maybe I should yell back.
I don't know if Dave was always like that or not. My husband kind of was, but I know the stress of me being sick and now him out of work is making it worse.
I know that Dave has it lucky in that I know that you will always take care of him. I think as a woman, it's not so clear that a husband will take care of a wife if she is ill. Too many studies have shown men splitting when the going looks tough.
I am just rattling on, I guess. Because I feel like I am on both ends of this . I kind of know how Dave might feel and I do know how it feels to be berated for something I don't know if I have much control over.
My heart goes out to you both.
elaine
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Whew, I WAS kind of laughing out loud and feeling a little guilty about doing it, so I am glad you meant to brighten my day!!!!
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John, I wondered the same thing, since I am hearing "crackles" in the morning and at some other times--this had been going on for several months. However, neither the August xray nor the recent one showed any areas of collapse--assuming I can trust anyone here to read a chest xray.
I don't know what is causing the crackles. I don't know what is causing the increase in SOB. The only thing I can figure out is that the bronchus is increasingly more blocked.
But that's the worst part, I have had to "guess" what is going on since no one has ever told me why I have crackles other than look at me like well you have lung cancer and the same thing goes for why I am more SOB.
Two weeks ago, I basically had to beg for them to check sats with an oximeter--and at rest it was 95 per cent. I thought they did those after exertion too, but I guess not since the nurse ran out of the room directly after telling me I was within "normal range"---
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One way people could help is by googling in to the site instead of putting it in their favorites. I always google in. The site is about the third one down when I type in "lung cancer forum."
But of course there are other search engines, so I guess I am not helping that much.
elaine
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Thank You!!
in HOPE
Karen
This is great news. I hadn't been posting for awhile, but my good thoughts were always being sent your family's way. I am so happy for you all.
love and fortitude
elaine
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Good, because I told the medical director today I didn't care if I never had another PFT unless there was a good reason--until I get a Cat Scan and other scans. I told her the PCP should give me a reason she was ordering something. If the tumor hasn't grown much as per the Chest xrays then maybe its growing in the airway, and the only tests I would do are tests to find out if that is the case.
elaine
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The only thing I can figure out is that since I wasn't doing treatment, I had trouble getting scans???!!!
I spent a half hour on the phone with the "medical director" of the place, who is not a Dr and seemed more like a person who does damage control to try to find out who billed for a Cat Scan etc. And to find out why her Drs. weren't ordering needed tests.
This was after a half hour with the HMO who said they never said I couldn't have one. My case manager is no longer with them ( --(I wonder why!) but my records showed I was in hospice care--NO WAY! Though they have pushed that since day #1. Oddly enough the caseworker was "with them" last week. The person I talked with today was the only decent person I have ever spoken to there and seemed as appalled as I am at what is going on.
Thurs when I called radiology to make sure that I was going to get the scan Friday, they told me the referral had not gone through and I would have to sign a paper saying I would be responsible for the bill.
They are all supposed to get back to me tomorrow. I have just about had it!
elaine
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Nope, Karen, I doubt you are getting screwed. They do only pay what SSD doesnt pay. The first link I posted explains that.
elaine
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Cool!
I didn't know that chemo cleaned out lots of stuff!! So it does seem like you have the answers then, so that's good! I just don't know, like you don't know, why they are dragging the feet on PCI. I am learning that Drs are a whole different breed, and I don't understand a dang thing about them. I am wondering if some of them have had the human wrung out of them in med school or by some abherrent toilet training, lol. I know there are good ones, but when they are bad, they are very, very bad!!!
WIshing you the best answers in the world!
elaine
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I cant really help much, and thought maybe you should ask this question in the ask an expert forum.
I didn't know that gabepentin worked for bone pain. I thought it was mostly for nerve pain--but maybe the bone marrow pain IS a nerve pain--I dont know.
I do know that I have bone pain AND nerve pain and the gabepentin only works for my nerve pain.
One note: since I have been on it, this last month or so, I have already had to have the dose increased twice. 600 mg is not a high dose, so there is more she could take IF that is the pain med that is appropriate.
I am sorry to hear that your mom is in pain and I wish you all well.
elaine
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Di
Thanks, she admitted she wasn't a Dr and she was adept at *ss covering, so I assumed she is some kind of PR person--like maybe she once worked for the tobacco or asbestos industries, lol.
I still would ask about why the adrenals and liver are now normal. mets to either of these places would cause NO symptoms--in the case of adrenal, no symptoms unless both adrenals are hugeyly involved and liver not unless extensive involvement. Not sure how antibiotics would do anything unless there was infection.
I am not saying you had mets, but I would want to know why there is nothing showing there now and what the reason for that might be. It could very well be that the "reader' failed to mention something that still is there--some benign thing that is still there.
elaine
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I dont want to rain on your parade, but since I have had to become the witch of the year here at my clinic today, I guess I am going to be direct with you too.
Maybe the fact that your adrenal gland has seemed to have responded to chemo, maybe there is a concern that there was at one time cancer there. Now maybe it was enlarged or inflamed for another reason--that is certainly a possibility. I guess if I were you, I would just ask about the adrenal and liver--why have there been changes in the liver and adrenal now that chemo is done--does that indicate that there was cancer there or not and since they can't be sure of that, then what are the odds???
I just got done talking to the medical director of the clinic I go to about my Dr.--so I have a question for you--is it normal for medical directors not to be Drs??? I am wondering if she really IS the medical director or just some PR person they gave me to.
elaine
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So having "communion" at home is good after all, LOL!
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LOL
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U.S. and Cigarette Companies Clash at Racketeering Trial
By MICHAEL JANOFSKY
Published: November 19, 2004
ASHINGTON, Nov. 18 - After nine weeks of testimony but with months to go, the federal judge presiding over the trial of the government's conspiracy suit against the tobacco industry invited lawyers for each side on Thursday to sum up their cases so far.
The exercise was entirely for the benefit of the judge, Gladys Kessler, the sole finder of fact in the nonjury trial. The two 90-minute presentations reflected an enormous gulf with which she will have to deal in deciding whether, as the government charges under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, cigarette companies have engaged in fraud and deceit for half a century to sell their products.
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"We submit that the record before the court at present is sufficient for a finding of RICO liability by these defendants," said Stephen Brody, a Justice Department lawyer.
But David Bernick, one of two lawyers who spoke for the companies, argued that the government's presentation so far lacked focus and "a consistent and sustainable theory of fraud."
"This case,'' he told Judge Kessler, "is in trouble, serious trouble.''
Armed with a slide-show presentation to highlight testimony helpful to his side, Mr. Brody maintained that the government was well on its way toward proving its allegations, reflected in what the Justice Department calls "seven pillars of fraud": that the companies denied the damaging health effects of smoking; promoted what they described as independent research, which they financed; denied that smoking was addictive; denied that cigarette makers manipulated the level of nicotine in their products; promoted cigarettes that were called "less hazardous," against scientific evidence that they were not; marketed to children as young as 12; and suppressed evidence to keep documents out of the public realm and litigation.
Mr. Brody focused mostly on the first two pillars, citing testimony from government witnesses who said the companies had obscured the truth about health effects both in smokers and in people who breathe the smoke of tobacco users.
The industry lawyer, Mr. Bernick - and later his colleague Dan Webb - sought to show that the government was ignoring countervailing testimony from some of the same witnesses it cited. As one example, Mr. Bernick named Dr. Allan M. Brandt, chairman of the history of science department at Harvard.
Dr. Brandt testified, the government had reminded the court, that a research organization financed by the companies had been more interested in showing genetic dispositions, rather than smoking, to be a cause of cancer. But Mr. Bernick pointed to another part of the testimony, in which Dr. Brandt said of the companies, "They wanted good science."
Mr. Webb was especially forceful in challenging the government's effort to show that the companies, portraying evidence on the effects of secondhand smoke as inconclusive, were still trying to deceive the public. He called this accusation the government's "lifeboat to carry across the victory line." Since all sides now agree that there is severe risk in smoking, the government's accusation on secondhand smoke could be essential to meeting a central requirement for relief under RICO: likelihood of future violations.
"What the government is doing is fraud," Mr. Webb said, declaring that the preponderance of evidence on secondhand smoke favored the industry. Then, pointing to a screen on which his own slide showed an Ionic column smashed, he said, "I crumbled that pillar of fraud.''
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As far as taxable or not, it depends on whether you paid your premiums with before tax income or after tax income.
This link gives more information.
http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:uM ... 0target=nw
Pls note: this link is a link to a specific ins company. You would need to contact the company who insures you to find out the length of time you are covered. Some polices run 1 or 2 years while others run until age 65.
But almost all polices require you to also apply for ssdi.
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Are you saying that your mother on her own decided to reduce the dosage? I don't think that is wise especially if she still has brain mets. The steroids are used to decrease swelling in the brain, which could be fatal.
Pls contact your Dr. in the morning. I don't mean to scare you but it isn't clear to me who decreased the dose, your mother or her Dr.
elaine
I should have known, lol.
Get Men to Carve the Turkey and not Watch TV
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
This is for you, John, Bruce and Frank:
http://www.humormatters.com/holidays/Th ... keytan.htm