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Elaine

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Posts posted by Elaine

    Hi. I have stage 4 adenocarcenoma - original site, Lung

    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and what you are going through.

    My husband, too. has sometimes lashed out because of his fear of the future, his frustrations with not being able to prevent what I am going through and his overall anger at the circumstance. Usually, I am not the brunt, but on occasion I have been. Finally, we were able to talk ab out it and he is more aware of why he is doing it. It has nothing to do with me, but is because of the things I mentioned earlier. Maybe your husband would be able to talk to someone and that might help.

    Don Wood on the board might be someone who could also add insight to your situation.

    I don't have any magic words or advice for you. I wish I did. All I know is that if he could understand why he is reacting as he is, he might be able to vent his frustrations in a more healthy way.

    I know this is tremendously hard for you all the way around.

    Also, what kind of tests did they do and how on earth was the cancer missed? What were your symptoms? I ask so that your answer might help someone else on the board as we have many people who come here with symptoms and who worry ab out their dx.

    love and fortitude

    elaine

    Need to be strong? May be sensitive.

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    This is for patients. It's not that I care who reads it or posts, but I don't want to upset anyone. I guess it's really for those of you with ED.

    I had to ask myself why in the heck did I get so upset once again. Besides the reason that might be obvious to some of you, I am sure there was more.

    I know Betty has brought this up sort of, but I don't know if we have ever really talked about it lately.

    It's about this constant need I feel to be strong for others. So one of my ears heard this when someone posted I don't want to hear from patients:

    I "heard": keep on being strong no matter what and don't dare talk about anything that might upset anyone. People already have enough problems, so don't add to it. That's what I heard, not necessarily what was "said."

    Theresa the nurse posted a quote about the fear others have of people who are sick because they can not or are not ready to face their own eventual demise.

    I am not ready to face mine either, but I just keep thinking I better just not say anything. I think part of it is I don't want to face anyone else's pain either. It's all mixed up--my need to be weak at times, my need to say some things, and my "need" to not face things, which means not say anything.

    I am careful never to wince, knowingly, and that is pretty hard to do some days, believe me. I am sure I am doing a horrible job of faking it since I walk like a snail.

    I hate being alone here, but on the other hand, I don't have to pretend if I don't want to. Likewise, when I am around my kids I am in much better spirits, so I do more and feel less badly.

    It's mostly just with my husband. I think we need to talk about some of this, but he is just beside himself with fear and helplessness and maybe I am too. So it feels like a big wal,l and I don't know a way through it. Where IS the door?

    It doesn't help that it may be 2 or more months before I move.

    It was pretty scary being here with no electric for 6 days and nights, no TV or heat-- did have a phone but who wanted to hear me whine.

    I don't do whine very well; hard for some of you to believe it.

    I got some pretty bad news in a most horrible way yesterday. Instead of a Dr telling me I need O2, I get a phone call from some O2 salesman. I guess I should have been able to figure it out myself looking at my PFTs, but stilll...... only one of my values is way low and I didn't know what it meant to begin with.

    I guess I am just not ready for a lot of things. I know O2 isn't the worst thing that can happen, but for me, it is a milestone that means a lot, symbolically.

    Is anything I am saying making a bit of sense?

    I also have read that people who are sick begin to close themselves off from their loved ones. I have done that some already, and I don't want to do it anymore. I really don't.

    I know my own mom did that when she was sick, and I was just a kid. It was awful.

    I also see where people lash out at their loved ones. I don't want to do that either. I would hate myself or hate for that to be memories floating around in my kids' heads.

    I cant tell you how many other fears I have, and I guess these few are enough for now.

    All I know is that I feel like I am walking around in a foreign land ,and someone keeps chainging the "rules" so I am sure I am going to mess up bad, so I am very careful.

    I guess I do my messing up here, instead.

    I guess counseling is an option or worse hospice. I don't mean to offend, but I just can't see doing hospice or counseling without my family around.

    elaine

    work

    in HOPE

    Posted

    I dont get jealous often, but this one ...... :D

    Nah, I am happy as heck about this and about lots of other things that seem to be heading in the right direction for you.

    It is your year, I think.

    I am so excited for you and hope you continue to work your buns off.

    Literally and figureatively. I got a lot of bun to work off, so that is mostly why I am jealous.

    But like I have told you before-- I loved to work. I didn't much care about the paycheck. I did things I would gladly do for free. I was lucky that way and so are you.

    elaine

    Falling Apart - Mental Case?

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I hate to break it to you, but I have this feeling that you are going to be hyper sensitive for maybe a long, long time.

    I think that is probably a good thing on one hand, you know? It's called self-preservation.

    The mind is a wonderful thing, and so is the imagination....but on the other hand, it can wreck havoc with everyday aches and pains.

    I just wish like heck you and no one in this whole universe had to deal with it. But like the others who posted before me have said--do it they do.

    My best to you.

    love and fortitude

    elaine

    something strange

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Rick,

    Could you keep deleting threads from the database continuously until it really IS 1969?????

    Figure out a way to do it for just those usernames who want it, okay?

    Put us in a little pixel pen and delete away until I am .......in 9th grade. That was the year I walked in on my civics teacher giving his lover a goodbye kiss.

    I had no clue what to do, and it was a REAL kiss. I kept his secret, but I don't think he thought I would.

    But I think by Jan 1969 that was all over. I could skip that experience and move on to the first real boyfriend who I now know better than to go out with. But I would probably do it anyway--unless there is a way to change the shape of the 1969 pixels....

    But most of the pixels, I like.

    elaine

    Happy Birthday SDianneB!!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Justa

    I kinda doubt she shares the burger, but I bet if you asked REAL nice she might share the buger.

    I mean, how hard could THAT be to swallow??? Yech . Might make you glad though that you can't eat, though? Huh?

    What Works for You? (Ripping off Lisa O)

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Ry

    This is the one of the best posts ever! Thank you.

    I haven't gotten My answer to work every day though. But I am working on it.

    I was a workaholic before this DX. It really hurt to not have that to pour my heart and soul into, and pour I did.

    I guess I was a postaholic for awhile, lol. It took me a long time to get my ability to concentrate back, and until then I couldn't do the writing I wanted. Heck, I Couldn't even watch a movie, really.

    I was without electicity for 6 freezing cold days and nights last week.

    For two of those days, I actually had partial power, but no heat or stove etc. So I watched like 8 movies and was really enjoying it and then a ton of sparks began flying on my wires and POOF no electic at all.

    Then when it finally came on Sunday night, my cable is out. Go figure. Then I lost power again. This afternoon I have both.

    Wonder how long it will last?

    Anyway, the best for me is being with my kids and doing normal things. It just hasn't felt all that normal since Dx.

    Kids are too far away, but knowing they have good lives is something I cherish. Not perfect lives, but very nice ones.

    elaine

    Dang, can I have the brickfireplace, pls? I miss mine.

    elaine

    First follow-up CT

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    All sorts of shapes and sizes of prayers and good luck charms and just plain old best wishes are heading your way, from me and from loads of folks.

    I can feel the results shaping up nicely as I write this In your lungs will be the letters NED written in ink only you can see.

    That NED has to be careful you know--I mean he DOES live with a lot of ladies we all know and love!.

    love and fortitude

    elaine

    Happy Birthday SDianneB!!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Don't let Lisa O and Hebbie here about your plans. You may have hair follicles of steel, but they have resolve of steel, lol.

    In your honor, I will head out to DQ for a bananna split and then I will head over to Backyard Burger (you guys have that place??) for one of the best dang burgers NOT made in MY backyard.

    Anyone who lives close to that chain, I urge you to indulge! In honor of Di, of course.

    Happy Birthday, I think you earned this one and the next 50, royally!!!

    elaine

    Quickly checking in......

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Thanks for checking in! Wish the New Year's cocktail was something other than chemo, but I hope your dad was able to wash it down with a toast to better days ahead! All of you for that matter.

    And here's to cough free and restful nights, too.

    love you all and lots of fortitude.

    elaine

    Looking for answers.

    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    Miche,

    Pain is an unlikely early symptom of lc. Pain that is effected by heat or massage is definately not a likely early symptom. The pluera could not be massaged, if that makes sense. Sounds like muscle pain.

    An MRI of the shoulder area, as Don suggested might be something for your Dr to consider.

    Also I think that if you could find a Dr that you could trust, you might feel better about things.

    I hope you find an answer, but sometimes answers are not found and it is not an easy thing to deal with: the unknown.

    My best to you,

    elaine

    Are there any Hospice Nurses on this site?

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I found this:

    LACRIMA MORTIS: THE TEAR OF DEATH

    It must be a heart-wrenching experience to see a single tear roll down the cheek of a person at the moment of his or her death. I. Lichter, medical director of the Te Omanga Hospice, in New Zealand, wondered how often this phenomenon occurred and why. Working with the Hospice nursing staff, Lichter followed 100 patients nearing death.

    "The results showed 14 patients shed a final tear at the time of death, and a further 13 within the last 10 hours of life.

    "In 21 of the 27 cases, the dying person was unconscious at the time of the last tear. And in all but one case the tear was shed by patients whose death was expected rather than sudden."

    Lichter and colleagues wondered if the death-bed tears were emotional in origin or perhaps caused by a reflex action. Notes made by the nursing staff were inconclusive on this matter. Lichter thought of chemically analyzing some of the last tears, because emotional tears have a different chemical composition from those produced by irritation. Unfortunately, a single tear was insufficent for the analysis.

    (Morrison, Alastair; "The Mystery of the Death-Bed Tear," Wellington Dominion, August 11, 1993. Cr. P. Hassall)

    From Science Frontiers #94, JUL-AUG 1994. © 1994-2000 William R. Corliss

    Dealing with People's Questions/Comments/Silence

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Thank you all for these astute posts. It's also so good to hear from you Melanie. I had been thinking of you and I am glad to see you post.

    Thank you Thereas for that Gilman quote. I see that so much on the faces of people.

    Supposedly we are the only "beings" who are aware that we will die. (Maybe not.) But even though we have that awareness, we really can't imagine not existing, really--as our point of reference is this world.

    I am reminded of a maze created with shrubery in New Harmony, Indiana. Once I had had a little too much to drink and decided to walk the maze.

    It was a moonless night. I was with several friends but for some reason, as we walked the maze, we all kept silent. We walked with our hands--and it was frightening to be "lost" even though we all knew that we certainly weren't "lost." Sheesh, if nothing else, the sun was surely going to rise.

    We had no point of reference. I am sure all of us have had an experience somewhat like this.

    I think of this experience now, very often. It explains the way I feel and the way others must feel confronted with my illness-even though we come at the "experience" from a totally different anlge--my illness and the illnesses of the "other" catch us walking (stumbling) in the dark, with our hands.

    elaine

    Just thoughts

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Kim and Paddy

    I was away for the holidays and am trying to catch up. These were two beautiful posts. Thank you so much.

    Those of us who are ill so depend on hearing how those of you who have been left here garner the strength to find life's blessings in each day.

    You both painted such vivid pictures. I ache for you, having lost my parents, and having lived many years alone. But the one thing that you remind me of is that love never leaves. It may change form, but it is not dependent on anything but the love itself.

    elaine

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