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re-making connections


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I'm having a hard time lately with the loss of my mother. My world was quite a bit more extended with my mother around because she always filled me in on the details of those she was in touch with- my aunts, my grandma and even her friends. It's hard not to hear that news. And harder still knowing that it is up to me to make and keep those connections, if that is what I want.

Its such a strange feeling to have lost all those connections, to grieve for them, and know that most of the people are not ones I will continue to contact. And for the ones I do feel I need to remake that connection, it's strange to contemplate the how. Long distance phone calls? How often? emails? pictures? weekly chats?

otherwise, things are ok for me. Getting by mostly is how I feel.


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I've been coping with a similar problem like yours. Last September, my grandfather passed away. That also happened to be the same time that I got to meet his siblings for the first time. For many years, the four of them had discomfort and a silence. They did not talked for years after their mom passed away. I was aware of him having family before, but it was a bit more shocking when I got to meet them face to face.

His two brothers and sister showed up at his viewing and funeral. Many of us were surprised, but they deeply regretted for not staying in contact with him and the family. Even though I did not know them at all from the start, they did express some interest in meeting with his daughters (my mom and aunt) and also me. I decided to keep in contact with them ever since, and we have had many conversations where we tell one another what he was like in the younger or older years.

What I can suggest to you is take the process in steps. First, just try to make contact with your fellow relatives. See where it goes from there. I am sure they would appreciate a phone call from you, because I bet some of them are feeling the same way as you. If they do ask to keep in touch, go on and do it. You can figure out what method you like better, with e-mail or whatnot.

Once again, I am sorry to hear about your mother and I do wish the best of luck to you with this.

Best of wishes,


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Good you are putting effort into thinking about this.

Family is so important. Even distant family and friends. In our society today we are so lost and mixed up with transient distances. This is an opportunity presenting itself for you to grasp and enrich your life and those around your Mom. They are probably just waiting to hear from you. The love for my best friends extends automatically to their children; especially the daughters.

Go for it! You will figure it out and do what is right in each situation.

Cindi o'h

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This is a difficult thing to deal with. For 26 years, I felt as much a part of my extended family as Dennis was. I have very little communication now with my in-laws (their choice) and I feel so lost at times, as we were very close for so many years. My sons still visit the grandparents and let me know how things are from time to time. I feel that I not only lost my husband but also my extended family.

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