the year is approaching

[stephnewyork34]

Hi friends,

I am just wondering, how do I do this? On the 27th (Easter) it will be a year since Mom passed and all this week I have been a mess and it is getting worse. It is unbearable to be a wake because I am so sad, and it is worse to be a sleep. This pain is so much that I can't breathe. Also I am moving to AZ, that is where she is from, it is her home, and the only job I could get is there, so I am so afraid of it. Does that make sense? Anyhow, I just don't know how I will get through this weekend. Also I am in Denmark still, and the entire studio is going away for like a week, so it makes it doubly hard.

Sad,

[kimblanchard]

The anniversary of Becky passing will be Monday, and I have missed her so much more than usual - if usual even makes sense on this journey - in the last week or so. I am going to give in to the waves for now, and just trust that in a couple of weeks when my head rises above the grief again I will be able to catch up on schoolwork.

Curtis

[stephnewyork34]

Hi there,

I was just going to reply to your post. It is really hard isn't it? It is also coming in waves for me. I am working a lot of hours so that helps to get my mind on other things, just so hard.

hugs to you and thanks for your reply.

[Andrea B.]

Hi Stephanie,

I know how you feel...my mom passed away last year on Easter (April 11). This year Easter is on March 27 and I feel like there are two days this year marking her death. I too have had more anxiety and sadness in the past two weeks that in the past few months. I find myself still not believing she is gone. I too try to except this being part of the grief process, I try to allow myself all of these feelings and hope that the next day might be better. It has to be hard for you being so far away too. Hugs to you and know you aren't alone.

[kimblanchard]

hi dear stephanie

when i get sad, i try to feel sad and not fight it.

usually.

sometimes though it becomes overwhelming and i feel like i'm going to explode, it's all too much.

what im learning is to be sad when i'm sad, happy when i'm happy, and be in my feelings. that way i wont have the other problem of pushing away my sadness and the tension that that creates.i hope that makes sense...

it does HURT to be in pain. but i do believe there is no way around it, only through it... and it takes some courage to feel such pain, i know.

i'm so sorry for your pain. With you in deepest sympathy,

Lori

[kimblanchard]

hi dear stephanie

when i get sad, i try to feel sad and not fight it.

usually.

sometimes though it becomes overwhelming and i feel like i'm going to explode, it's all too much.

what im learning is to be sad when i'm sad, happy when i'm happy, and be in my feelings. that way i wont have the other problem of pushing away my sadness and the tension that that creates.i hope that makes sense...

it does HURT to be in pain. but i do believe there is no way around it, only through it... and it takes some courage to feel such pain, i know.

i'm so sorry for your pain. With you in deepest sympathy,

Lori

[enyaw061032]

Hi, dear Stephanie:

I am so sorry about your grief. It has always been said that there is no greater sorrow than a mother losing a child or a child losing their mother. Now it doesn't matter how old the child is or how old the mother is; the grief knows no age limit.

I know the pain you are going through. Only time will ease the pain you feel right now. What you need to do is let your heart mourn as you need to do, and cry as you need to and be sad when you need to. If you have pictures of your Mom, look at them and talk to her; if you have a video of her where you can see her and hear her, do so; talk to her. Only by talking to your Mom (she will hear you--her cancer-eaten body died but her soul lives on). When you talk to her enough you will finally find peace. I know.......I lost my own Mom.

Barb

[Cindy RN]

I know that pain of losing my mom to lung ca. Mine died of nsclc on July 5, 1994. It has been hard, esp. at the beginning. I have gotten thru it by remembering that she has just gone on and I have not seen her for awhile. Some day I will SEE her again.

God be with you.

Cindy

[LindaMRG]

Stephanie,

By now you have passed the anniversary, I know how hard it mustve been. My dad's was March 17. Some days its still unbelievable that he is not here. Some days it hits me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I will never forget your mother because she was the first one to welcome me here as she and my father had the "rare" lung cancer - adenosquamous. I wonder if they know each other now!

Linda