one year ago tonight

[Madison70]

Hi everyone,

I lost my Mom one year ago tonight. Next to my husband she was my best friend.

She was taken from us very quickly. She had fought the cancer for a year and a half. We don't think it was the actual cancer that took her we are pretty sure her heart just gave out. I luckily got to spend that last day of her life with her. I took her to the doctor and we came home and I had lunch with her and my father. Little did I know that when I left Dad would call me 2 hours later and tell me that she had passed away at home suddenly.

She had a reoccurence a few months before and I knew things didn't look good. I think I was the only one in the family that really understood that she didn't have much time left. And even I was surprised that it came as soon as it did.

It is strange to grieve so hard for someone but still be glad that they are no longer suffering. My mother never had to spend a night in the hospital since she was diagosed. But I knew that day was coming soon and my Mom was terrified of hospitals. So the fact that she went never having to experience any of that made me very grateful.

Our lives will never be the same and I feel so cheated out of a Mom. No one ever loves you the way a Mom does. And since she left us so suddenly I never got the chance to talk with her about how we were supposed to go on without her. I felt for sure that she would have left a letter or something behind but she didn't. I wanted her to tell me how to deal with her death.

I didn't visit her grave today because I just couldn't. I hope she understands that.

I just wanted to post this in honor of my Mom. I want her to know that I will never stop missing her.

Love you Mom,

Madison

[ginnyde]

Madison, as a Mother I hope my children deal with my death by remembering me and how much I loved them. I am sure your Mother would be honored by your beautiful post.

[Patkid]

Ginny expressed my thoughts perfectly.

We honor your mother as well and are glad for your peaceful and treasured memories.

Pat and Brian

[ma's kid]

Madison, you honor her beautifully...gentle hugs

Libby

[Miami Janet]

Hi Madison,

I agree with you ...no one will ever love us like our Moms did. I also cant imagine the rest of my life without my Mom. I dont think there is any way to deal with their passing...I hope that time makes it less painful for us and that we can better remember the good times and not the cancer times. Janet

[Donna]

Hi Madison,

I fully understand your pain, I lost my dear brother Mark,1 month ago today..Our love and hearts are with them, and this they know..I will keep you in my prayers..

Hugs,

Donna

[bronbear]

Madison,

I just wanted to post and tell you how moved I was by your post and how much I related to it. My dad died on October 4 and I can completely relate to how you feel about grieving so deeply, yet being glad that the suffering is over. My dad suffered a lot his last few months. He developed double pneumonia and nobody expected him to recover from that, but he did. Then he went on to rehab to build up his strength and in the end, a massive septic infection killed him, not the actual cancer. I felt like he was going to beat that infection as well and didn't say a final goodbye because I couldn't bear to. I told him how much I loved him like I did everytime I left his room, but I had no idea that would be his last day. How I wish he had left some words of wisdom behind - a letter in case he didn't beat the cancer - anything that could help me and my mom deal with the deep loss we feel. I feel your suffering and I wanted you to know that you are in my prayers. God bless you.