I just can't.....

[Joseppie]

I'm sorry everyone, I don't mean to intrude. I joined this site and have read many posts to try and cope with the loss of my best friend Mark. I posted on this site a couple weeks ago, and only posted on the newcomers group. I'm just having a really difficult time. Mark was my best friend, he was like a brother to me. He watched out for me, he taught me so much, he made me a better person. With his class and his style, he made me a better person. He was the greatest influence on me. I don't mean to say "was" either, because he still "is". I know it's probably because of the season it is right now, but, I have felt this way since he passed away back in November. He was my right arm, I could call him and talk to him, and go see him if I needed anything. A couple months ago, he was there for me, while I was going through a difficult time. I've been diabetic for over 22 years. I was having trouble with my eyesight due to it. The past couple months, I've had differing opinions, and I thought everything was going well.

It's still alright, but, in September, I went back to the eye doctor, and I didn't get a good prognosis. Don't feel sorry for me, I just wanted to tell you, that, through all that Mark was going through at the time, he made it a point to look out for me, and help me. This is the kind of person that Mark was. He is truly special. And it breaks my heart that this happened to him. Like everyone else here, it truly is heart-wrenching to hear the stories of the trials and tribulations of the people here on this website.

Either it being the people going through treatment, the people lost, or the care givers who share in the pain of their loved ones. My heart goes out to each and every one of you! I've lost a fair amount of people in my family and friends to cancer. It is truly a disgusting disease. I recently lost my great aunt to cancer about 2 weeks ago. A month after I lost my best friend in the whole world. I've lost a grandmother, a cousin, and many other people too. My father, after a 6 month clean bill of health, has recently started chemo again for 6 weeks. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a year and a half ago.

I don't mean to make this sound like a pity party for me, because I'm not like that. I just really can't deal with losing Mark! My life will never be the same without him! I really feel that I can't go on. Venting to each other about our work days, meeting for dinner to just hang out. Like my subject says, I just can't.

Thank you for listening!!!!!!!! And thank you all for being there for Mark and his sister Donna! I know you all have helped and prayed for Mark and Donna and his family! I thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Sorry this was a novel! I just needed someone to talk to!

[J.C.]

Joseppie,

You do not intrude, you hurt and you are grieving

for the loss of your friend Mark.

We are here to listen and try if we can to help

you during this time.

Just think if you can of what he is doing and

in hiw own way he may be trying to help you by

making you write in this forum.

This time of the year and special anniversaries

are very hard to go through without those special friend we make in life.

Hope you will come back and let us try to help.

Hugs

Jackie

[lilyjohn]

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. It is never easy losing someone that you love wether it is a best friend or a member of your family. We tend to think it will get easier the next time but it never does.

I can't offer you much advice all I can say is that you should trust in God and the good feelings that you have for Mark. You should talk to Donna too. She is having a hard time with his death as well. She has become a dear friend to many of us here and I'm sure that she and you have much to talk about sense he means so much to both of you. I will be praying that you find some peace and that you do not have to go through the loss of another loved one so soon. Lillian

[Donna]

My dear Joe,please give me a call..I am sitting here reading all the messages and I came accross yours..I am so glad to see you here, these guys are THE BEST..I could never have done it without all of them..Maybe posting here will help you, rather than talking to me who is just as sad as you..Every one has different thoughts on how we can feel better..I am always here for you, I hope you know that..

Love you...

Donna

[Maryanne]

Hi Joseppie,

I am so sorry for your loss. Donna has told us so much about Mark. He was such a wonderful young man. He is missed by so many people and he certainly has touch the lives of many.

I feel bad that you are feeling so bad. You just have to believe that one day you will feel better and will be able to cope. It really has not been that long since his passing.

Keep Mark alive in a special place in your heart where he will live on through all those wonderful memeories you both shared together.

Please know that even though Mark left his diseased body behind, his soul lives on and I know reading from the posts about Mark that he is the kind of person that would not want his love ones to grieve and suffer so much from his passing.

Give yourself sometime to heal. We are here for you 24/7.

Maryanne

[nancy c]

Joe, I am very sorry for your loss, as for Donna also. Donna has emailed before..we have losing a brother in common..what a terrible common ground.

It is so hard to lose someone we love so dearly. Everyday takes strenght and courage to face it. I have no words of wisdom. But I will keep you in my prayers and I wish you peace and comfort. Do talk to Donna. She is hurting too, and anyone that loved our brothers, we love also. God bless you, Nancy C

[Leslie221]

Glad you came back to share. Hope it helped relieve a little unhappiness. No way not to feel pain about all you've lost. Please lean on us whenever you need to.

Sending caring thoughts and strength,

Leslie

[bunny]

I just really can't deal with losing Mark! My life will never be the same without him! I really feel that I can't go on.

you ARE dealing with it, and you are going on. and we thank you for sharing it with us, I can only hope you get a bit of support here. you're right - your life will never be the same, but you will get through this, honey.

xoxo

amie

[Joseppie]

Thank you all very much for your care, concern, and support! It means so much to me! I know what Mark would want me to do, I just can't do it. He was a brother to me and I just can't imagine my life without him being here. Besides the hurt of losing someone close, it hurts just the same, that I'm not able to do what he would want me to do. Like everyone here who has lost someone very dear to them, I feel like I'm dying inside. I've even asked God, to have mercy on me and take me, so I don't have to feel this pain anymore. I know this is very selfish and I don't mean to be that way. But, that's just how I feel. I know I can be honest with all of you and I thank you very much for that! I hate "dealing" with this. I hate going to work and putting on a face like I'm okay. I'm doing it for Mark's sake, but that's about it.

Usually, I'm not like this and try to deal with things on my own, but I've never lost someone so close to me. For the people who know Donna, I have talked to her. She called me recently and we talked for awhile. It was great to hear her voice. She's like a sister to me. Anyway, I just wanted to respond to all of you who responded to my post and say "thank you" from all of my heart. Thank you for listening again! All my love and support goes out to everyone on this website! You are all angels sent from Heaven!

[Donna]

Joe..You know I love you from the bottom of my heart!!God took Mark, but I am still here for you..

We will get through this together..

Donna

[Donna]

God knows your needs, and no matter where you are, He is with you, hearing your prayers and working on your behalf. When your circumstances start to bring you down... look up!