Jump to content

Question....


Guest FiremansWife96

Recommended Posts

Guest FiremansWife96

Hi all, I'm new, my intro is in that section...My dad was diagnosed w/non small cell (large cell carcinoma) in April 2006. He smoked since his teens, but hasn't smoked since the diagnosis.

Here's my issue - my husband, who is almost 39, has also been a smoker since his teens (I am not a smoker). My dad's diagnosis finally got him to quit. And while I am thrilled about this, HE feels like I'm not supporting him enough. I have told him I am thrilled - for him, for us, for our 5 yr old son's sake, for his health, etc. Apparently, thats not enough. I don't know what to do....In addition to dealing with my dad (and the house, my son, work, etc), I also have my husbands issues - hes done really well, occasionally feeling edgy & occasionally having urges (as a side note - he tried that laser treatment to stop) - but I'm really at my wits end. I too, am edgy & a little cranky with all thats going on, and feel like its okay for him to be that way, but not me....

So, if anyone has been in a similar situation w/a spouse or sibling or friend who quit after someone else was diagnosed, I'd appreciate any insight you may have.

Thanks,

Karin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think being on edge is just going to be part of this for awhile. All you can do is let him know how proud you are of him, and how much it means to you.

When my husband quit he figured out how much money he was saving on cigarettes and decided to spend the money on something just for him. He bought a used speedboat with what he saved on smoking. Is there is something you could suggest he buy himself as a reward for quitting?

Good luck and hang in there.

Rochelle

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quitting is the toughest thing for a smoker to do. It took me a good 120 days before I even felt normal. My husband's lung cancer pushed me out of the closet as a smoker and into non-smoking status.

Has your husband visited quitnet.com? It's a GREAT website with people who celebrate every single little anniversary with you and who congratulate you constantly for the daily struggle to stay smoke-free. Tell him to check it out. That might help.

In the meantime, I hope you find lots of time for yourself so that you can assist and spend time with your loved one with cancer.

Melinda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think some people go thru a type of depression along with the withdrawls of the addiction.

I know I did. I was cranky and felt like I was always "missing" something. There wasn't anything that made me "really" happy. It took 15 years for me to perfect my habit, so I knew that it was going to take a long while for me to feel "normal" again. I really missed my habit.

Welbutrin (Zyban) helped me alot with cravings and also it is an anti-anxiety and mild anti-depressant so it helped that way too.

Try to get your husband focused on why he quit to begin with and all the benefits of that, get him into some hobbies to keep his hands and mind busy, (I taught myself to crochet and I began making jewelry for an entire year) and try to exercise some patience with each other. None of this is easy for either of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WE quit as soon as we walked out of the Surgeons door after being told Deb had LC. tried for at least 3 years prior to that. I know how hard it is to quit. We tried switching to Lights and menthols thinking the taste would make us quit. didn't happen at all. I can tell you the first week or so is probably the hardest when you quit your body starts to repair irselgf almost immediately. Your life expectancy goes up and your risk for other diseases starts to drop. Your lungs and heart will start to recover from all the years of smoking.and you wwill start saving money. Do you realize the cost of a pack of smokes? Multiply it out per year and you will be amazed. Hope this helped along with everyone elses advice and thoughts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Karin,

Everyone is different with quitting but it will take time and he will eventually accept the fact that one of his "friends" is gone for good. His mood will soften and life will be the way it was. It is just so darn(puttin it mildy) hard for some people.

Hang in there. I know you feel like you are being dumped on that is because he is the closest to you. It will get better just give it some time.

It's probably harder as a person really has to have the determination that they want to quit. Too him maybe he just had his back against the wall and he is bitter.

Sorry for what you are going through with all of this escpcially with your dad and you feel you do not need this added burden with your husband. But this is the best thing for him.

Keep encouraging him, tell him how proud you are. You may even want to make him some special munchies to help curve his cravings.

There are some web sites he can go to and also smokers annonamous that could help him cope.

We are here for you to vent at any time.

Maryanne :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since my dad's diagnosis my sister, sister-in-law, and prior to my dad's diagnosis my brother have quit. It has been a difficult road. This is an addiction that I have never had, thank goodness, and therefore one I don't understand. However, it seems to me like for the quitter, it was their life, their best friend, and they are giving that up. I have found with the others that they needed new best friends. The focus of their life (though subconscious) is gone, and they need it replaced. I would do something special for him every day. Ask him how he feels, leave him notes, buy him inexpensive gifts, and make it a focus for a while...especially as it is so difficult.

Of course, I don't know enough about this, but I can say these things have happened around here. My sister-in-law says she needed us by her side to replace the cigarette. She is pretty open about it, and that makes it easier. Plus...we all know men... :? we always have to read their minds anyway right!! haha!

Good luck to you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hard candies help. (try to get ones made with nutrasweet) My brother quit smoking by sucking on fishermans friends lozanges. YUCK!

He should also try top avoid things that he associated with smoking. ie) sitting down with a coffee, going to a bar that type of thing. you might ask him to go for a walk with you instead.

Remember that the cravings only last for 30 seconds at a time. so get through that 30 seconds and take them as they come. It has been 16 years since I quit so I can't remember much more than that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest FiremansWife96

Hi! Thanks for all your great suggestions!! As it turns out, my husband is doing well. He has urges & gets a little edgy from time to time, but hes working out more, which makes him feel better. He has also found these "chewing sticks" which are sort of like toothpicks, but they're flavored with either tea tree oil or cinnamon, and those help too.

I think us discussing it helps too...so, its going to be a rough road, but it'll all work out!

Karin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.