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Boy I hate this


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Grieving is horrible. There is no easy way around it. You just have to go through it. I hate it. I don't like feeling pain, hurt, sadness....I want to skip over this part and just move on with life.

But it doesn't work that way.

Sometimes I cry out to the emptiness...."Michael - are you there?" only to be answered by silence.

It's never long enough - the time we have with loved ones. I remember when my grandma died. She was 97 years old. I couldn't keep her here forever...I knew that...but I loved her and I didn't want her to leave.

I remember crying everytime I thought of her....but with time....the tears came less frequent. The pain subsided and the wound healed over. There is a scar...but it's healed.

Will this ever happen with my feelings about and for Mike? Sometimes I wonder. I know I will miss him every day the rest of my life.

John Denver had a song that went something like this ' You are the rest of my life - the best of my life'. I can relate. Mike was the best of my life...from sixteen to fifty one - he had the BEST years of my life. The best years of my life will always be the years I shared with Michael.

Now - I have to make a new life...a new way - I'm doing my best....but it's hard...I don't want to forget him...but I don't want to make virtual or imagined "shrines" to him either.

Picking my way gingerly through this road we call grief......

I remain....Mrs Mike.

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My heart really goes out to you. I know what you are feeling and sometimes I too call out Dennis's name in hope that somehow, some way he will answer. Dennis and I were together for 26 years and together built a lifetime of memories. It's just so very hard to go on alone when you have had so many years of togetherness. I'm keeping you in my prayers. I can definitely relate, so if you ever need a sounding board, I'm just a mouse click away. Hang in there!!!!

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I really admired you, watching you go through this struggle with Mike and how strong you were and strong for him. I want to be this good for Dave. I want you to know that - there is always something good out of bad experiences, and you have been such a good example to folks like me.

I can't imagine how LONELY you are, even with all the friends and family you have to do things with, you still must be lonely. When I think of the possibility of losing Dave I think how lonely I'll be (even though I complain he never talks to me, but that's not what it's all about). So please know that in a weird, imagined way, I can see a little of how you feel, only because I fear feeling it myself.

I must tell you that I have lost three 1st cousins - all young - 38 to 48 years old - in the last three years. One cousin, Tom, was 48 and died suddenly while jogging 3 years ago labor day weekend (very healthy guy, too). He and his wife had been together since meeting in high school, had two grown daughters, and were very tight, the perfect, close couple. But a year or so ago Gail met a guy - a really decent, wonderful man, and they got married this past spring. Even though she is my cousin-in-law she is still family to us, and everyone is so happy that she found someone to hopefully spend the rest of her life with. Gail misses Tom and still loves him, but now she's not lonely and has someone to love her in that special way again.

I'm not saying I think you should starting looking for a new husband or anything, just wanted to share a similiar story - you remind me alot of Gail - she didn't re-marry because she is weak and needy, but because she is strong and sure in her everlasting love for my cousin.

Take care and God Bless, (and take comfort in knowing Mike is with Christ now)

Karen C.

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Shannon, we are all here for you. Lately i have been extremely bad. I think after a few months the "well at least they are not suffering" thoughts go away and all you want is that person back.

I have had some pretty weird dreams. it was of the 3 people i knew who passed away close to me. they were all there talking to me and it was weird i woke up and thought am I alive? or am I dead? did some pile of poo fall frm an airplane and into my bedroom and killed me and I have no clue it happened? hey i love on top of logan so it could happen. weird stuff. I think about having a day with him where we can just hang? I mean honestly why is that too much to ask? :shock: I know but that is what kills me. you think your going to be fine but then you actually stop and think they really are not here anymore....tough to bear. shannon i am here for you anything!!!!!! :D

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I stopped to read your post because My favorite book growing up was Mrs. Mike.

I lost my husband 2 weeks short of our 35th anniv. Then two weeks later we had to pull the plug on my brother. He was in a coma due to an overdose of drugs that he took the night before my husbands funeral. At the funeral, I was sure I saw him. who knows maybe I did. Another poster talked about dreams. None for me. Even though I pray for one, nothing.

Anyway I just wanted to say, I know how you feel and I will say a prayer for you if you'll say one for me..


Danny only had cancer for 10 months. He was up walking around, up til the moment he passed. [/b]

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I choose that "handle" Mrs Mike because that book was one of my favorites too. My mom had a copy of the book and read it to me when I was a young girl. (We used to read out loud to each other because my dad worked nights....great memory of time spent together with mom).

I'm sorry to hear about Danny. Mike lived 18 months after finding out the diagnosis. That was about 12 months longer than ANYONE expected him to live. Every month - every day was a great blessing.

You can rest assured I'll say a prayer for you! Prayers are what can see us through.

There is a song I've recently heard....It's called Help Somebody Cry.

It starts out ....."someone you care about, has a broken heart....You want to help them, but you don't know where to start."

It then goes into "Help somebody cry - help them through the tears - God will use your life to show that He is near. "

There is a bridge in the sound that says something to the effect - you won't have words to make it better but you can hold somebody's hand and PRAY them through the doubts.

That's what my friends and family are doing for me. It's a wonderful feeling knowing so many are praying.

I'll be praying for you.


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Shannon -

Glad to see you!

You're all making me cry tonight!

I remember reading post-by-post, day-by-day of all your trials with Mike and his doctors - and how strong you always were.

And you're STILL showing that strength!

Hang in there Lady - I know there's NOTHING you can't do.

Hugs and prayers,


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