Lee-Anne Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 Hello, I posted this in late stage too My father has been very weak lately and he was to go for his first chemo treatment yesterday. The doctor said there was no way he could have chemo since he is so weak and informed him that he has a spot on his liver and adrenal gland. Dad has decided that he is palliative and said he will never take chemo since the docs say there is no option for recovery and that he will only feel terrible in the meantime if he takes it. Dad was terribly tired and weak yesterday but seems firm in his decision today and almost cross with me. I don''t think he means to be but he doesn't seem like himself. I am still looking for options for him should he ever have a change of heart so that everything is set up for him. I guess I don't really have a question here but maybe if anyone has experience these feelings before or has taken care of someone who has they could let me know. thanks so much Lee-Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 LeeAnne, I am so sorry about your dad. It is so sad when someone is sick, as he is, and if he has lost hope-it makes it even sadder. Maybe you could print some of the positive stories that are posted on this site. As far as the mets to liver and adrenal gland, have you looked into Radiofrequency Ablation? There are several posts on this board about it, and if you go on the web and contact a facility that administers this very non-invasive procedure, they may be able to tell you if your dad would possibly be a candidate. I can understand why your dad is so negative, it is difficult enough when you don't feel well, but when the doctors give you no hope of ever FEELING better-let alone GETTING better, well, who wouldn't be ready to give up. Then again, there are those who say F*#* That, and tell the doctors F*%# you. As did a friend of my sisters. Diagnosed over 6 years ago with terminal Ovarian cancer and told she had only 3 months left to live-she got mad and said to the doctors face "F*%# YOU, this is MY LIFE, and who the He** are YOU to tell me that it is over." she then proceeded to get a second opinion and found a doctor that would fight WITH her to prove those others wrong. I would say a second opinion is in order. Ones mental state, which can be very definatly affected by a doctor and how positive/negative they are, have ALOT to do with how they handle an illness like cancer. Think about it. I remember my psychology teacher telling us about a report that was written in medical books about this guy that was going through the whole hazing thing to get into a college frat. Anyway, hell night arrived and the Frat boys started a bon-fire and got this branding iron-in front of the soon to be inductees-and placed it in the fire to get it RED HOT. They then instructed the inductees to turn around and expose their rears. They were then blindfolded. However, instead of using the branding iron (which was just to scare the poor kids that were about to be accepted into the frat), the frat guys got an ice cube and placed it on the rear of one of the kids. Do you know what happened? The POWER OF SUGGESTION, my friend. The kid ended up with a third degree burn because in his mind he was being branded with the red hot branding iron, not a melting ice cube. My point, and I do have one, is that the mind is a powerful thing. If you could get your dad a second opinion, and a doctor that would be more positive in his/her approach, it could (and I think will)make a world of difference. Good luck. Positive thoughts and prayers your way. Take care, and keep us posted. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlon Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 Amen Debaroo! From the beginning my attitude towards the docs was always F--- YOU, you don't know S---. And it rubbed off on my mom when she started getting better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David P Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 Hey Lee-Anne. Hang in there. I've heard many people on the message board speak of this process as being on a roller coaster. Usually, the down side to a coaster is fairly short and swift, but on the "roller coaster called life", the downs seem to be a little longer. You guys are due for an upswing any time now... wait... get ready... here it comes... David P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 Lee Anne, I would wonder why your dad is so tired before treatment. Does he have an infection or is his blood count low? If any of that is true, it should be corrected before he even considers treatment. I hope and pray it all works out for the best. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee-Anne Posted March 21, 2003 Author Share Posted March 21, 2003 Thanks everyone, I wish Dad had kept his screw you guys attitute that we developed for a while. It just seems that he has never had a break. Not one. Our GP misread the original Xray, the internist he insisted on seeing after getting no help from the GP said that something was wrong but it wasn't emphysema, cancer or heart disease except 2 weeks later after a VQ scan he was told it was most likely lung cancer. After travelling to have a biopsy via bronchoscope, Dad was admitted and a chest tube was inserted to drain the effusion that had developed after his lung had collapsed. Fluid was malignant. No surgery possible. Stayed in hospital for 2 weeks. Had palliative radiation treatment, lost 30 pounds, chest tube remained in for 7 weeks, doctors admitted it should never have been in that long after Dad travelled to hospital by ambulance due to severe pain caused by tube, found a staph infection and infectious disease team decided it was not a strain that required antibiotics, pulled the tube and sent Dad home. Monday was a good day. Appointment to have chemo on Wed March 19th. Blood work good enough for chemo. Denied chemo due to physical weakness. Informed of spots on liver and adrenal gland. Told that he may be able to take chemo later but it would only give him a bit longer and it would take a terrible tole on him. Dad has watched 3 of his brothers go through tough treatments for different kinds of cancer and lost one brother to mesothelioma. He is so tired and beat up and weak after all of the let downs. I wasn't able to be with my family at the appointment on Wed...I work 7 hours away. I left a week ago, I am not sure why he is so very weak if his blood is ok and the infection is not cause for concern. I have been working to get a second opinion since January and had high hopes for help from a friends collegue in California. That fell apart too. I want to send him to Ottawa to see a specialist but I don;t think he will agree now. Sigh. I am sooooo tired of the roller coaster taking us down, I sure hope it is time for an upswing, even alittle one. Sorry, I really rambled on this time. Thanks again everyone, God bless...I am sure some of this is familiar to many of you Lee-Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroline Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 Hi I am going through something very similar. My dad has been battling nsclc IIIB for 5 years and I realize that I am fortunate to have had 5 years to spend with him but I keep saying what a rollercoaster ride it has been!! My dad is also at the point of giving up. It's hard to know whether to encourage him not to give up or to support him in his decision so he can feel good about making peace with dying. I am still at the stage you are... of looking into whether there are any alternatives to giving up...then I guess I will gently mention them and see what he decides to do. He on the other hand, is looking into hospice care right now so I guess that tells you his frame of mind. It's really hard isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renee Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 My mom was diagnosed with NSCLC in Sept. 02 stage IIIb then later staged at 4. She has gone through the same thing with wanting to give up. She has told me over and over that she wished she hadn't come out of the hospital with the FIRST pnuemonia, she's had 4. I know how horrible it is to hear that from one of the people that you always thought was so strong. Growing up, it's the parents that can do anything, or get through anything. Then all of a sudden, it's YOU, who has to be strong, and do research to try and save your parents life. Sometimes I feel like my mom's life is in my hands. I don't think there is anything that anyone can say that will make it all go away. That all of a sudden, it's all better and you don't worry anymore. You know what I mean, those people who know nothing about what you are going through, who say, "don't worry, it will be all right". I feel like saying "why didn't I think of that? WOW, thanks, all gone!!" I know that everyone is just trying to help, it's just annoying. I do have a point somewere, all though I think I lost it somewere along the way. I feel like Rose on the "Golden Girls". Just hit me on the head with a news paper.... Don't worry, it will be all right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlon Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Wow Renee, I don't think I could have said it any better. I feel like my mom's like is in my hands too. She never did any research, just embraced treatment from our sub-par local hospital. She trusted her first oncologist's judgment so adamantly and ended up hospitalized every 30 days. She would sometimes make sarcastic references like, "If I'm still around to receive my disability check". It was horrible. Now I make fun of her because of those things she said and she's like, "Well I didn't know I would be cured." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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