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Random fate


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Last night I was very excited about going to a dance class with my spouse. We used to dance a lot prior to the pneumonia of last year that led up to the discovery of my cancer and all the crap that followed. Due to healing, radiation and fatigue, we hadn't been going to classes or out (couldn't be around smoke or people). Last night was the first time we had seen many of the "dancing group"...

One of the older, single guys (I think late 50s) arrived on a motorcycle. I didn't ask anyone about it, I KNOW he did because I saw him take off a red helmet and put it on the bar (dance class is held at a local watering hole). I thought it odd, since the man normally drives a big Cadillac, but hey, he's entitled to a second childhood!

My husband and I danced for a while and then called it a night about 3/4 of the way through class since it was my first time out and he didn't want me to push too hard (as if I'm one for babying, but I had to get my son home to bed, too). We told everyone good night and received hugs before leaving because we had been out of the loop for so long. The motorcycle man (a great guy, really) gave me a big hug, said he was glad I was doing so good, and we left....

This morning, I received an early morning phone call. The voice on the other end said "Dean hit a deer"...I replied "On a motorcycle?"..."Yes, he died." I then had to call my husband at work and tell him the news-the "dance group" are his friends, I'm a relatively new addition.

It all seems so odd, no cancer, no heart attack or stroke....just a damn deer! So much for trying to guess who goes when, random fate has a way of getting in and making a mess of what is seen as a "given".

We will miss him.

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It seems we are all so "cancer-focused" and concentrating on how unfair it is for our lives to be threatened with being cut short that we lose sight of the big picture, that NO ONE knows how long they have and when it will end. Cancer doesn't take me out of the random chance lottery, but it seems to put the focus on the time limits given by the medical profession. "If I make it two years, it's a big step"...guess the big lesson to learn is that LIFE is fatal and that NO ONE gets out of it alive.

My husband and I were discussing our first year together and the one lesson we've learned together is mortality. We can't decide how long we have, but we can decide how we live it. One day at a time with time to smell the roses... Plan as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.

Onward, today is a new day and I'm off to take the boy to school and head to work. Hope ya'll have a sunny day! (and if it's raining where you are, go out and let it run down your face...cleanses the soul...)



aka Snowflake

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This poem was on my daughter's bulletin board in her room. It really was her philosophy:

I will not play at tug o' war

I'd rather play at hug o' war

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug.

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins

I now realize how important it is to tell those you love how much they mean to you. To enjoy each and every day we have, and never to forget those we love.


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I had a friend Nita that was just beside herself when I was diagnosed with cancer. She was crying and I kept telling her I was not dead yet. I then told her that she would probably be dead before me! :shock: That seemed to break the mood and she laughed and things went back to normal within a few weeks. About one yr later she and her boyfriend were riding his motorcycle and had an accident. She lived for about 3 days. I have never forgotten that conversation. We DO NOT KNOW when we will die. If not cancer then something else. I feel luckythat I have learned that I need to cherish the time I have now. Most people go thru life worrying about insignificant things, not me :D , Hopefully that is one thing all of us have learned.

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