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Jack Schitt (A David A. Classic)

Frank Lamb

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This is a repost of one of the late,great David A's jokes.Posted here on June 11th 2004.

The Schitt Family

It has come to my attention that many visitors to my Web site, when questioned on various areas of general knowledge, have responded 'I don't know Jack Schitt'!

This page will remedy that situation.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who's married to Oh Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. They produced seven children. Their first son, Big Schitt was followed by twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, then by three daughters: Im Schitt, Fulla Schitt, and GivaSchitt, and finally another son, Bull Schitt. Big Schitt manages a restaurant called the Schitt House which is visited often by people who view this site.

Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Deep Schitt and Dumb Schitt now publish a newsletter named the Schitt List that recognize our viewers for their various actions on the web. Our viewers are urged to check the Schitt List often, as it is updated daily and may contain their name. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.

Dip Schitt operates a hardware store called Good Schitt. Breaking tradition, IM Schitt married Save Faced. IM Schitt-Faced is now the director of the local drug and alcohol rehab program. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are named Dawg Schitt , Bird Schitt , and Horse Schitt. The Shitt-Happens own a consulting firm used exclusively by this Web site. When problems happen, Shitt-Happens is an appropriate response.

Bull Schitt just married a real spicy number, Pisa Shitt, and they are proudly awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. Bull Shitt is consulted by this site on financial matters and has input on how to run a Web site for profit.

...And now you know Jack Schitt.

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I overheard 2 farmers talking the other day. There must have been several Schitt family members visiting them. One claimed he wrecked his tracter by running into Pilla Schitt. The other farmer kept asking if it was Horse Schitt or Cow Schitt. I think I heard one of them mention Pig Schitt but I am not sure which one.

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I like this one. I was just at a wake for a friend of mine, and came across some pictures of the "Schitt Family" from a halloween party he was at some years ago. He and his buddies all dressed up in brownish-black sheets with signs around their necks declaring their names--Jack Schitt, etc... Sounds like I have an idea for this years party!

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