amyrig35 Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 I haven't posted since the spring - since my MIL was "unoficially" diagnosed. She was hospitalized for heart issues and they found spots on her lungs almost as a side issue to the heart problems. They ran the chest x-rays and CT scans but said she wasn't strong enough for much else. She didn't want to know and didn't want to talk about it. Well a few weeks later she was hospitalized again because her face swelled to the point where she was having trouble swallowing and breathing. Still didn't want to talk about it but the doctor mentioned that it could be from the cancer... she glared at him and no more was said. So that's it. Her face continues swell and then subside (she takes a Benedryl and prays). She is exhausted and forces herself out of bed most days (some days she stays in). No appitite - food tastes funny. She is loosing weight and misses smoking (she did quit when she was in the hospital the first time). She blacked out briefly a few weeks ago and fell to the floor but luckally didn't break anything. She said it was the blood pressure medication. I guess that's it. She doesn't want to know so we can't ask. She is waiting to get better and we are waiting for... I don't know. Something. I guess I'm just venting. My husband is upset but he doesn't like to talk about it either - so here I am. Thank you for listening. -amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Amy: Last I knew, your SIL was going to try and talk to the doctor.....your mom didn't allow that? Is your mom still seeing the doctor routinely for monitoring? I can empathize with what you're going through.....my mom brushed aside symptoms as nothing important, insisted she wasn't sick, fell a few times too (at least one of them had a blackout involved), swelling in the legs and ankles that she didn't even recognize as being there, lost weight too and was happy she was doing that (she looked anorexic and she wanted to lose more weight!), and got royally mad at me when I tried to help on the simplest of issues, but she did seek treatment nonetheless. Was it just my mom or the disease talking? Was a bit of both, actually, but mostly the disease and that was hard to deal with -- but I did have access to her doctors and I did a lot of research myself so I knew what was going on (even though I REALLY, REALLY didn't like it, at least I knew). Glad you're venting -- you need to let that kind of stress out somehow. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to -- you're in a difficult, very stressful, position and you have to take care of yourself no matter what. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Amy,I am sorry this has become a no talk about it issue.It is however her choice. It has been my good fortune to have spouse and family with open ears to listen to anything I have to say about this disease.There are many feelings,ideas and other thoughts to be shared with other family members and friends and can often times make the whole journey much more doable. You can't force the issue but mabe some subtle prying could get her to open up.Every one in the family could benefit from it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 I can understand the frustration of what you are going through; But have no words except these; Remember yesterday, Cherish today, and pray for tomorrow. sending prayers for a miracle, strenght and peace for everyone. I understand that this is hard and Please know we are always here so do not apologize for Venting. We all do it at some point.anytime, we are always here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrig35 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 That's right. My SIL was going to talk to her dictor. Actually my MIL agreed to my SIL joining her at her next appointment (technically at the cardiologist, but that is the only doctor she will agree to see. And he knows the situation). The day before the appointment she was back in the emergency room. Diverticulitus. Or so they think. She was in for 5 days. Home for 12 hours. Back in for one week and then in a rehab facility for a week. Needless to say the appointment that my SIL was going to attend was postponed and, to the best of my knowledge, has yet to be rescheduled. There was an allergist brought in for a consultation - my MIL didn't like him. I think that means that he told her things she didn't want to hear, but that's just my suspicion. I know that these are her choices, but I'm not sure she is really thnking about them before she is making them. When the hospital first mentioned going to rehab the doctor sat her and my husband down and tried to explain that she really needed the help. At least for the short term. She broke down crying and said that she just wasn't ready to let go and die. Wonderful! But ignoring all of this, to me, seems like letting go... And if she isn't ready (I know that we certainly aren't ready) she doesn't seem to be activly fighting. Maybe she is in her way... I just have SO many questions for her that I can't ask. I have no right to question her and her decisions and what she wants to do - but I really WANT to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Your MIL's symptoms sound like what John has gone through with his superior vena cava syndrome. A tumor pushing on the vena cava will cause the swelling and the blacking out (due to the blood flow/ lack of oxygen if you stand quickly or cough hard). That is why the cardiologist said it may be related to the cancer. I am sorry she won't discuss it-- seems like such a waste to not face it and make an informed decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Amy I have no words of advice but wanted to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I'm so sorry for you Amy, there is nothing I can think of to say that will make that helpless feeling go away. I guess it comes down to trusting your Mother knows what is right for her and respecting that. My Dad has no choices as well due to his heart ... we think my Mom knew a cancer was causing her headaches and she kept it secret. After having cerivical cancer at 26, she swore no doctor would ever tell her she had cancer ever again. And she made sure no one would ... amazing for a known hypocondriac. We don't talk about "it" either, my Dad knows he can only deal with so much reality and knows his limit. He acknowledges he has cancer but other than that ignores it as much as he can. More like ignoring "the bully in the schoolyard" so not to give the impression they are effecting you, opposed to denial. I can only say you have to trust ......... trust they are comfortable with what they know. Attempt to understand that knowing is equally as hard, but yet talking about it makes it ( ) that much more real. I do the same, I often say "I know it and live it, I don't want to talk about it too" .... And that would be my reason! The upside is that if you have a good relationship with your doctor. Maybe they will give you more information out in the hallway out of respecting everyones needs????? I tend to walk away with Dad at the appointments and my two sisters stay behind to ask more questions. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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