justme2007 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 My mom is 69 with severe emphysema. On oxygen 24/7 for about a year. We got the sclc with mets to liver and vertebrae confirmation yesterday. Doc wants to do scan of her brain. She said her pain is at a "3" on vicodin. Just sleeps all day long, but seems very peaceful. She is opting for no treatment, "for now," she said. Hospice coming in to her home starting Monday. Her primary goal is to see her first grandchild (due 12/6 -- my brother's child). The way she talks, I believe she will not have treatment even after the birth. The doc says 6 months at the outside with no treatment. I wish I knew what the REALISTIC amount of time left was, so I could decide what to do about work. I guess no one really knows, but what do I do in the meantime?!? She said yesterday, "You should worry about your business (I just started solo law practice a few months ago), and your brother should worry about his pregnant wife." MUCH easier said than done. I cannot sit here and work knowing she is dying, and realistically it could be anytime?? I am literally just trying to put one foot in front of the other. I am unmarried with no kids, my brother and his wife have no kids yet, my dad is alive but not too sharp-witted anymore. My brother and I live 1-2 hours away. I don't know if I should stay with her now full time??? I just go from being despondent, to laughing/singing to panicked to numb. I'm sure that's normal. I'm trying to have faith and to realize it's all in God's hands. I don't know what God wants ME to do in this situation. Work part time? Spend weekends with her? I am praying for guidance . . . God bless, Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dihen Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Beth, I'm sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis and the decisions that you are now facing. When my mom was first diagnosed with lung cancer in late January of this year, nothing else mattered but being by her side every moment of every day, so I know how you are feeling. Listen to your heart - it will lead you in the right direction in terms of work, etc. Praying for your mom, you and your family.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Oh Beth, I am so, so sorry to read your post. This disease is such a terrible thing, and it is just so invasive into every aspect of how we live. I dont' know what to advise you, but I will tell you waht I know. I have been consumed by cancer since my dad's diagnosis on March 16, and have done some research. SCLC is one of the fastest growing cancers that exists. For example, my dad's tumor was pretty big and stretched between the two lungs. His doc said it wouldn't have even shown up 6 months prior...so it gets big, fast. My dad's tumor was cutting off the blood supply to the Superior Vena Cava, whcih is the main vein from the upper extremities and the brain to the heart. Had my dad not seeked treatment, it would have been this that would have taken his life, not the "cancer" per-se. Treatment for my dad started working after the first one. By the second treatment the tumor had shrunk by over 50%, and now my dad is in remission. My dad did not have mets, and I realize that this changes everything. No matter what you decide know that you are only doing your best. You should have no regrets. I always say that any day I have with my dad is a true gift from God, because we just never know. God's blessings, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Beth, I am so sorry to read about your mom's diagnosis. I don't really know what to tell you except listen to your heart as one of the other posters said. You will never regret having spent too much time with your mother. I am praying for you and your family. God Bless, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Beth, I can only share my experience with you. I had just started my own consulting business when Charlie was diagnosed. I ended up working part-time and did a lot of work from home when I needed to. It was as if God had put things in motion so that I could be more flexible during this very difficult time. I believe in praying and seeking his will for your life. He will give you the answer you are seeking. Take care. Praying for your mom, you and your whole family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Beth i wish we all had a majic wand that would make this all go away but sadly that will never be. I feel that your Mother understand's the odd's of beating this desease and has chosen to live her life Chemo free for as long as GOD permit's. My wife fought it for almost 2 year's and suffered daily but alway's felt and believed she would beat it. It was so very difficult watching her suffer daily but her spirit of wanting to win and live kept me going also.So i would not despair as your mother sound's to me like a very unselfish person and a realist. And the Doctor can only make a estimate as only GOD really know's when her or any one's time is up. Enjoy your Mother and give her all the time you can spare and also see if you can make sure she is eating really healthy and my last bit of advice for what it's worth since she has chosen no Chemo check into some alternative treatment's and see if that might not interest her, remember Suzanne Sommer's as that is her choice of treatment and it worked for her. Good luck and GOD bless your Mother and you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 I'm chiming in only to agree with everyone else here, you will never regret being there for your mom as her daughter, advocate and friend. You are right to be seeking support, as this is quite a blow to all of you. Your mom seems very brave. Prayers for all of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Beth, so very sorry about your mom. Hard decisions for you at this time. Will be praying that God make it clear for you to take a course of action. Bless you. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2007 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Thank you all for your advice, thoughts and prayers. I'm very grateful for this site! Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEA Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Prayers for your Mother and your family during this difficult journey. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smallcell Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Beth; I am in the very same boat as you are dear. There are many of us out there like this! I had a high stress finance job where I had to produce number each month. 60-70 hours a week. When dad was dx'd Janauary 6, 2006 with Extensive Small Cell w/liver & gall bladder complications due to tumors. I struggled like you wouldn't believe. By March 1 I just quit work and have blown through savings. I took dad in a wheel chair on a flight to Florida to visit his friends and see the ocean. That's what he wanted to do. Today, the cancer is winning and things look bleek for dad. But as hard as it has been for me financially, I would have never spent this kind of every day time with my dad had I been in the same life working the way I did. Words cannot describe the priceless times he and I have had this past year. Hang in there beth I will say a prayer for you and keep you in my thoughts. Know that someone out there, like me, totally understands what you are going through!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2007 Posted November 14, 2006 Author Share Posted November 14, 2006 Smallcell, yes, well one thing to be grateful for is that I won't get "fired!" lol It's very hard to focus though. My job seems so meaningless compared to my dying mother. On the other hand, since there's nothing I can do, work does give me something to keep my mind occupied (trying anyway). I am taking it day by day, one foot in front of the other. Our local hospice organization has support group meetings for caregivers. I'm looking into that for me and my dad, especially. I know there's a forum on here about that too. Prayers for you and your family. Beth P.S. Can anyone tell me how to reduce the font size in my signature so as it grows it doesn't take up so much space? Thx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dihen Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Beth, I had this same question when I started ! See this link for the answer from luvmydogs: http://lchelp.org/l_community/viewtopic.php?t=25692 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2007 Posted November 14, 2006 Author Share Posted November 14, 2006 Thx. BTW, your dogs are cute!! I have a 4 y.o. female black lab-pit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dihen Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Thank you! I bet your baby is cute too! BTW, The golden retriever is Bub (male 14 y/o) and the border collie mix (probably part Lab!) is Beau (male 8 y/o). They also have two cat brothers, Benson and Bailey, both orange/white. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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