Debi Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Actual Exerpts from Medical Records The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. She is numb from her toes down. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. The skin was moist and dry. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress. Patient was alert and unresponsive. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. The patient refused an autopsy. The patient has no past history of suicides. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up. Skin: somewhat pale but present. Admitted in error. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Jones, who felt that we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 I laughed, I cried....I laughed so hard I cried!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MurielK Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Me too. That is sooooooooooooo funny. Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Seen it before, but it still makes me laugh. I think I know some of the docs who wrote those notes! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 ROARING out loud with laughter...tears in my eyes. Thanks a million! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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