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mom is now in ICU. Her wbc was up a little but her red blood count is still low. Her platelettes are now higher so they gave her some heparin because her feet are turning purple and they are concerd about circulation.Her lung was full of fluid and she was having some distress with breathing so they put her on a ventalator. It was such a shock when i walked in and saw her that i couldnt stay in the room and i had to run to the ladies room and throw up. Her doctor met with us and told us that there is some liver damage and her lung collasped and her breathing is not good so at this point we are waiting to see if the second blood transfusion will help her. They were giving her blood when we were leaving. She is unresponsive and im not sure that she knew we were there. We needed to decide if her heart stopped did we want them to resusitate her or let her go. We decided that we have to let her go. She would hate to live like this and she had always made it clear that she didnt want to be "hooked up to a bunch of machines". My husband cant believe that i have any tears left, I am surprised if I make it 15 minutes without crying. I took today off work and I will not work tommorrow but I cant decide if i can handle another day of sitting there and watching her like this. I feel so lost and I cant even decide if I want coffee or tea. Oh well I cant tstop the progression of this awful thing happening to my family all I can do is try to make things easier on my dad. Thanks so much for listening


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Cheryl, I know how hard it is to see your mom like that. I went through it last year around the same time as you. We were face with the same decision regarding the do not resuscitate if the heart stops. It's really important that you spend time with her now. I tried to spend as much time as possible with my mom, even if it was so hard to see her like that. She is not the mom you know, I know. It's almost surreal what you are going through. Hang in there. My prayer is with you and your mom.



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