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tugging along


barbara5452

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Today will be my 9th radiation treatment to the mediastinum and I had my first chemo this past Monday. It has not been too bad, just I woke up today tired, the kinda tired sleep does'nt help. I stayed home from work, I was hoping not to miss work this early on, but just could not make myself go. Would like to know how many of you continued trying to work full time while going through this ? Went for my follow up with the surgeon who did my surgery in 2004, not sure what the purpose is no surgery to be done. I always leave his office and have to stop at the nearby park and have a good cry. He told me he could not say this was curable this time but that maybe I could buy some time. It hit me hard, as I cried I tried to remember all the post in this forum and how many are still here and doing okay, that is what I have to hold on to right now. He is so negative and Ive decided not to go back to him, he only upsets me. If and when the time comes for negative well I handle it the best way I can, but for now I need positive. He always pulls out that damn path report from the surgery in 2004 and shows me the cancer was not there then, Ive told him the fault lies with me for not being more agressive in demanding chemo as a precaution back then, I think he has a guilty mind. Any way I was very depressed last night but battled it out in my mind to prove him wrong, If its time Im getting thats okay just make it along TIME.....

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So,

Nine treatments finished today -that means only 21 more to go, right?? (or are you doing 35? 40?) either way, you're 9 down, and every day brings that count lower.

My mom finished her radiation last week, with that attitude, she got through it - one day at atime.

She had some days that she was kinda tired (especially after chemo), but most days she did just fine. Listen to your body and give it the rest it needs so you can kick this thing in the butt!!

Jen

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Barbara,

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Getting rid of the "Doom and Gloom" surgeon is a good idea. You need to surround yourself with a medical team who will fight for you.

Don't blame yourself about the follow-up chemo. You didn't know, and there are ALOT of survivors who didn't have follow-up chemo- it just wasn't done as often even just a few years ago...and you could have done the follow up chemo and the cancer could have recurred anyway, right? Don't hold onto that guilt.

You are doing what needs to be done now. Surround yourself in support and hope and remember how many survivors are here living with cancer (or are cancer-free) today. You can do this. We are all pulling for you.

Be gentle on yourself. It's a hard road, but like Connie B says, It IS do-able. You can do this.

Hugs,

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Hi Barbara,

When I was reading your profile, I noticed you originally had a 2.5 cm tumor with no lymph node involvement. That sounds like a stage 1A tumor to me, and even today, they don't recommend chemo for a 1A tumor. I just read on Dr. West's site that they are on the fence right now in recommending chemo for 1B people.

So, I think your course of treatment has been fine so far based on what I've read and what you've indicated.

Don't beat yourself up over not having chemo before. I don't think they would recommend it for you even today.

Katie's right, you need to focus on the positive right now, get through treatment, and work on staying healthy in all the ways you can make that happen--rest, healthy diet, exercise, positive thinking, etc......

Keep your chin up.

Cindy

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Barbara,

Please surround yourself with positive thinking doctors immediately. Another opinion would be good also you may find another treatment with a more promising outcome. Because this doctor cannot do something does not mean it cannot be done.

Carol

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