3boys4amy Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 As many of you know, my mom and dad are divorced and have been for several years now. Dad's girlfriend lives with him and helps take care of him. In the divorce, mom got the house, but has continued to let dad live there and he takes care of the bills. I had mentioned once before that my mom mentions a lot about what is going to happen to her when dad passes because her only income is alimony. Well, today she asked me to ask dad if he is happy with his girlfriend taking care of him. And if not, if he wants her to come in and live there to take care of him. She wants to kick the girlfriend out and move in. Since mom and dad divorced, she has lived with a few men and has gone back and forth between homes and kind of "lived for free" so to say. I feel completely stuck in the middle here. On one hand, I think I should ask him, but on the other, I feel uncomfortable doing it. Many of dad's friends and relatives do not like his girlfriend and do not come to visit him because of her being there. But, most of those same friends and relatives do not like my mom either. They were married over 30 years. My mom is worried that dad has put his girlfriend on his bank accounts and that she might be taking things out of the house that belong to her, myself or my brother. I can see her point, but I just don't want to cause more stress for dad than what he can handle. Has anyone EVER been in his situation before? I am clueless as to how to handle this. ANY suggestions would be appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 This is not your place. Your mom should not have asked this of you. She should contact your dad herself and if she's worried about the girlfriend taking something she can deal with her too. She shouldn't have put you in this position. She's put you in the middle and she shouldn't have. Tell her she will have to do it herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Wowee, this is a hard one for sure. I have to be honest and tell you that I do not think your mom should be putting this strain on you or your dad. If she is comfortable enough to be his primary caregiver, she should definitely be comfortable enough to make the call to your dad herself and offer up her help and/or talk about her concerns. If I were you, I would tell my mom to make the offer herself and that you do not want to be the one rocking the boat/in the middle. This is just my opinion Amy. How is your dad feeling lately? I know he was not doing so great last time you wrote... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Great advice given and I agree. It's your mom's place to take this on ~ not yours. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Amy, I agree with everyone else whole heartedly. You shouldn't have to be in that position. That was my first thought when I read this. Best of luck to you. Sorry you have to worry about all of this. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boys4amy Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Thanks everyone. Lori, dad isn't doing well at all. My mom has also been calling her cousin at hospice (who is in charge of the local hospice) and trying to get information from her. Well, I tried to tell her that her cousin could lose her job if she told her anything. Mom says "well, she's family, she'll tell me anything I want to know". Well, guess what? Her cousin wants to keep her job and quoted her the HIPAA act! She only confirmed, that yes, they had been contacted about services for dad, but nothing else. Good new is that some way, some how, I am going to see him during spring break, which is in 2 weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Good, I am so glad you got it all worked out to come see him. Are your kids coming too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boys4amy Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 It depends on whether I can get my husband to help me drive up there or not. He is in the Navy and an instructor, so it is hard for him to get leave. If not, then I will take my oldest and maybe my middle one. I couldn't handle all three by myself. They are 7, 5 & 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Amy, this is definitely a place that you don't want to be in the middle of. If your mom wants to change the current situation, then it's her place to speak with your dad and make all of the necessary changes. Hope your dad is feeling better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Wow, Amy. I am so sorry. As if Lung Cancer is not hard enough, the conflict that arises in families as a result really complicates things. I would echo what you have heard here, do not start advocating for your mother, it's too much for you to have to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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