Guest Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Hi, I am writing here because I know you will all understand or hope you will understand what I am going through right now. My mom was diagnosed recently with Stage IV NSCLC. The first month was just horrible, as I am sure you can all imagine. I am fortunate enough to live close by, so I am able to see her every weekend. Here's where I start feeling guilty and overwhelmed and please excuse my rambling! Overwhelmed b/c my mom does not know how bad the cancer is and doesn't want to know. I was in the doctor's office with her when he said he had a 50% chance of getting the cancer into remission, so 50% chance of not. My mom is a smart person, as is my dad, but they both act as if she is going to get better. They don't know what the stats say and I am sorry to bring this negativity to the board, but I am so afraid when things get tough, her and my dad will be so shocked at the situation and will not be able to handle it. Her attitude is positive and I do not see the point in discussing the stats with her b/c I don't think she would be as positive if she knew them. So I feel guilty that I am keeping something from them. And guilty b/c right now, I am not upset. I read stories about people who are upset all the time and I am just not. We are still in the hopeful stage where she just finished her second round of chemo and will have a CT scan in the next week, to see if the chemo is working. So, right now, I am calm, and so is my mother. She is not nervous like everyone on this board when they go for the scans. That probably is not the fairest thing to say, she is nervous b/c when I said I want my aunt there, she said "why, are you afraid the chemo isn't working and we are going to get bad news?" I don't think this comment comes from 100% knowledge that the chemo is working, but from the perspective like, ok, I have my chemo like the doctor says and all will be ok. One more thing on the guilty feelings, should I be crying all the time? Right now, I am happy I have my mother, for the most part she is ok, just some back pain, no mets to the brain or liver and I look at her and can't believe she is as sick as the doctors say she is. So, I have started to see some friends again and focus on the new apartment I bought and I am happy, at times and feel so bad about that. Thanks for listening and any words of wisdom you can provide will be greatly appreciated. God Bless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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