teriw Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Today I had a lovely morning with a friend. We got up very early and hiked along the coast -- an escape from the heat with lovely scenery. I came home to a life insurance check in the mail. Bill looking out for me still. He was so worried about that. It was so important to him that I be okay. He worked so hard for it. As usual, he came through. But it made me very sad. Then they start. The "if only" thoughts. The regrets for things I should have done better, particularly in the last several days. The regrets for things I simply should have known better about when he was in hospital. Times I was thoughtless or too preoccupied to notice little things. The idea that I of all people -- the person he most counted on for everything -- might have done anything to increase any anxiety he was feeling. Might have made him believe that I had given up hope. How do you deal with that? I tell myself I know what Bill would say. He would say "thank you." He would tell me to see the big picture. He would give me excuses, like I was under so much pressure, scared, sad, exhausted, etc. Or maybe those are excuses I give myself. Either way, they don't work right now, and I'm not sure if they ever will. But he looks out for me still. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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