teriw Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 I can honestly say this week has been one of the toughest that I've had in months. After a time of frantically working on projects and just having a lot going on, it was the first time I had nothing major to do. My calendar and my mind were free. I have been feeling the void of Bill's absence in a "real" and new way. I have a constant flow of memories -- good and bad. I have that pit in my stomach again. Different than it was during the initial weeks after he passed, but there nonetheless. There's a dullness in the air even when I'm enjoying something or laughing. I find myself taking deep breaths for no apparent reason. And I'm not as tolerant with people as I normally am (especially if they're complaining about a problem that can be fixed). I pep up when I'm around people and no one would guess how I'm feeling, but the moment I'm alone again, a heaviness takes over. I feel a bit like I'm living in slow motion. But the worst part is that I can't cry. I feel like I have this enormous build up of pressure that can't be released. Like it's going to come pouring out at the most inopportune time. Like I have no control over it. What's up with this emotion? It's a new one for me. I'm used to going on fast forward for days, then crashing for a day and having the tears come. That was my norm and I was okay with it. But this is different. Is this the lead-up to the 6 month mark? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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