Marci Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 HI ALL, TODAY IS MY MOTHER'S PETSCAN AND WE ARE SCARED TO DEATH OF WHATS TO COME. TUESDAY NIGHT WE WERE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM B/C MY MOM WAS HAVING SHOULDER PAIN AND NECK AND BACK PAIN. THEY DID A CATSCAN TO CLEAR HER OF ANY CLOTS ETC. AND DOC CLEARED HER OF HAVING HEART ATTACK BUT WE DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE PAIN IS COMING FROM NOW. ALLS THE EMERGENCY ROOM DOC SAID WAS TO GET IN TOUCH W/ONCOLOGIST AND HE KNEW SHE WAS GOING FOR PETSCAN ANYWAY ON THURSDAY SO WE TOOK THE REPORT WHICH HAD SOME THINGS UNDERLINED AND WE WENT HOME READING IT THINKING THIS DOES NOT SOUND GOOD THE EMERGENCY ROOM DOC FAXED IT OVER TO THE ONCOLOGIST ON WEDNESDAY AM RIGHT AWAY WHICH WAS SCARY HOW FAST HE SENT IT TO HIM AND TO MY MOTHER'S PRIMARY DOC THEN THE PRIMARY DOC CALLED AND INFORMED US THAT SHE FAXED IT TO ONCOLOGIST AS WELL . I AM SCARED TO DEATH THE CANCER IS BACK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I FEEL SO LOST AND SCARED AGAIN. THE CALM PERIOD IN WHICH WE WERE IN IS OFFICIALLY OVER, WHERE IN BETWEEN THINGS WERE OK IT SEEMS WE ARE BACK ON THIS FEAR ROAD AGAIN. I AM FEARFUL FOR MY MOM NOW B/C OF SEEING HER IS THIS MUCH PAIN AND MY HEART BREAKS INSIDE AND I HAVE TO HOLD BACK TEARS TO STAY STRONG IN FRONT OF HER TO NOT GET HER SO ALARMED. I WAS SHAKING IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM NEXT TO HER AND SHE SAID STOP SHAKING WHY ARE U SO NERVOUS, I LIED AND TOLD HER I WAS COLD. ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE MY JOB IS ON THE LINE - I MISS DAYS ON AND OFF DEPENDING ON WHATS GOING ON WITH MOM AND I HAVE OFFICIALLY RUN OUT OF VACATION DAYS, SICK TIME, ETC. THIS BALANCING ACT IS NOT REALLY BALANCED ANYMORE. NOT SURE WHAT TO DO ANYMORE - SORRY FOR ONGOING VENTING ETC. JUST FEELING SO SCARED AND LOST OF WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. MARCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Hi Marci. Understandbly scared. This is so tough on everyone. Sorry you are having to go through this. And that it is also impacting your job. But your mom is lucky to have you by her side. Lots of prayers and positive thoughts on the PET scan. Once you have those results at least you will know what you are dealing with and can proceed from there. Take good care of you too please Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I certainly understand your fear. I certainly hope that the PET scan shows no cancer on your mom. Prayers Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I really do rely on coming on here for strength. I just feel very weak right now and I think I am having a breakdown. I have been good for sometime and thought of myself as being strong for not breaking down and carrying on with things for everyone but feel one of those breakdowns approaching and sometimes it just comes on me abruptly when I think of the reality we are in right now, as I write this I am sobbing on the computer at work with no one around thank god all have gone home for the day. Need to pull it together and get some strength together. Thanks Again for your kindness and concern- Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 ((((Marci)))) I am so sorry that you are back on the damn roller coaster ride again. Its so hard!!! I am wishing, hoping and praying that your mom's PET scan is OK. Please, please keep us update. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Marci, I've checked dates and times in your posts and it appears your mom had her scan at 10 am today. How long do you typically wait for results? I'm lucky and get them the same day. The wait is what kicks you. It leaves too much time for the fear to fester. I just felt so bad picturing you at work alone crying at your computer. I hope you were able to finally take a deep breath and calm yourself a little. I swear as a former mental health counselor that it's cumulative stresses that push people over the edge. Having to worry about your job at the same time you help your mom through this crisis is just too much. Think about who you might call on to help with transport, etc. for mom until you get things stablized at work. Once they see you have options, you might be able to take a leave day without pay now and then for the really important visits with mom's doctors. Take care dear and try to have a calmer, more peaceful evening knowing at least that you have people here who care. Let us know what we can do to help. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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