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I am tired of being afraid......I am scared of losing hope!


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I am really struggling with how I have been feeling lately. I want to have hope! I want to believe with all my heart that my mom is going to be here a long time but I am overwhelmed with this feeling of dread. I am afraid! I am afraid that by not thinking positive I am losing hope and giving in. I am afraid to have hope and have it crushed!

My mom's last PET was stable but lately she has started having headaches. She had flu like symptoms Wednsday and said she feels dizzy and unstable. It has gotten better the past few days but I just feel in my gut that this is cance's ugly head again. Her Dr was giving her body a break from chemo. We all needed a break and now this.

I hate that I have this feeling that this is bad news. I hate that I feel I am running out of hope and my worst fears aren't even confirmed. Has anyone had a time they were positive it was cancer and it wasn't? That seems like a crazy question to ask here. I am afraid to have hope because I am not sure how much more I can take! I am scared to death to think it is a brain met. Am I giving up to not have as much hope as before? I always believed you have to take this as it comes and hope and pray for the best. I still believe this but I can't seem to fully commit to it! The fear is right there all the time lately.

I am sorry to ramble. I am not sure I even made any sense. I just felt this is the one place I can come and share my feelings. Thank you for giving me a place.


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Do ya ahve any eggs in tghe fridge ?? Grab one go outside and throw it as hard as possible agianst a tree put your arm into it!!!! Kinda a transference of emotions!! I understand the fear and anxiety though really it is difficulr to stay positive all teh time but we do our best for those we love!! We pray for every day we can get!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and Prayers Randy in NC

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I think what you are going through is perfectly normal. This disease is such a roller coaster ride for us all, patients and caregivers.

I love Randy's egg throwing, it does help to rid some of the frustrations! It also helps to come here and vent, just as you did, and let us help you through this. It is so natural to have fear and to have anger and we will be here for you and help you work through it

Keep posting and know that you and your Mom are in our thoughts and prayers


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There were many times I felt the same way you are feeling now - my Mom had dizzy spells etc...and swore it was back in her brain (she had 1 very small met) and it never came back again. Many times she thought this was it and it wasn't. So yes to answer your question-we are human and I think this is one of the hardest things we have to deal with in life, so of course our minds are going to play games on us, we try to be positive, have hope, be their biggest cheerleaders but still in the back of our mind we know first hand from this website alone how horrible the disease is. You just have to remember that there are plenty of people who do beat this disease everyday.

Whenever I jumped way ahead of myself during my Moms illness I would reel myself back again, breathe deep, and know that all the worrying in the world wont change anything.

All any of us can do is take life one day at a time and enjoy every minute of it.

Keep the faith, don't give up and don't be hard on yourself for being human.

Take Care


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Hi Dana. I think what you are going through happens to all us some of the time. It is getting through it that is important and finding the much needed fight and hope in our spirits to carry on as we know we will, the best way we can. I hope you are starting to feel better.


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I hear what your saying.. its hard not to think the worst.. but it could possible be just something as simple as the flu or a urinary infection...or even deydration. Just being a slight bit dehydrated can make even the healthest of us have headaches! Keep postitive, Dana... and if it seems to get worse.. dont hesitate to call the Onc.

I forgot if I asked before, but is your Mom going to UW?

Thinking of you and hugs being sent to you from Oshkosh! ((((Dana))))

your fellow-caregiver Wisconsinite,


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