I have never met so many......

[Calintay]

shallow people in my life. You know in this past month to month in a half I have never known how many people are so self centered and self absorbed that it is sickining to me. It seems every since my husband and I have seperated many of the "friends" who I used to regularly talk to try and avoid the whole situation of the seperation even if they have to totally disconnect totally from me. I find it funny how people will simply call and try and spread rumors, or ask what the other one did, etc. I also find it funny how many people can act like they totally care but usually can't pretend for all that long then just disappear. Like they really never exsisted. Anyways, just had to vent I am sure we have all experienced the shallowness and selfishness of people. I believe everyone is shallow and self centered at one time or another but then there are some who are just like that on a regular basis and can kiss my a**!

[fillise]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now, not only with the spearation but with people's reaction to it. It's often too bad that when we need our friends the most they are unable or unwilling to help us through.

((((Calintay))))

Susan

[tnmynatt]

Reminds me of people's reaction to me being a widow. They aren't doing the talking behind my back, etc. etc., but they have disappeared so they don't have to deal with the awkwardness of it all. Very sad. Sorry you are having to go through this in addition to your separation.

[Larry's Wife]

I don't understand it, either. It doesn't seem to matter what sort of "bad luck" a person is going through (illness, divorce, death, etc.), many of our so-called friends bail on us. What, do they think it's catching or something? And of those that do stick around, some are only there for the gossip factor.

I'm sure it's cold comfort to know that many of us understand exactly what you are saying.

You will, however, find out which of your acquaintences are truly friends.

(((Calintay))), I wish I could do more than give you a cyberhug.

Lynn

[dahknee]

Really very sorry Heidi, I'd love to think that everyone isn't really just shallow and cold but sometimes it really seems that way doesn't it. I know that I have distanced myself at times from people experiencing pain in their lives because I just don't know how to deal with it sometimes. Another case I can remember from a couple years ago was a friend who divorced her husband and he was also my friend, anyway everytime I saw her she was always sooo bitter over their divorce it was overwhelmiong and I didn't want to be on a "side" in it but I felt like I couldn't say anything for fear of upsetting her. I guess I don't know very well how to deal with other peoples pain, especially emotional pain. It's so ambiguous and invisible to other people even though it is as real as a broken leg or this horrible disease. Just hang in there Heidi and know that you always have a place to vent anyway and people who support you..

Hugggss

Donny

[Calintay]

OMG Donny that is funny. I have two single neighbors inparticular who are men who I used to text, talk to and have a beer with here and there. One of them absolutely refuses to talk to me unless I am with my husband. He won't return my text messages unless he has seen me at the house with my husband. The thing that is funny is he never talked to my husband before when we were together, only me but now he has switched it around. The other neighbor remains mutual I try not to give anyone around me to much detail because it really does NOT matter. Even my dad has made comments to me ( since I am staying with my parents til I find a place) he said just like two days ago "I really think you would be happier if you just tried to work it out" Really how the hell does anyone know what will make me happy? Then of course there are the friends who try and hook you up with someone right away when all I want is to raise my kids and find myself again. I have lost ten years not knowing who I REALLY am and need to do some soul searching. Anyways, thanks everyone for the replies I guess today things just got the best of me!

[Caren]

(((HUG)))

[dahknee]

Huggs Heidi, somedays you're the windshield, somedays you're the bug. Just make it through all the days, there are a lot more bugs to mow down.

Donny

[jaminkw]

Heidi, Lynn expressed my feelings exactly: pepole act like bad things like separation are catching. My husband and I took some significant "breaks" from our marriage years ago while we were trying to alternately work it out or get divorced. The "divorce" was abandoned just before the hearing that would have made if official. I'm glad we are still together but I learned a lot about myself and regained a large measure of what I'd lost in 13 or 14 years of marriage. It's common for women, especially women with children, to lose themselves in marriage. There are so many expectations of who we are supposed to be as wives and mothers.

I agree with Donny, in that men often don't know how to respond to a women feeling bad. If they can't fix it, it's hard for them. Hang in there. I agree that eventually you will find out who your true friends are.

[Patti B]

Heidi-

Sorry I missed this post earlier. I know exactly how you feel - my husband and I split for a while and our best friends really had trouble with who to talk to......like I didn't want them to still be Joe's friend!! Just because I couldn't get along with him doesn't mean that I expected them to not get along with him.

And then there was I was diagnosed. Some of my friends were great, they did a food thing where meals were sent to me every day. Was wonderful BUT some of the people were people I really wasn't close to and some of my closest friends didn't send a damn thing!!!! AND - when a lot of my good friends just disappeared .....guess it was too hard having a bald=headed friend wearing a scarf getting stares - I found that some of the people who were just acquaintances were the ones who really stepped up to the plate - and are still there for me. I guess your true friends will always be your true friends and you really find out who the wishy-washy ones are when the going gets rough.

Hope you are starting to feel better and please remember you can always come here to vent. Because we ARE your true friends.

Hugs - Patti B.

[Barb73]

(((Calintay)))

When a couple I know separated, my heart felt that both needed the comforting.

The "Shallow Hal" syndrome is old fashioned. My thinking is that everything is so difficult to do today - in this present-day world - that we need especially good-intentioned friends.

Don't let "the barking dogs stop the caravan." Just keep moving forward.

Barbara