Please Help me :-(

[Willowjoi]

On April 3rd when my mother and myself were

out shopping she started to complain of severe nausea. My wonderful incredible mother is 90 and a shopoholic!. By the time we returned home she was worse. I decided to call 911 and by the time they arrived my mama was in full respiratory failure. At that point they gave us little to no chance for her to survive. I felt like my life was over. She was then put on a vent for two weeks, had 7 thoracentesis's and then a pleurodesis. Back on the vent for another week and then 8 bronchoscopys. Then on April 22 the doctor told us the news that would break our hearts into a million pieces-mama had a 2cm tumor in her left lung. None of the 7 thoracentesis showed any cells until the last one which only showed a few. They were not sure how to stage her but they guessed a 3a. My mothers lung walls are not thick so they said maybe it wasn't as bad as they thought. My mother was a Captain in the China Burma theatre in WWII she stopped smoking cold turkey in 1972. She is blind, almost totally deaf and suffers from dementia as a result of a long Hernia surgery last year. We have not told her of her diagnosis as she also suffers from severe anxiety disorder and will probably just give up. She is now only getting 5 liters of oxygen and breathing at 99%. Her heart is in great shape, kidneys are excellant and just has mild BP issues that are under control with medicine. The docs however do not want to treat her because of her age. This is a woman that up to a month ago went to the gym 4 times a week and had more energy then me! She told me today that she feels great and can't wait to get home. I cannot give up that easily! I know that she would want to fight this. She had Colon CA 8 years ago (early staged) and fought like a trooper. The docs say that the sides from the chemo are horrible. He also stated that even with chemo she would only have 6 months! I am praying that some of you can help me give my mama the chance she deserves. What Chemos worked for you? Are the side effects that devastating? My God I can't just give up on her! We lost our Dad at 63 from this horrible disease. Thank you all in advance!! God Bless You.

[recce101]

Hi, welcome to LCSC. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's illness — she sounds like a real trooper! As an ex-military person myself, I have a huge respect for the ladies who led the way in "degenderizing" (I thought I was coining a word, but now see it's in the dictionary!) our armed forces back in the 1940s and thereabouts. Please give her a nice arm-squeeze for me.

Her doctors' hesitation in giving chemo to a 90-year-old patient is well founded. For someone in a debilitated condition, chemo is far more likely to do harm than good, and that's true for younger patients as well. But if she recovers enough to get around without much difficulty, they might be willing to try one of the less challenging treatment options.

The docs say that the sides from the chemo are horrible.

Not necessarily. Do you know the subtype of her lung cancer? More options are available if it's adenocarcinoma, and one of the gentler chemos effective for that subtype is Alimta. Another possibility is a daily pill, Tarceva. I've seen both of these recommended for patients over 80.

May I suggest that you visit cancergrace.org (GRACE — Global Resource for Advancing Cancer Education). GRACE is led by Dr. Howard "Jack" West, a Seattle oncologist who is an internationally-recognized expert on lung cancer and who gives high priority to promptly answering questions online. A lot of us are "dual citizens" and have the same usernames there as here.

Best wishes and Aloha,

Ned

[ts]

She really does sound like an incredible woman.

One thing to remember - no doctor can predict how long she will live - with or without treatment. They can tell you the average or median for a big group of people, but not for a single individual.

90 is really pushing it for harsh chemo - it's really worth considering quality of life and know that if she wants to undergo treatment it is her desire - not something she is doing for others. I don't want to sound harsh, but hope you can separate out your desires from hers. I think that might be very difficult with her dementia? We have a difficult enough time with this with my 91 year old Dad and he doesn't have dementia - just a series of difficult illnesses - and yes, he continues to fight, so I can understand it if you say she wants to as well. But he has also opted to not undergo invasive surgery for the past year, understanding that the two conditions he has may take his life.

If you want to pursue treatment, a second opinion may be in order. Ned has suggested a couple of good options for chemo and for a consult with the good doctors at GRACE.

Best.

[jstdzy]

Welcome. Sorry you have the need to be here. I would also suggest talking to the docs over at cancergrace.org. I don't know why your doc would say chemo is to harsh for somebody in your Mom's shape. It really varies from person to person how they take to chemo, some people it doesn't bother at all, some people get deathly ill. Nobody really knows how your Mom would do on chemo. You said she fought the beast once and won, maybe she would be up for another round? Good luck to you and your Mom,

Dana

[jaminkw]

They dx'd me in 07 as 3b because of my pleural effusions. Altho I had the big guns in the beginning (Carboplatin/Taxol/Avastin), I choose to go off Avastin maintenance after six months in remission. I got six more months but the cancer came back stronger. This time I went on one of the chemos Ned mentioned, Alimta. Once I got the hang of handling the constipation it causes (everyone needs to find the routine that works best for them but it MUST be handled), Alimta has been a relatively easy chemo to do.

Your mother sounds like an amazing woman and hopefully, in spite of her dementia, can make a decision as to treatment or no. I don't think the doctors should decide without at least a second opinion.

Keep us posted.

Judy in KW

[fillise]

Hi

My mom was 76 when she was diagnosed and is 80 now. The chemo was doable for her. It really does depend more on her overall health status than on her age. At the very least, I'd seek a second opinion. At some point you are going to have to tell your mom because she is really the only one who can make the decision on whether to undergo treatment or even any more tests.

Susan

[Willowjoi]

I dont know what to say ...You are some of the bravest people I have ever encountered. Mama came out of intensive care yesterday but we have a long road ahead. She hasn't walked for over a month and standing on her feet alone is difficult for her. We are taking her to a geriatric oncologist at Moffitt in Tampa as soon as she get stronger which means I will have to place her in a rehab for a few weeks. We met with another Oncologist who is doing some gene testing to see if mom can take a drug called Tarceva? He also stated something I found very interesting. I asked him point blank what happens if we just do nothing? He said that he has had some stage IV adnocarcinoma patients come walking in a year later with no additional disease. He also stated that he has had other patients that only made it 6 months without treatment. He said he sees miracles everyday. Well so do I so I can't give up. I think I have cried more tears in the past few days then I have cried in my entire life! Seven years ago I was diagnosed with stage 3-4 Hep C and cirhosis of the liver I can tell you I went through 54 weeks of chemo and really only cried the day I was diagnosed. But with mom I am like a two year old child...Crying all the time. Its so hard because everyday with her dementia she says "I feel better can we leave this Hotel now? I really feel good and want to go shopping" and all I can think of is that one day soon I will have to tell her ...or not. We shall see. Please pray for us and I will pray for each and everyone of you. God Bless All of you.

[Treebywater]

I was going to ask (or really more wonder aloud) about Tarceva. I'm glad they're looking into that as an option as from what I understand it's milder, but still very effective for many folks!!

I am praying for you and your Mom. Your game plan sounds good for talking to docs and getting the most information. You are advocating so well for her.

[Joppette]

I wish for the best for you and pray for you and your Mom. It really is so difficult when they are 90, with dementia, and now this complication. I pray for peace, and healing.

Judy in MI

[fillise]

I'm glad you mom is out of ICU and will be seeing a geriatric oncologist. He is right there are people with very slow growing cancers who do well for long periods of time without treatment. You will feel better knowing you mom's case is being reviewed by someone who can take into account your mom's age, health and diagnosis inrecommending the next steps.

I went into a months long depression after my mom was diagnosed. In some ways I think I reacted more negatively than she did to her diagnosis. It's normal and you will learn the "new normal."

Susan

[Willowjoi]

Thank You Thank You Thank You..

Happy Mothers Day everyone!

Have to tell you I am a business professional workaholic

and always "on" so to speak. All I do is cry now. Went to pick up flowers, cards, etc. and just collapsed in the middle of the Halmark Card Store.Everyone just stared.. I sobbed in the store until I could make it out to the car. This new reality sucks I know I have to be strong..since she doesn't know she is so incredibly happy..she keeps telling the doctors how good she feels..I guess thats the blessing really. But then these sadistic docs keep coming in saying don't get overly excited she is going to die anyway...I an talking day after day after day. Finally yesterday I yelled at one and said "yes we know and so is your mother and so are we" We are all going to die one day but you truly need to just stop rubbing our noses in it" This Hospital life is another thing entirely..2 months today.

God Bless All of You...Val

[jaminkw]

Willow, I don't know if you are a mother but know this will be a special Mother's Day for you with your Mom.

Right on giving those drs the business! I say people get away with the things they say and do and repeat them over and over because people allow them too. Enough of the "no bedside manner" excuses, you are absolutely correct to tell them they are rubbing your nose in it if they insist on repeating over and over what they cannot predict in time anyway. Hang in there.

Judy in KW

[eric byrne]

Hi Willow,

Sorry to read about the experience with doctors casual and unkind remarks,I have received similar treatment myself from a doctor who refused to sign me fit to work,after I told him about being depressed from cabin fever at home,lacking human company,he told me to spend quality time with my wife instead,since I only had 2 years left to live,I accidentally bumped into him recently and he complemented me on how well I was looking,I replied well not bad for someone who has only six months left to live,and he said "Who told you that?" I replied "You did"" no I didnt" he said looking somewhat embarassed he excused himself and walked away before I had time to include a reminder of his rejoinder,about a previous lung cancer patient of his surviving 5 years ,what a character he was the doctor says adding -but you are not him.

Willow please disregard these uncaring idiots,focus instead of the pleasure you have in your mothers company,no one knows how many days,weeks,months or years each of us have, except God