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I did it to myself


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I did it and I wasn't aware of it until it was too late. I visited Dr Google 😨

   My mood usually goes down when my wife leaves for work. So I started thinking about my needle biopsy into my 5 cm mass that showed no cancer cells. They only showed dead cells. The thoracic surgeon gave me some more information last Friday that I didn't have. He said that the biopsy according to the films of how the biopsy showed him that it was taken from the middle of the mass. If you can picture this the biopsy results showed up just like a giant zit. There was evidence of cell activity on the surface of the mass because the PET scan showed it. However just like in a zit the mass was dead inside. 

  So I ended up going to Dr Google to see if cancerous cells are alive all the way through. In other words I was searching for good news. But the only thing I ended up with was no results from my search and an even worse mood dive. 

  There is nothing worse for me than desperately looking for good news by going to Dr Google. Now I have to dig myself out of this emotional pit I dug for myself

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Hi Irwin-

Time to get out the shovel and start digging!  😉Unfortunately the worst part of this whole process is working through the diagnostic procedures.  It’s agony for everyone, takes longer than it should however at the end of the day we will have a battle plan.  

I got some valuable advice here early on: try not to worry about something until you have something to worry about.  One of my recently diagnosed ALK peers had a physician provide a very stern warning about Dr Google.  It’s not our friend.... go out for a walk, make a smoothie, read a book or power up something on Netflix/streaming... do anything....   

Hour by hour... 


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I'm watching a baseball game. What I did was a form of denial. I have been strong and going with the program. Mistake was made in thoughts. I had such a good morning with my wife and I still haven't experienced any symptoms with a 5,cm mass. It's easy for me to feel like I am in my pre cancer life. And in a moment of weakness I started looking for reasons to rationalize myself out of my circumstances. It's very painful to get into the true reality that I am in. 

   I may have double posted this thread. I really need to get out my laptop because my phone really doesn't to a good job


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  • 1 month later...


Okay, time to take a deep breath and get off the "blame train". There is enough in life to beat us up so we don't need to do it ourselves.  You learned the lesson, now move on. This is a time to be a friend to yourself and not become frustrated because you made a mistake. 

Diagnosis is a difficult time for everyone so know that you are not alone. Stay focused on what you know and not what might be. Find things to do that are satisfying to you and ignore the urges to "go to Google U medical school". I know what it is like to "catastrophize" the situation and the results are never pretty. 

Stay busy and find some peace of mind in whatever way works best for you. You'll get through this and know that we're all pulling for you. 


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It sounds like you are in the same sitaution as my husband.  My husband had a needle biopsy of  thre lymph nodes in his chest on 7/15.  After the procedure the thoracic surgeon told us the lymph node looked suspicious for cancer and that he most likely had stage iiia cancer as he also has a 1.1 cm nodule in his lung that lite up during a PET scan.  She went on to say he could require chemo and the removal of his upper left lung.    We received a call on 7/23 @ 4 PM from  a nurse a MSK stating the biopsy of all 3 lymph nodes were non-cancerous.   We were happy for the news and then asked what was the next step.  Well the thoracic surgeon called at 6 PM to say the good new is we haven't found cancer yet but the biopsy of one of the lymph nodes showed dead cells so now they want to do a procedure called a mediastinoscopy where they will essentially take samples of the lymph node and then examin them for cancer.   The surgeon said this could be some crazy inflamation or it could be cancer.

After that call I could see a change in my husband just looked upset and depressed.  I tell him all the time just live your life one day at a time.  Have a positive attitude and we will deal with whatever this is.  

I do I agree the waiting is awful and the up and downs are horrible as well.

Hang in there Irwin hopefully you will have answers soon.


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