Guest Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 I am posting as a guest cos sometimes my mom reads the board.My dad is a good man, but I don't think he is cut out to take care of my mom at all. He has no patience and doesnt know what to do. I live over 400 miles away. I plan to take FMLA when the time comes, but I just know she has more than 90 days--God I hope so. She is lost. She had only lived in the area a few months before DX and she is a private person. My parents can barely afford the medicine let alone a nurse. I have to work to help pay the medicines. I am only 27 and don't make a lot either. They lost their house and may lose their rental too. So I must keep my job. My mom needs someone to help her. Dad travels--and has cut down some but is afraid if he cuts down too much he will lose his job--and what insurance they have. He is in sales. He hasn't been with that company long--about a year. He came before mom came and she hadn't found a job yet when she arrived. I am so scared for both of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Dear Guest...........so sorry to hear about this situation. Lung cancer is hard enough without financial worries. Just a thought......does your Mom have any life insurance? If so, she might be able to pull some of it out now while she is living. My Dad is doing this. Right now, financially he is fine. He is thinking ahead. His policy has a clause to where he can pull out his basic life insurance without much of a penalty. (I think his penalty is going to be around $2000) He checked on a viatical settlement for the remainder of his life insurance, but it was waaaaaaaaay to costly. There are also agencies that will help with things like power bills, etc. Another option, our local Hospice pays for all medications that are prescribed for the priamary diagnosis of lung cancer. Your Mom may not seem to need Hospice care now, but it could benefit you guys financially. You could check with your Dad's insurance to see how Hospice is covered. (Some cover hospice care at 100%) These are just some random thoughts......hope they help. Hoping and praying for better days for you and your family. Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cheri Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Dear Guest, You may want to contact her oncologist and request home health care services for your mother if Hospice is not yet needed. I was an Administrator of a home health agency a few years ago and we provided nursing, aide, and therapy services to many cancer patients. Most home health agencies also have a social worker on staff to help with finances and community assistance. Your Dad's private insurance will probably pay for it...does she qualify for SSI or Medicare? I am guessing not, but you can have your Dad check his policy for coverage. If he isn't able, I would still have a social worker at the hospital check into it for you. There are also many agencies that accept Medicaid and/or reduced payment for services rendered. There are many benefits out there that your mother may qualify for...hope this helps. If I can help you any further, send me a PM and I'll do whatever I can. God Bless. Cheri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Thank you two for posting. I checked with my mom and yes they pulled out what life insurance they could. She didn't have much cos they let some go during a financial setback. She does have a social worker helping--but apparently, like so many people, their income falls in the low middle class where there isn't a lot of help available. I guess I was hoping my mom's illness would pull the two of them together, but it hasn't. I was reading some articles yesterday and I saw where there was a study that said that men had a harder time being "caregivers" and were more likely to leave their spouses who had a Dx of cancer. I think the study was done on brain cancer, but I am sure it is similar for others. It is just so sad because my dad is a good person, but I am a little angry about how things are working out--or not working out. My mom is sooo sad and I feel so helpless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I bet there are agencies in the town where they live that help with these expenses. One of them needs to go to the church they attend and ask for help. If they do not have a church they attend then the closest Catholic church has a Catholic Charities I bet. Where I am from we set up a Benevolence Fund that is for our county. The local churches and private individuals donate money to it then when someone goes to the church for help, they send them to us. We (the volunters) help with financial needs and are able to send them to other agencies that are also able to assist. Usually the Catholic Church knows of agencies like these so that is a good place to start. Good luck. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cheri Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 As Cindy stated in her post, you can check with churches in your area to see if they will be willing to help. Check for Catholic Social Services. Also, many individual churches have volunteers who are trained to sit with the elderly or infirmed...most volunteers have a medical background or some type of health care training; however, some provide it as a ministry, too, and don't have a healthcare background. Either way, it may give your Dad some relief and your mother a companion and helper. There are many pharmaceutical companies that offer medications for free for those who qualify. Look at your mom's med bottles and contact the manufacturers via internet...most have information posted and you can fill out applications online. You can also have the social worker do this for you, but I have learned that it is best to do it yourself if possible! You can also contact local community colleges that have healthcare studies and see if credits can be given for volunteer hours. Maybe someone would be interested in helping your parents and have on the job training, so to speak. I did have one patient in the past that had someone help her and the volunteer/student received credit. Hope this helps. Cheri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Hi, I share your concern, and feel your stress. The advice about the social services available through the community and the churches (or jewish social services) is good, and is an avenue that can be explored by telephone from a distance if necessary. When cancer causes major household up heavals like this, its just one more darned thing to worry about and add stress to an already stressed family, who has REALLY important things to concern themselves with. Do what you can, when you can, and meanwhile shake some of those church and social service bushes and see what you can start. Perhaps one of the offices at the church or social services can get on the phone for you, and see what can be done. Perhaps the American Cancer Society volunteers would help, or be able to recommend someone who could. You all are not alone. There is a world full of caring people out there, and somehow you just need to find the connection. I hope your family does connect with people who can assist, and lighten the burden you are carrying. You are in our prayers... XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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