Pamela Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I am in Texas with my Dad this weekend, and I know in my heart it may be the last time I see him alive. I finally located a Internet connection today so I could check on this board, and discovered three heartbreaking losses. I cried when I read about Don's mother, only to read further and read about TBone and then Rob. By the time I finished reading those, I was broken with grief for people I've never met and families I know are hurting today. Dad is lying in the bed next to me right now. When he wakes up, he yells out in pain because his back hurts so bad. We've had to double his pain medication in the last 24 hours. He has been in the same position now for about 18 hours because when we try to reposition him, as gently as we can, he begs us not to touch him. My Dad has been in my life all my life and I cannot imagine that day when he will be gone. I am looking at him sleeping now with tears running down my face. I don't want to say good-bye when I have to return to Missouri tomorrow. I don't want him to hang around in pain, either. But it doesn't really matter what I want. I cannot keep him no matter how hard I try. Peggy, you wanted to know why you should come to this board. Please let me be one of the reasons. I need the support and encouragement of this group of people as I face this horrible time. And when I have come through it, I very much want to help someone else along the path. It is a sad, sad day. But I am grateful to have this place to come. Well, Dad is moaning in pain again. I must go. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Oh, Pam, I am so sorry. Your post brings tears to my eyes. I can so identify with what you are going through. I lost my dad on June 25, not to lc, but to COPD, another lung disease. He would be fairly comfortable until they would have to move him to clean him up and he would hurt so bad and be so uncomfortable that his face would turn the color of a beet. It was a different kind of pain, though, and I'm sure not anything like the agonizing pain your dad is having in his back. I'm so sorry. Some people on here have gone to or contacted hospice facilities to get pain relief. I didn't know it before, but apparently, hospice isn't just for the final days of life, but also for pain management. Have you looked into that? There are so many, many ways to control pain these days, that there is just no excuse for your dad to have this much pain. You might need to get a bit aggressive with the health care providers and insist that something be done now. He should not have to go through another night with this kind of pain. Yes, Pam, I will be here for you, as well as so many others on this board. I was just blasted so hard with the deaths here this week, and so soon after my dad's death, that it just sent me reeling. I'm really ok now, and here for you and anyone else that wants to talk to me. All my love and prayers, and PLEASE get cracking on getting the attention level elevated to HIGH ALERT for your precious dad. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pamela, I don't know what to tell you but to hang in there and pray. Prayer for me helps me find peace, and maybe it can help you with that. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what else to say. Reading your post made me feel so sad for you and for your precious Dad. Take care and God Bless, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam, I am so sorry. My prayers are with you all. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam, I just read these newest posts and wanted to apologize. When I posted above, I didn't realize you had already called Hospice. I am still so sorry that you are having to deal with this, and I am sorry you have to leave him tomorrow. My prayers are with you, and I still think they should be able to do something to stop his pain. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam, I'm so sorry to hear that your father is suffering this way, and you suffering to see him hurt so bad. I can't imagine how you must feel to have to leave. I don't know what to say except that I care and I am thinking of you and praying for you both. BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam, My heart goes out to you, not only for your father's pain, but also for yours. I too live far from my father and have made three emergency trips. The last time I was told that he would not live long enough for me to get there. He was on a ventilator for 5 days and amazingly, he is back home, playing golf and doing well. I know the outcome may not be the same for your dad, but I also know that your being there with him has made a difference. He knows you love him; you've had the chance to show him. We never know when we say good-bye to someone, if it will be the last time, no matter the age or health. Just say what is in your heart. Your father will understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam I am so sorry that your dad is suffering physical pain and that you are suffering emotional pain. I know my words can't take either away. Even though these words sound lame, please know that the feelings that morivate them are real and deep. You never have to say goodbye to your dad. He will live on and on in your memories. love elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Pam, I cant imagine how you feel as when my Brother was ill I was only 3 hours away and could go anytime I wanted. I was there a lot. I just dont know what it could be like to have to leave him like this. Is there any way you can stay on longer?? At least long enough for them to get his pain managable? We are all here for you Sweetie . Please always remember that. My prayers for your Dad and you are on their way up. God Bless You Both, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Pam Thinking of you and your Dad, and hoping for comfort for the both of you. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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