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Michelle, How do I deal with stress? Well treatment mayhem taught me a lot, and in truth, I didn't learn overnight. The short version is reading about Dr. Phil Bearman and his treatment experience on line. He enjoyed every day possible because he decided that he wasn't going to let cancer take over his life. The long version is in my book. I just try to live in the day. The only future I think about is a planned vacation. I try and find something I enjoy every day and take time to appreciate the joy. Most days it is little things. I live simply and when something attempts to complicate, I just ignore it. I can't control the outcome of my whole life and I'd fall apart if I tried. I can control the next minute, several hours, and most days, a whole day. So that is where I live, in the day. Stay the course. Tom

Michelle, A spouse's lung cancer diagnosis always leaves one feeling hopeless. The only comfort I can offer is that on this forum, we all understand what you are feeling. We are all lung cancer survivors or take care of those afflicted. I'll confine my remarks to cancer. I can't begin to offer financial advice; I don't even take my own! I am assuming the immunotherapy drug Keytruda did not have an effect. Your husband's cancer likely displays the biomarker EGFR because his suggested treatment of Tarceva is an EGFR inhibitor. Tarceva can work. Have you contacted Genentech and requested financial assistance in paying for the drug? Here is the website for financial assistance application. What should you be doing? Don't do what I did by wasting valuable life fretting about when I was going to die. If your husband isn't feeling that bad, do something enjoyable. Here is an essay I wrote a while back that points to the importance of living. Welcome here. Look around at our profiles, and you'll see many of us were in dire straits. Yet some, not all, found a way out. I'm hoping you and your husband are among those that find the way out. Stay the course. Tom

Marian, You have a good plan. Support groups helped me because they allowed me opportunity to help others cope by sharing my experience. Stay the course. Tom

Being the caregiver is a tough role. Not to make it about me, but here is my situation: I'm an only child, married, no kids so my husband is my caregiver. My parents live about 4 hours away, and my mom wants to be here for every chemo and appointment. Her biggest obstacle is that she is my dad's caregiver so being here all the time just isn't feasible. On infusion days, I'm joined by my friends. My husband joins me at appointments. When my husband and I go for scan results, he steps out to text Mom as soon as the oncologist provides the results. She checks with him to see how I'm doing, and he sometimes runs interference for other well-meaning friends and family. All that to say we've found what works for us. It can be a delicate balance for all involved and there are no easy answers. You do have to take care of yourself first, or you won't be able to take care of your wife.

Jephkay, My wife kept my extended family informed by a nightly (while in the hospital) or weekly (while in chemo) broadcast email. She encouraged folks not to call during my surgical recovery but to text her phone and she read the texts to me while in the hospital. She also told folks not to call during the middle week of my chemo. The middle week of my three week cycle was when I had side-effects and she again used the text and read system. So broadcast emails daily while hospitalized and weekly while in radiation and chemo. My surgical recovery was really trying so we disconnected my hospital phone to avoid me trying to answer a phone while encumbered with tubes and stitches. Stay the course. Tom

Dave, Ice cream was the answer to my raw throat after radiation. Chocolate mint ice cream. Sometimes, I'd let it melt a little before eating. Made my throat feel good and put the pounds on.... Stay the course. Tom

Good morning, Dave. Thanks for the update! I finished 30 radiation treatments at the end of May. While I didn't have many side effects, the fatigue did me in. I continued to work (at home) through treatment and spent my "lunch hour" napping. Once you've finished all of your treatments, you'll start to bounce back - your appetite will come back, the throat will begin to heal. Then you can be the handsome, fit guy staring back from the mirror. I'm currently going through the hair loss. Every time I take a breath, more falls out. I may take matters into my own hands this weekend and just take it all off. Besides, it's hot in Fort Worth! Sounds like you have a fantastic support system. I believe that is the key to success when defeating cancer. Hang in there and please continue to update us.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I have a feeling you folks and I are going to get very acquainted going forward. Dawn and I learned yesterday that she might not be able to go back to work immediately, but her boss (Dr. Shelly) has promised to hold her job for her. I set up a gofundme page for her lost wages only (if there are bigger bills that insurance won't cover, there might be another!). I won't share the link here, you all have been through enough. I remember her holding my hand just before my bladder cancer surgery back in 2008. I can't compare my run of cancer to hers. I went to Westview twice... cancer gone. However, the look in her eyes during those visits and the ones following can't have been any different than the way I look at her now. She's the center of my universe. I will find the strength to dig into this and help her go on. I'll lean on you guys a bit in the process and I encourage you to dump on me when you need it. Maybe she's coming home today. I'm taking clean clothes to Franciscan just in case. She was taken to the hospital in her laying about attire; a too-big t-shirt a pair of sweatpants that have seen so many better days. That woman does love to recline, covered in cats and stared at by an adoring hound. (I myself have been exiled to the loveseat by the animals. That will change.) We have a battle cry. It is based on the notion that everyone dies, but Dawn? NOT TODAY!

Well, the good news is - today (July 5) was my last day of chemo I did 7 of them. I still have 6 more radiation treatments, I'll have 35 when I'm done with them. My throat feels like rough sand paper inside, even though have meds that are supposed to deaden the pain of swallowing food, it still hurts to swallow anything and the taste of food isn't there either. I drink the enlive, ensure and boost, ugh, but I can only get 1 bottle a day down. I've lost a total of 47 lbs. I gain back 5 and then lose 3, and then I gain back 3 and lose 4, and it just keeps going like that. My clothes don't fit at all and when I look in the mirror, this strange skinny old man stares back at me. I've lost a lot of muscle mass and that is going to be tough to get back I'm sure. My hair was falling out in patches, really looked bad. I have lost more than half my hair, so the wife cut it real short. It just falls out all the time, standing at the counter in the kitchen, it's like sprinkling hair everywhere. Radiation treatment is now in the boost stage, I guess that's when they narrow the beam and it's more intensive on the cancer. I just hope it's working. I don't have any energy but the wife keeps me going and the support of my friends has been a great help. Well, so goes it and it just seems to be repeating the same thing. Take care everyone, DragonKing (Dave)

Jephkay, I'm so very sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis and I well understand you feeling alone and trapped. My wife felt the same way when I was diagnosed with lung cancer on February 4, 2004. But after the mayhem of 3 failed surgeries and 18 infusions of Taxol and Carboplatin chemotherapy. I'm still here and if I can live, so can you wife. Doctors are formulating your wife's treatment plans that may include both radiation and chemotherapy. I advise you take the time to read into the disease so you are prepared to help your wife make the right treatment choices. Here is some introductory information on radiation and chemotherapy you may find interesting. Has your wife's cancer been biopsied? I ask because you didn't disclose her type of cancer and various types have different treatment approaches including newly discovered advanced treatments called targeted therapy and immunotherapy. You'll have a ton of questions as her treatment plan is established and this is a good place to ask. Stay the course. Tom

I think many of us are right there with you. I am a daughter/caretaker of my mom who is currently going through a diagnosis of a recurrence of lung cancer. The unknown is the worst for me. Once we had a treatment plan in place, we were able to look toward the future (we will hopefully have a treatment plan today for the recurrence). I hope that you will find the same as you go through this process. Statistics are grim, but know that they are OLD statistics. I find solace in hearing from those who are survivors on these forums. It gives a bit of hope in all of the darkness. As a caregiver, please remember to take care of yourself in all ways (easier said than done, I know!). It's okay to take time for yourself. It's okay to cry or to be pissed off. Active members on these forums are here for you and have been a big help to me. I hope you are able to stay in touch as time allows and keep us updated.

Good morning. Go ahead and be mad and frustrated and speechless; get it out and then get ready to fight. My first bit of advice? Don't look too closely at the statistics. They do not consider your wife's overall health. They are an aggregate of patients diagnosed 5 years ago, before we had all of the additional treatment options that we have now. They don't reflect the individuals who opted out of treatment during the process, or never took the treatment. Besides, if any of us gave any credence to the statistics, we'd all be in our respective corners crying. You'll find many long term survivors on this forum. Some of them should have died, statistically speaking, 10+ years ago. Given the location of your wife's tumors, do her docs have a plan for treatment? My oncologist tells me that they are having great success with radiation for the brain. Any chemo or surgery on the horizon? Let us know how we can help you. We're here.

Well, don't go heaping guilt on yourself. Neither one of you could have prevented your wife's cancer. I'm very new to this myself (surgery next week), so I can't give you any helpful cancer-related information or advice. I CAN tell you, though, that if you want to be there for your wife, it's critical for you to take good care of yourself, too. Make sure you stay on top of your work with your therapist and do whatever is recommended to maintain your own stability. There are so many advances in cancer treatment she could be around for a long time to come. Sending support and hugs.

Terri, Sorry I am late responding. I agree with the suggestions for palliative care and hospice. Here is some information on palliative care to help you understand its purpose and intent. My wife and I investigated hospice care for me after a fourth line treatment recurrence. We'd had a very frank discussion of the alternatives with my primary care physician and oncologist who both thought that was the right approach. I am very sorry about your mother's condition and hope she recovers from the infections quickly. Stay the course. Tom

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Terri. I agree with Susan that palliative care is a good idea. Also, if it truly looks like no treatment is possible and she only has a few weeks left, please look into hospice. I've seen hospice services provide care and comfort for several people and their families. One was my own mom, who went into hospice less than a week before her death. She had metastatic breast cancer, with spread all over her body. She came out of the hospital where they could do nothing for her and went to a wonderful place where they kept her pain free in a dignified and respectful way.. I slept there on the couch--I had comefrom another state. All in all, it was a positive experience. Of course you are scared and don't know what to do. I wish comfort for both you and your mother. It's good that you are there for her. Bridget

Good morning, Terri. I'm so sorry that your family has to deal with this. Cancer stinks. The toll it takes on both patients and family is horrible. Have any of your mom's physicians discussed palliative (not hospice) care? If not, ask what is available. The care provided can give your mom some relief from her symptoms while her docs try meds. We're here for you. Please let us know if you have any questions or if we can assist you in any way.

Actually, there are some great caregiver resources here: https://www.lungevity.org/for-patients-caregivers/caregiver-resource-center

OK, false alarm. At least I don't have to change the title of the thread. Surgery IS scheduled for the 10th. After I got no call back from hospital staff for whom I'd left messages, I called my surgeon's cell (which he had given me and urged me to call "any time"). He said when we first met he had them put it down for the 13th because there was a long procedure he had scheduled for that day, but that that had been rescheduled, so it WAS the 10th, as he had told me. Whew--I am now reassured that I don’t have a brain tumor that’s making me hallucinate. I was questioning HOW I could have imagined the wrong date!

John, Welcome here. No one deserves to get lung cancer. Yes, there are behavior associations but the only fundamental requirement for a lung cancer diagnosis is a pair of lungs. In the event you've not started your research about small cell lung cancer, here is a good first pass resource. Immunotherapy discoveries are also having an impact on small cell lung cancer. Read about this promising method here. And, radiation remains a very effective treatment means enhanced by new methods -- SBRT and IMRT that are explained here. I was one of the first Dallas area patients to receive newly approved SBRT radiation (CyberKnife) for my lung cancer in 2007 and it likely saved my life. You might discuss all these alternatives at your forthcoming consult with your medical oncologist. At this juncture, I'd like to suggest you listen to Stephen Jay Gould's essay "The Median Isn't The Message" here. Gould was a noted Harvard Evolutionary Biologist who was diagnosed with an almost always fatal form of lung cancer -- mesothelioma. Reading this in 2006 while I was in the throws of treatment, after many failures, and onset of severe depression, changed my prospective and likely saved my life. My treatment experience was long and arduous. But many of us here have endured similar treatment journeys and are still alive. So your take away from this point is: if we can live, so can you. You'll likely have many questions as you start your treatment and this is a good place to ask. Stay the course. Tom