Ann

How many live indoor plants do you have?

So very sorry for your loss, Michele.

Gotta love those rednecks!!!

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

At what temperature do you usually keep your thermostat set? How cold does it have to be inside before you turn your heat on?

I'll be joining you this morning for prayer.

All your questions are finally answered: MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED (Research done by the AARP Legal Department) Q . What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions? A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q . My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick? A . You really shouldn't do that. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office? A . Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot. Q . Will health care be different in the next decade? A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then. To Your Good Health (because as you'll see, you'll need it!) ============================================ A HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION with Dr. Kenmiester: Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to If you have two bodies , your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about the medical profession

Thinking of you this morning Grace. You, Carlton and the girls remain in my prayers. God has really big shoulders so just try and rest some of your worries on Him.

There are a lot of new members on this board and sometimes our profiles just don't say too much about us. So, in order to really get to know each other a bit better, let's share about who we are. I'll start. I'm Ann and I live in central Florida, on the east coast. I'm employed as an office manager for a construction company. I lost my husband, Dennis, to sclc in 2002, so I can relate to cancer from a caregivers standpoint. I have three grown sons, two daughter-in-laws and 1 new grandaughter. Last year, I remarried a wonderful man that has been so helpful in helping our family to "mend" after losing Dennis. I love animals and will rescue almost any animal that needs a home. Right now, I have a golden retriever, two doxies, 4 cats and a parrot. I love being creative and have a small craft business that is my "other work." I am just about to complete training to volunteer at our local Hospice House. I think this will be so very rewarding. So...tell us about you!!

Gotta love him!!!!

How beautiful. Thanks so much for reminding that our loved ones are with us.

Shirley, thank you so very much for this beautiful post. My mother has been gone for 23 years now and I still miss everything about her. When I lost my mom, I felt that I had lost the only person in this world that loved me unconditionally.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know what a shock this be for you. Please know that we are all here for you, should you need us.

Underwear Is Very Important. If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead! Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Happy Ground Hog Day !!! Since central Florida has been bombarded by tornadoes overnight, I thought today would be a day to talk about weather. We're still under tornado warnings here, so say a little prayer, please. What are the worst weather conditions you have ever been in?

Beth...you have to be kidding!!! I can hardly remove the cork with a corkscrew, much less using only one hand. But...I do like Kaseys comment about using teeth!

WOW, Rich. I had no idea you could do that! Both Ginny and I learned something from you today. Well, I guess I'll keep the answer under my hat so that others can get Google experience today...lol!

After trying this move several times, I figured I was wasting too many eggs, so I gave up. But, after reading the posts that Kasey and Ginny made, I may try again with a glass of wine in the other hand! Hey...it's bound to help!

** Church Bulletin Bloopers ** ** Volunteers are needed to spit up food at the food bank. ** Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess nominations will be accepted at the next business meeting. ** There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week. ** Child care provided with reservations. ** Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat. ** I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me drink. ** The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. ** The Boars of Trustees will meet next Thursday at 6:00 p.m. ** The activity will take place on the church barking lot. ** Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy! ** Hymn: I am Thin, O Lord.

A Riddle You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? *

OH YAH, OH YAH!!!!! It's Flu Season!!! How To Avoid It Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of Fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because Exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, and Go for a swim. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, Keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible. Try to eliminate as much stress From your life as you can. Get plenty of rest. OR Take your doctor's approach. Think about it... When you go for a shot, What do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol... Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS. So....... I walk to the liquor store. (exercise) I put lime in my Corona...(fruit) Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies) Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air) Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress) Then pass out. (rest) The way I see it... If you keep your alcohol levels up, Flu germs can't get you! My grandmother always said, "A shot in the glass Beats one in the a$$ Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much

Can you hold an egg and crack it into a bowl, using only one hand?

figured we need some lite humor.... Hypnotist A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself -- and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache'. And...it worked, the headaches are all gone!" The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later -- and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral services will be held on Monday.

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer", says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road"?!, asks the Officer.. "Oh, those are my emergency flashers", she replied.