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Everything posted by myagle2

  1. Hi, and I understand, 3 years and it still hurts, way too much. I wish that you get better than I have, I wish that you get over it faster than I have, and most of all, I wish you the best! Mary
  2. I have been here daily, and I mean daily.but never post anymore, I guess because I feel I had nothing to offer since I lost my husband, my soulmate and have gone to another venture in my life, where I had to take care of me. It has not worked well for me, and Iam not sure why. I still go to work everyday, well I have to, ha ha, as we all do, but, but the dating scene, does not work for me either, not sure why, shouldnt it start to feel better? I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life, but its not getting any better, what is it I want? I do not know. I have had interested people say I have a problem, I need to be over this, I agree,I swear, I do feel I have a problem, but, I cant get there!! I hope, That I dont feel this way the rest of my life, and I am alone the rest of my life??!! Mary
  3. Iam so sorry for your loss, and all I can say is I understand. Keep posting. Mary
  4. myagle2


    Nova, So very sorry for your loss of Harry. Mary
  5. myagle2

    It's strange

    Teri, Getting close to the one year mark here, and I must say, you are all dead on. Iam the "funny" one at work, great sence of humor, always have. When I come home, its a different thing, reality hits, Iam alone, and stay in and hide, its horrible, horrible, and Iam not good at being alone, cause I have never been my whole life.My only salvation right now is this board, thank god, you all understand, cause most people just dont. Mary
  6. myagle2

    cindi o'h

    dear, dear cindy. she emaied me many times with her encouragement on my husbands many trials and other, or should I say mine, as the caregiver, she was wonderfull, and always upbeat, I did not know her, yet i did, she was great, she helped me. I never understood what happened to her, or why she left, missed her emails, dear cindi, I hope you meet my dear husband, Danny in your travels, and tell him that I miss him, and now you also, and you are now both free. Mary
  7. myagle2

    Today In History

    RANDY/ (((((((((((i SO uNDERSTAND! mARY:D
  8. OMG- Itotally agree, Its very hard to get into the normal streem of things. I understand, in the real life of things, its very hard for me right now.!!!!!! I am praying for you, stay strong, Mary
  9. myagle2

    Still married

    Teri, Understood. Iam a few days over the two month mark, and yes I am still married. Widow?, I can hardly think the word, much less say it out loud. Hard, hard days. But I am trying, as I have to. Good luck to you, Mary
  10. Hawkeye, I dont post much, but your post jumped out at me. I must say, I should have done more for myself, and i didnt, should have. Some times I didnt want to come home from work, so overwhelmed. You absolutely should not feel that sometimes you need to get away from it, make you feel quilty, wish now I hadnt. Boy what ya learn, after you have gone through it. Do things, get away from it when you can, or it will consume you. Does not mean you do not love, hope, or wish you could make it better. Good Luck. stay strong. Mary
  11. myagle2

    News about Bill

    Terri, My condolences, Surprized at his passing. All I can tell you is, he is finally free of this horrible disease. I understand, period. Mary
  12. Carleen, I have read your post, and can not see past my tears, so like Kasey, I had to come back, and rewrite my post, as I was soooo overwhelmed in grief, for you, and for me. My god, I so understand, I am so very sorry you cant get past your grief, neither can I, and I am trying. I loved my husband more than life itself,and although my husband was not as young as yours, he was my life for 29 years. I feel like I have been left alone in this ugly world to make decisions I never had to make, and doing things I never had to do, because he always took care of things for me. Iam so glad you posted, as I have been waiting and watching. Peace for you, I hope you start to see some light. Mary
  13. Cindy, I get it, i really do. Iam at less than two months, and I have already begun the process of trying to get myself out of this situation. By that I mean cleaning up my house of all reminders. It might sound harsh, but his disease had me sooo consumed for soo long, I had to keep active, stay at work, something, anything, because I took care of a very sick person for so long, I did not what to do with myself right after he passed. I had and still have so much pain with his passing, that I just dont know what to do anymore. This is hard, but not as hard as watching him slowly die of something I could not control. My best wishes and prayers to you. Mary
  14. Cindy, My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My hospice experience was not as bad as yours, but it was not the greatest either. He is now free. Mary
  15. Snoopyfin, Boy this is exactly where I was, I understand, and will tell you my experience, whether it be a help or not. My husband, Danny was exactly where you are talking about, hospice was here, and as on que, the weekend came and hospice is only on call, well they had me giving him sooo many meds, it was horrible, (yea, I know to keep him comfortable). But it was so hard that I got so stressed out, because he was getting so bad. Combative, restless, nasty, wanted to get out of the house, etc, etc. I just kept calling them to come. Period. They did and spent almost the whole weekend here till he finally passed on sunday night. I UNDERSTAND, trust me.If you need to talk, I will try to help you. Mary
  16. So very sorry, my prayers are with her. I sooo hate this disease. Mary
  17. myagle2

    Hi Everyone!

    HI Becky, and welcome. I too lost my husband in May of this year, he fought stage 4 for 2 plus years. I agree with you as his suffering and pain was , at times unbearable to watch. I think he is now free, and I am in the awfull place right now, hope I soon get over that. Good luck Mary
  18. myagle2


    Tanner, Iam so sorry for your loss. Mary
  19. I hear ya, boy do I hear ya. I TOTALLY understand. Prayers for you, today. Try to stay strong. Mary
  20. Iam also feeling sorry for myself, and my daughter because of fathers day. Here is a funny story, well as funny asit can be. Danny, my husband would never get me a mothers day card, he said I was not his mother. lol. I used to say that that was just plain rude, because I was the mother of his daughter. Well he just never did, so I retalitated by not getting him a fathers day card, lol! Where will I be tomorrow? Putting some very nice flowers on his grave! As it should be. Best wishes to all who are going to struggle a little tomorrow. Mary
  21. all I an add at this point, is enjoy your time together now, because now is what counts, good luck, and try to stay strong in your path.! Mary
  22. Ya know, grieving is such a horrible word, did ya ever think about it? Do we do it, yes we do, does it go away, no it wont for me, do I show it, no i dont, i cant, I have things to do, work to go to, things to take care of, etc. I was going through all the papers you have to, and doing all the phone calls, etc, and in the fire proof box, that we kept all our important stuff was a cd wrapped in plain brown paper, marked, Mary, when I am gone, was a tape of James Blunt----Back to Bedlum, with Youre beautiful, and good bye my lover, unreal, Its hard to talk about, and even harder to play. I have played it once, and thats it for now.! I guess what I am trying to say is, that was a surprize, as he was not a big time emotional person, but that tape is, what a surprize. {lease, please tell me that he is really in a better place, because this just truly is haunting me, is it true, that he lives on????????? I sure hope so, he deserves it! Mary
  23. myagle2


    Flowergirlie, Isnt it something how everyone has something to say, be it the right or wrong thing? Its ok to me, I have always had trouble with that kind of situation, and what to say. Here is what I keep getting. "You are really doing good, Iam surprized". Ah , ok, ! Iam a person who has to keep busy, always have been. For 2 plus years, I have been working full time, taking care of a house with a lot of land, so on, ANYWAY, I have to keep going, at this point. THey dont see me when I am alone, its a little different then. And ya know what, after watching hime die for the last two months, and I mean suffer, this is the easy part. Maybe thats why I am doing so well. He is finally free, and thats why I am doing so well! Mary
  24. First off, Iam sorry you are where you are. My thoughts are with you. My husband took a bad turn in April/May, and I started with home care nurses twice a week. EVERYBODY including his doctor, said it was time for hospice. I said no, he said no, but as the days went by, we finally had to relent. I am so glad we did. They were wonderful, came three times a week, more near the end. I have never met a more caring bunch of people. That was my experience, and I wish I would have called earlier. I resisted, because I felt I would be losing control. I did not, and he made very nice friends in the end. At this point, we were done with hospitals, and ers, they are just rediculous, and 4/5 hours being treated was too hard on him. I wishyou luck, research your hospice, think about it, and good luck. Mary
  25. My husband, my friend, Daniel C Yagle, left us all on Sunday, May 2o, at about 6 pm,from this alwful monster we call lung cancer. He tried for almost three years, tried hard, but lost the battle. My god, Iam so glad he is free! Mary
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