marta

Hi, I am in a similiar situation..although you seem to be living farther away than I am...Here's my brief story.. I'm 22, living in Boston, one year out of college, doing cancer research at a hospital here. My mom is 46 and was diagnosed with Stage IV NSCLC in April. My parents are living in Pennsylvania..which is about a five hour drive from Boston. I'm an only child, and have no way to get back and forth to see them (can't afford to buy a car)...they're financial situation is pretty bad as well. There was a family decision made that I would not return home to live full time with my mom and dad, and they feel that this would only disrupt things further. I think a lot about the time I have left with my mom...and we spoke about the fact that I want to be near her if its running short. Ultimately, its best for me to stay here and just visit as much as possible. Right now, I'm trying to go twice a month and borrowing friends cars to do it. If your dad needs you as a caretaker, then you may have to consider going there temporarily. But, he may also treasure his independence a great deal. My mom told me that if I come home I am making her feel like shes dying...and at 46..shes too young to die. Anyway, good luck with your situation. I know you will do the right thing. Feel free to PM me anytime. Laura

Shellie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your are a truly devoted daughter. I am praying for strength for you in the upcoming days and months... Please feel free to contact me anytime Love Laura

Connie, Praying for your speedy recovery...Thinking of you often Laura

HI Sally, I am shocked to hear of your brothers condition at such a young age. Can you give us some more details of his disease? Keep with us...there is a ton of support...and stories of survivors at every stage. Praying for you Laura

Don, I've got the biggest smile ever on my face for you two!!! This is great news...I Hope the roller coaster ride stays on the upswing for a long long time!! Laura

Sam, Wishing you well as you go into your next round of chemo..I know whatever decision you make for your care will be the right one. Laura

Hello friends, I have not written much about my mom in some time...I've just really been reading posts and replying. So, I thought I would give you a little update. Today, my mom is at her fourth chemo session. She has one next week and then shes done..the last one really knocked her out and I'm very very worried about her making it through these next two. We had a round of scans a few weeks back that showed she was responding to initial chemos...all the cancer in her left lung was gone..and the original tumor was stable. No mets anywhere else. I'm not sure about the bone cancer...i think that doesn't ever really "go away" on the scans. She's being treated in Philly (where Ginny's hubby went!) and our awesome oncologist is participating in a protein trial that uses the staph infection bacteria to kill tumors. It's a Phase I...and an inpatient study. She has to stay in the hospital for five days and have a port put in. Shes super depressed, and terrified about the port. I'm living five hours from her...and making it home as much as possible to see her. This weekend is her birthday. Anyway, thats the story. I'm battling with the guilt of not being there every minute. I can't help feeling like the clock is ticking. My parents are adamant about me not coming home...I have to respect their wishes..but at the same time..I feel like if something happens to her, I will be guilty about staying in boston forever. Thanks for listening Laura

Dear Shellie, I know exactly how you feel. It seems as if there is some reason why this can't be happening to me and my 45 year mom either. She's my best friend, and the person I spoken to EVERY day for 22 years of my life. I've got a lot of living to do..marriage,children, graduate school. With my mom as sick as she is, I know that there is a very strong possiblity that she won't be there to see those things. The thought of this is pretty much unbearable. When you said your mom is young, and Cathy said her dad is too young to have this happen, I had a realization. Everyone, no matter how old (or young) that has this disease is TOO YOUNG. I lost my grandma (at 61) to LC and now my mom at 45 is suffering too. I often see old people (like cathy said) and think that its not fair that they get to live to see their grandchildren. But then again, those are someones parents too. And when they die, their children will believe that they were too young as well. So, my point is that there will never ever be a way (or time) for our parents to leave us when we think "Its okay, they're old enough to die now" Their death, however it comes, will be as painful when we are 22, 45 or 60. I'm 22 and an only child. And my mom is my world too. But I take a lot of comfort in the fact that we are all mortal. We have to die...somehow..at some point. And no matter when that is, it is never going to feel right. Its gonna hurt like hell. I hate the fact that your mom is suffering, and I hate the fact that cancer takes away so much from us. But this is God's plan, and we have to have faith in that. When I was 18, my best friends father committed suicide. When we talk now, she's resentful of me because she knows that I have time with my mom that she didn't get to have with her dad (she never got to say goodbye). And I'm resentful of her because she didn't have to live every day with the knowledge that her dad was dying. So, I think its all relative. Death sucks no matter how or when it happens. We have to take comfort in the little victories and the memories we were given. I know that the man upstairs has a bigger plan. Shellie, try to stay away from bitterness. If we become bitter at the thought of losing our mom's, we've let life's certainties (and cancer) win the fight. There are things we can't change, and this is one of them. I am thinking of you every day and praying for your family Love Laura

Thinking of you in these tough times. Your dad was a true fighter, and now he is in a peaceful, beautiful place.

Praying for you, Katie and her beloved father. Katie is an awesome daughter who has gone above and beyond the call of duty many times over. Hoping to hear good news Laura

Ginny, Great to hear that things are uneventful with you!! Your doc rocks!!! Glad to know that Earl is NED.....he's a survivor that's giving us all hope. Take care laura

Ada, I'm sorry to hear of the bone mets...my mom has a bone involvement too, and radiation completely took the pain away from the most severe one. Also, make sure you ask your docs about the drug ZOMETA. It repairs damage and can prevent more bone mets. Rest up, and get ready to keep fighting this monster. Thinking of you Laura

Mainecoon, Reading your post just sent me into sobs. You were one of the husbands who spoke with my dad on the boards, and I believe that your interactions with him, although brief, brought much comfort. Thank you. I am saddened to here of your beloved Margaret. I pray for peace and strength during the upcoming days and months ahead. Laura

Shellie, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's condition. Try to listen to her, and spend time with her as she is dealing with so much right now. Prayers to you and your family Love Laura

Annie, I'm sorry to hear of your smoking dilemma. When I read your post, my heart just sank. As I watch my mom fight cancer, and saw my grandma die at 61, I've been developing quite a bitter hatred for cigarettes. When I was younger, I begged my mom to quit smoking. I knew, somewhere deep down, they would be the cause of a lot of problems in my life. Then, i started smoking. Stupid me. I put myself at risk for NO REASON. I smoked for seven years until my grandma, newly diagnosed (and newly retired, living in her newly built dream house near the water, and spending time with grandpa in her newly purchased boat) called from a hospital bed. She was in treatment and suffering from the complications. She asked if I was still smoking. At the time, the answer was yes. Thirty seconds later, the answer was no. For me, I never had any desire to quit smoking on my own. And everyone says that a person has to want to change in order to change, but I disagree. It was RESPECT that made me put out my last cig. Respect for my grandma, who never saw me graduate from college. Respect for the life that she was getting ready to live. And respect for her suffering and pain. I will never ever understand how her husband and three children stood outisde of her funeral and lit up. I will never ever ever believe that an addiction is strong enough to allow and entire family to disgrace a young life lost. My friends and family still smoke. In two years, we lost a grandma and face the possibility of losing a mom. What infuriates me the most is the disrespect. Life with cancer is no fun. The anguish our families face is real and tragic. If nothing else, our respect for their lives should force us to walk away from the cigarettes and never look back. Your situation is a tricky one and often times I believed that my mother couldn't possibly want to live if she continued to smoke. Because I am a former smoker too, I can understand that it is hard to quit. Katie B has offered the best advice so far. Good luck to you Laura

Hello all, I think that friends and family who just don't understand this all are almost as bad as dealing with the cancer sometimes. My mom's sister has called her one time since she was diagnosed ...and this is two years after they both lost their mom to SCLC... When I asked her why she doesn't call..she said to me "laura..do you know how hard this is..only two years after my mom died of the same thing?" Is she serious? Do I know how hard this is? OF COURSE!!!! Its my mom...and it was my grandma who died!!! She acts like it wasn't my family too!!! I was at a loss for words....when I questioned her more about why she doesn't have twenty minutes a week for my mom (who is 45 years old)..she said that she's mad at her because my mom for some comment she made about my aunts wedding... For some reason...I cant understand why a grown woman would choose not to speak to her own sister who has a very serious disease because of a comment that my mom made!! Does my aunt have any idea how sick my mom is? She can't possibly understand any of this. People say some remarkably stupid things...but all we can do is take responsiblity for our own lives..and actions..and pray for those who can't Ray..I'm glad to hear that you have such a great support system!! Thats wonderful Candy and Kathy..hang in there...and stay here with us..We UNDERSTAND!!!!! Laura

Hey Rich, I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. My mom also has stage IV LC. However, it seems like you've gotten through treatment...and your still here!!!! There is much support here, so stay with us and keep us updated. I'm also in the boston area...where are you being treated? I work at Brigham and Women's/Dana Farber Cancer Institute. There is a trial starting up for a lung cancer vaccine that had really good results...in fact..it worked the best for people with your kind of cancer (BAC). A few people actually had a complete response..meaning NO TUMORS....and were still cancer free at two years. It should be enrolling in the next few months. Please PM me..or write me an email lhoffmeister@partners.org Good luck to you Laura

Ry.. This is wonderful!!! Yeah for Iressa..I am praying that he continues to have success on it!! Laura

Christina, I am so sorry to hear of this news. Please try to do whatever you both think is best..if anything..getting the opinion of another doctor may help with your peace of mind Praying for you Laura

Praying for Gianni...I am glad to hear that he is comfortable. May God bless your family in this trying time.

Yippppeeee!!!!! Don..this is great news..I'm doing a dance in my office for you right now..

HI, Thanks for posting. Cancer is tricky business...what we all have learned is that there are no certainties about what the future holds. Of course, we all believe in...and pray for the best possible outcome...but the fact of the matter is...no one can be sure how your FIL will be in a few months or a few years. In fact...If the chemo is working, and he finishes his last rounds of chemo problem free...I would say that the BEST time would be to have the wedding two months after that time. He wont be in active treatment..and the possibilty that his disease will be stable or better is strong. If you wait on this one...you may regret it. My mom has stage IV NSCLC...I'm 22 years old with a new career five hours away...We speak about often about me "putting things on hold" here to be with her there. What we've decided is that this cancer isn't going to stop us from our plans. Yes..they may have to become a little more flexible...but we are putting one foot in front of the other as planned Good luck to you...and congrats on your wedding Laura

Sounds like awesome news to me!!!! It's great that he's able to get around and do the most dreaded chore of the house! I hope he continues to stay on the mend...and each day proves better and better Have a great fourth Laura

Don, Thanks for the update on Lucie..It's great to hear that she's improving... Thank god for the new doc pointing out the medication/asthma connection!! I hope you have a great fourth...and forget about the other shoe.. Laura

Shannon, I am amazed at your strength... The loss of Mike is something that will always be a part of who you are...every moment you are here with us. But...your time with him is means even more..and will stay with you, keeping you strong. You will see him again...in the meantime..you and all of your kids and grandkids have a very very special angel Take the time you need...and keep us updated on how you are doing Laura