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MsC1210

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Posts posted by MsC1210

    Just popping in to say hi!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Hi Karen!

    I DO remember you and I am so thilled to read this update!!! I am so happy for Mom and for all of you that she is doing so well. What a lovely trip that must have been for her to see her grandson get married!! Congrats to ALL of you!!

    Keep in touch!!!

    Warm Hugs

    Christine

    Thank you

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Sarah.

    I just want to say thank you for this touching post. I know that, personally, Mom and I got so caught up in caring for and about Jerry, just doing everything in our power to keep him comfortable and happy, we never stopped to really think about how and what he was thinking or feeling.. I can only pray that his thoughts and feelings were as loving as those that you have shared with us.

    We are here for you, we will continue to be here.

    Many hugs, (((((Sarah)))))

    Warmly

    Christine

    im new

    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    Hello Mary and welcome

    I hope you will find this site to be helpful and supportive. Please let us know how we can hekp and rest assured there will be someone here to do so.

    Warmly

    Christine

    My mom

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know that we will continue to be here for you in the coming days and weeks. Come "talk" to us whenever you need to. We care.

    Christine

    Our Hospice experience..

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Although this is an end of life issue, this post is not typical of the recent end of life posts on here. I hope this will be inspirational and comforting coming from the point of view of a caregiver.This is the experience that Mom and I had. It has been very difficult to write, hard to share those last days and hours but I feel it should be shared.

    ~Chris

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I really want to share our brief experience with Hospice. I feel it is so important to share this story as it is so positive and just so meaningful to Mom and I.

    When Jerry was released from the Veterans Hospital in Albany, it was to go home under care of Hospice. I had read some pretty unsettling stories about the care some people had received and I had heard some really sad things about lack of care, lack of compassion, etc, so I was really not sure what to expect. Naturally I did not share those things with Mom, although I am not sure she would have really comprehended much at that point anyway.

    Jerry came home on the 25th of June. Due to his late discharge we did not have the chance to make arrangements for Hospice to come until the following day. Mom had phoned me and asked if I would come down and take care of that with her (more like for her). I deliberately went down a bit later than she had asked me to as I wanted to give the intake worker chance to sit down with Jerry and Mom and get a feel for what the situation was. When I did get there, the oxygen people had also arrived so I took over with the Hospice worker.

    This lady, who, coincidentally is named Geri, sat with me and explained the whole organization, the services that Jerry had signed on for and what things were available to Mom 24 hours a day. She was so warm, caring and compassionate! I was absolutely at ease with her and just so grateful that things were going to be taken care of and dealt with in the best possible way. She gave me her business card and told me to call her any time, night or day if there was ANYTHING I had questions about, if I needed help with Mom as at that stage you might remember my telling how Mom was in total denial. I was just overwhelmed with this organization and in all the right ways.

    I had the good fortune to be at the house on Saturday, June 28th and was able to sit down with the Hospice nurse, Ironically named Christine, as she explained to Mom that Jerry was in the dying process. She very lovingly explained the changes that he was going through, how his body was systematically shutting down. She explained that it was time to stop trying to coax him to take his meds, it was time to just keep him comfortable with the morphine and the xanax and by swabbing his mouth with water to keep it moist. She told us how there is no way of knowing how long the process would take. It could be days, it could be hours but that it was definitely happening and he was leaving us. She gave us copies of the most wonderful booklet, entitled "Gone From My Sight; The Dying Experience: written by Barbara Karnes. (I highly recommend this booklet.. it was such a wonderful source of comfort and information and it really made things comprehendible for Mom especially)

    I was not there when Jerry passed. I wish in some ways that I had been but am grateful for having been able to spend much of his last week with him and Mom. It was 1:05am on June 29th and Mom had been woken up about 20 minutes earlier by a phone call from Jerry's sister. (Don't ask my why ANYONE would call the home of a dying man at that hour of the night but it was a blessing..) Mom was laying next to Jerry, listening to him breathe, or fighting to breathe. She gave him his morphine and xanax, she swabbed his mouth and lips and she laid there next to him. He grew a little restless and she moved over closer to hold him. She had him in her arms as he drew his last breath. She told me it was the single most painful moment of her life as well as one of the most peaceful.

    The Hospice nurse was called. She came immediately. I am not sure if all Hospice nurses are able to pronounce time of death or not but in this case she was. She went in to the bedroom while Mom dealt with the funeral director and took great care to make sure Jerry was "presentable". She straightened his pajamas, pulled the covers up and folded them back, and cleared away the meds and appliances that were there. She set about destroying the drugs that were left over, took care of tidying up the remaining supplies and when the hearse arrived to remove Jerry, she stayed with Mom and made sure she was okay. (Mom wanted me to wait to come down until morning and I had to respect her wishes.)

    The following day we had phone calls from Hospice to check on us, to see if we needed anything and just in general to let us know they were and are there for us. It was just such a comfort.

    Although we did not have an extensive experience with Hospice, the few days that they were a part of our lives they showed time and time again that they were wonderful, compassionate and caring people. I am so glad that we had the chance to have Jerry at home where he wanted to be and without the help of these dedicated and caring people, that would not have been possible.

    I felt that this story needed to be shared. So often we hear the bad things, the horror stories and the bad aspects of Hospice, but it is rare to be able to share such a wonderful experience even in the face of grief and loss.

    As hard as this has been to share, I feel it was worth the effort.

    Love and hugs to you all,

    Chris

    Coming back.. slowly

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Hello Everyone..

    Well, after taking some time for myself and getting Mom back on her feet so to speak I am going to try and get caught up with the posts here and hopefully be back and stronger than before.

    Lots of crap going on with my Mom and Jerry's kids. I never bothered to mention them much, if at all before as they had NOTHING at all to do with him or my Mom until the day after he died. Then of cour$e they came running. It has been sickening to see the greed and the cold heartedness. It all came to a head over this past week and my Mom packed up her belongings and moved back to her own place that she had not sold or done anything with over the years she was with Jerry. THANK GOD FOR THAT. Anyway, Jerry's son began saying some incredibly mean and nasty things to my mom, in front of me and it got very, very ugly and almost came to blows. He had us trapped in a small pantry, shoved me against the refrigerator and began to raise his hand to me. Only once would that happen, and of that I am 110% sure. My husband heard the shouting from out side and came in and finally got the moron to move away and Mom and I just got out. Not at all what any of us needed and not at all how we had wanted this to end, but greed and grief, hand in hand are a dangerous and volatile pair for some people. I know this is far from over but now it will go through legal channels and that is the only way it will be handled. Mom did not need this crap. She had not even had a chance to begin to grieve.

    I am staying close by but also giving her the time and space that I know are so vitally important right now. I check on her every day and if I have any reason to think there is ANYTHING wrong I pop in and say hi. She is amazing me with her strength.

    I am going to be around a bit now and will do my best to get caught up. I am sure I will never be able to read every post and reply but please know that this whole "family" here has been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be..

    Love and hugs to all

    Chris

    More pain.. my girlfriend Laurie

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Again, thank you ALL so much.. I just cannot believe she died so soon after Jerry even though I KNEW she was really failing in the past month. Just unbelievable timing.....

    The funeral is this afternoon and I feel absolutely HORRIBLE but I cannot bring myself to go. I feel sick to my stomach when I even think about attending a funeral, no matter who's it is and I just cannot do it. I will send my condolences and will make sure her son knows that I am here for him and his wife if I can be of any help. My Dad is going and he told me he understands and that nobody would hold it against me but I still feel so badly about it.

    I hate cancer, all cancer but most especially this damn lung cancer. It has stolen too many loved ones from us and it just has to stop.

    Sorry.. I did not mean to go off on a tirade I just needed to thank you all so much, yet again....

    Love

    Chris

    More pain.. my girlfriend Laurie

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Some of you may remember me posting about my friend Laurie last fall and asking for prayers as she had been diagnosed with lung cancer in both lungs as well as many mets throughout her body. This was after losing her beloved husband to lung cancer. I just had a phone call that she has lost her battle. Like Jerry, her pain and suffering has now ended.... I hate cancer. I just hate it.

    My heart is just broken...

    Christine.. who needs a break so desperately.

    He is gone

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I finally got to read through all of these wonderful messages and will print them out to share with Mom.

    Thank you all for your love and support and your prayers and condolences. And, Katie thank you for making the initial post about Jerry's passing for me. The site was down that morning and I was not able to do it before I left.

    Everything happened so fast that we never really had chance to make peace with the cancer issues and now we are thrown into the grieving thing with no real chance to prepare, if you can ever really do such a thing. Life is just so unpredictable but so precious. I guess that is one of the lessons I've taken from this.

    I'm really at such a loss for words here.....

    Again, our sincere thanks for all of the support and prayers and love....

    Christine

    Thank you all, but I think it is time...

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    WOW... well first let me say I am really, really touched and humbled by all of these wonderful replies. I actually don't know what to say as thank you seems so shallow in light of the outpouring of love and concern here, but it is all I have.. so, THANK YOU.. ALL. SO MUCH. The messages here, the PM's, the emails, the facebook messages, the phone calls.. WOW.. I am just so overwhelmed and thankful..

    I had thought that my mind was made up and that I was certain that stepping away was the right thing to do. I thought that since Jerry is gone that my place here was pretty much over and done. I can see now that maybe I was mistaken.

    I really am speechless here.. I know I am not ready to fully "be" here right now. I need to be with Mom right now and get her through things and help her out with the aftermath. Anyone who has lost someone knows what I am talking about, there is that never ending list of details that need to be dealt with and settled as well as that rollercoaster ride called grief. (she is holding up ok at the moment but still in big time denial..)

    So, I guess since the Hall Pass Monitor made it clear that I can have a pass, I will ask for a pass to get my head straightened out and figure out what I need to do for Mom and then ME and hopefully I can come back and be able to provide support and hope on a better level than I could do right now. I want to share my experience with Hospice and the last few days that we had with Jerry, as difficult as that will be. I think there is a lot to be learned from it all and hope that when I am able to share it, that it will help..... Right now though, I am not ok and I am just not ready to be here. I feel so selfish saying that.

    Wow, I just don't know what else to say other than thank you so very much...... I am so touched and so grateful to you all....

    See you again, sooner rather than later I hope....

    Love and hugs and again, my deepest and most heartfelt thanks..

    Chris

    Thank you all, but I think it is time...

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts and prayers during the past month +. It has been so wonderful to have a place to go to share my feelings as well as those of my Mom during Jerry's short but brutal fight with LC.

    I've been doing a lot of thinking, again, about my place here with LCSC. I had begun to consider taking some time away from here before Jerry got so sick as I had really been feeling out of place. Several comments had been made that made me feel as though I really did not belong here and I had just about decided that it was time for me to simply move on and pursue other ventures. Then Jerry got sick and I needed to be here. I still did not always feel as though I belonged, but I needed to know that somewhere, someone could relate to the emotions I was feeling, and still am, and help me to make sense of them.

    I have always tried to remain neutral in the conflicts and controversies that arise, they are normal with so many wonderful people from so many different walks of life all coming together. I did my best not to judge ANYONE, and did my best to offer support and hope and a shoulder to anyone who needed it. I did my best to continue to reach out to anyone even as I walked this horrible road myself.

    I think at this stage I am going to step away and take time to get my head back together as helping my Mom and Jerry through this has been so very, very hard for me and it did bring back all of the painful memories and nightmares I endured as Brad tried so hard to win his battle as well. I think that even though I was not a true caregiver or family member, according to some, that the experiences I have had with Brad and now again with Jerry have changed me forever and I am really not as strong as I had hoped I could be.

    I wish you all well, I wish you all peace and happiness and will continue to hold you in my prayers. I am sorry I feel the way I do, but I don't want to add to the controversies here and I don't feel that I truly belong anymore. I hope you can all understand. I did try to do my best and I am so sorry for not being able to do more.

    My love and my never ending thanks to all of you, especially Katie and Rick for making this site possible to those who are so desperately in need...

    Christine

    He is gone

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Jerry passed early this morning in my Mom's arms.

    Thank you all for your kindness, your prayers, your words of support and your caring thoughts. He is no longer in pain and he is at peace.

    Love and hugs

    Christine

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