jendew

Thank you all so very much.

I know how you feel. My dad was put on hospice two short weeks ago, and he passed away one week ago. None of us, including him, believed it was his time to go until the day of his death. We couldn't believe it last Monday when they told us he only had 24 hours to live. It's still unbelievable today. Daddy had a wonderful outlook, and was still mentally with us until a few short hours before his death. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through, but you will get through it. Each day is such a struggle for me, and coming to this site is hard as well, but I know I have to do it. I just take one day and most of the time one hour at a time.

My father's only symptom over a year ago was the shoulder pain. They did an x-ray and found the first tumor. He had surgery, radiation and two different rounds of chemo before going on hospice. He died peacefully at home last Tuesday. He was on a nebulizer and O2 so there was no suffocation. He just simply stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating shortly thereafter. At that point, though, he didn't know what was going on. He was already unresponsive. Noone can say how long he's got with you, but my father was only on hospice a week prior to his death. I hope you have much more time with your father. Good luck, and many prayers are coming your way.

Please know I am praying. I know how hard it is.

My parents were able to qualify for a grant through a contact with the cancer center. They didn't have to pay anything for my father's Tarceva. This grant was not through the drug company, but through a private organization if I'm not mistaken. You might want to schedule a meeting with the patient advocate at your cancer center for help. They know of more options than we do. Good Luck. I'm praying for a cure.

As I have shared before, my dad was supposed to start Tarceva last week, but he passed the day before the drug arrived. He had gotten a grant to pay for the drug so it was costing my mother and father nothing. Well, the night before my father passed away, his oncologist called. My father was unable to swallow at that point, so my mother asked what we should do with the Tarceva when it came in. The oncologist said to bring it to him, and he is going to give it to another family who cannot afford the treatment as it is so expensive. What was once my father's hope is now going to give hope to another family. I am so happy to know that we will be able to share that hope with someone else. My Daddy would be so proud.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. The sadness I am feeling is overwhelming. I am going to miss him so much.

The pain is the hardest thing to watch, isn't it? My father was in so much pain, and I would feel so helpless because there's nothing I could do to help him feel better. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish your SF could enjoy this time with your mother instead of making her feel like a burden. I hope he changes soon. Prayers coming your way.

He is resting now in the arms of the Heavenly Father. He passed away just the way he wanted to...with his family around him helping him through the transition. We kissed, hugged, rubbed and talked him through his journey. His journey is now complete, and I will forever have a hole in my heart. I love you, Daddy. You will always be my hero. I'm so proud of the way you fought this battle! There is more than one way to beat cancer, and you succeeded!

is how long my father has to live. I feel like I'm dying inside. I came home to grab a few things and head back to my mother's house. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Hospice has been good for us thus far. A nurse comes out at least 2-3 times a week, and a home health nurse comes out every day to help us bathe and dress my father. We also called our nurse last night, and she came out within 30 minutes to answer some questions. We have 24 hour access to our nurse. I don't have many complaints. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Today has been an emotional day. Daddy was in a lot of pain this morning again. Hospice came out and basically told my sister and I that Daddy won't make it very much longer. Maybe a few weeks. Daddy told me this morning how much he loved me, and that he knows what's happening to him. He told me that he's not giving up, and he's not dwelling on the fact that he's dying, but that he's concentrating on the memories that we have as a family. He told me how proud he is of me. At least I was able to tell him and Mama how much I appreciate them and everything they gave up for us when we were all kids. I told him it was my turn to repay him for taking care of me when I was small. I told him I loved him more than he would ever know. I guess we said our goodbyes. He told my mother how blessed he was to have been married to her for 46 years. He also told my husband how much he loved and appreciated him. He said he wanted to get all of that out while he was still lucid because he knew that he would not have many more lucid days. He wanted everybody to know that he felt these things from his heart, and it was not medicine making him say these things. He cried. Well, we all cried. I'm crying just typing this. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. He can't move his legs at all today and he's very swollen. I rubbed lotion on his legs and feet, and told him I loved him before I left. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

My father is now officially on hospice. He will still take the Tarceva. We will start him on that in the next few days, but he is mostly paralyzed now. They also suspect he has congestive heart failure. He woke up yesterday morning not being able to breathe and gurgling. We spent the day at the ER with that. Tomorrow they will do a 3-D echocardiogram. The tumor is growing out of control. It is so hard to know how to help my parents deal with this. I hate seeing my parents cry. We're still praying for a miracle. I just don't want my Daddy to die.

I'm so sorry, Lori. On both counts. It's so difficult dealing with a sick parent, and then to have a sick child on top of it. I can't imagine the pain and heartache you're going through right now. Just know that we are sending up prayers for you and your family right now. Just keep hanging onto that string. Jenny

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a very hard situation to be put in. We're here anytime you need to talk or vent.

I am not a smoker and never have been. However, I for one know that there are many things I do to my body every day that damages it. I've had skin cancer. Do I wear sunscreen every time I am in the sun? No. Although I don't do it now, I used to overeat. That's been known to kill people, too. I think we need to clean up our own doorsteps before we start blaming other people. None of us are perfect. Do I blame my father for bringing this disease on himself? No. Neither am I going to be mad at him if he smokes a cigarette now. The man has smoked for over 50 years, and this is probably the only pleasure he's ever going to have in his life again. I'm not going to sit in judgment and take that last pleasure away from him if he wants a cigarette. I'm just not going to do it. It's his body and his life. I'm mad at the disease. Not my father. He's just a victim.

Well, we went to see the oncologist, and although he told us that hospice is definitely an option, but his recommendation is to at least try Tarceva first. He feels we're still facing total paralysis from the waist down, but we're just going to have to put up with it. He said that of course nobody knows how long they've got, but he feels that we're just talking a short period of time now, but if he reacts well to Tarceva we might buy a small period of time. In the words of my 14 year old..."even a few months would be wonderful." It's a shame that my children have had to face life's trials at this time in their life. When did they become so wise? So, because my father is in his doughnut hole with medicare and we're paying for all of his prescriptions 100%, the oncologist is going to work tomorrow trying to find help with paying for the Tarceva. He still can't begin a new treatment for another two weeks since he had Alimta this past Thursday. If we can't do the Tarceva then he recommends a few treatments at least of Taxotere, but Daddy's so weak, he doesn't think he could handle more than about three of those. So...those are our options, and we're just waiting on God to show us the right route to take from here. Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers. We feel them.

Well, the tumor is inoperable. He already has one fracture because of it, and two more vertebrae are ready to go at any time. He will be on high powered steroids and in a back brace the rest of his life. The oncologist wants to see us at 3:40 this afternoon, and both my sister and I are expecting hospice to be called in. While my heart is so heavy, we are still finding little things to laugh at. Daddy told us he just wants everybody to be happy. He also said he didn't want to go any farther with treatment. I guess we'll just wait and see what this afternoon brings. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Well, they are admitting him in the morning (he chose to come home tonight to be with his family) and will have a neurosurgeon evaluate him. If they are able to do surgery, he may not make it through surgery...if we do nothing, he will become completely paralyzed and will lose all bowel and bladder function. We are already seeing some signs of that. I cannot describe the pain I am in tonight, although I know some of you have felt the same pain. Tomorrow is a big decision making day. The tumor is growing so fast they are afraid he'll become paralyzed tonight. I can't believe this is happening. The one way my father never wanted to live is happening.

I just got word from my sister (I had to leave and get my daughter to volleyball practice) that they cannot even treat my father with radiation because of the prior radiation. They've done pretty much all they can do for him. His primary care doctor and the oncologist are conferring to see whether or not they can admit him to the hospital for monitoring. I'm sure hospice is the next step.

My father now has a very large tumor on his thoracic spine causing paralysis. He's been unable to walk since Friday. It is so large they started irradiating it today immediately after they found it. I am numb. He told me today to take care of my mother for him, and also for me to "take care of his girls", meaning my daughters. My father has always been my hero, and to see him hurting so is killing me inside. I just feel so damn helpless.

I'm so very sorry, hon. Go get in the shower and scream and cry all you want. It's o.k. You've got to relieve some of the stress and emotions. My prayers are with you and your family. You are a very strong person, and I KNOW you can do this. I know it.

I remember the day that my mother's hair fell out when she had breast cancer. That was such a tough day. I remember talking to her on the phone that morning and knowing something was wrong with her. I stopped by her work on my way into work, and she was sitting there crying in her wig. It is awful to see our parents hurt like that. Keep reassuring her that it will be over soon, and that once chemo stopped it didn't take long at all for my mother's hair to come back in. I'm sorry you're having to fight this battle. It stinks.

It's so good to hear someone else that is so happy just for the small moments. Can I share mine? Today, I'm thankful that I got to see my three year old helping my father take his breathing treatment. She loves being his nurse.

I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you through this.