j's girl

I know exactly how you feel. It's been seven weeks today for me since my Mom's passing. Life almost seems too normal. There are times when in the middle of a moment of joy when I feel guilt for feeling so happy. And then I stop and think that Mom would want me to be happy. I had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago. I think it was brought on by a few things - my Dad being hospitalized, a fight with my husband, my Mom's birthday and Thanksgiving all happening within a few days. That is when I found this website. It is so reassuring to read that others are going through exactly the same things. Now I'm back to feeling numb again but expect that there will be more breakdowns every now and then. I always cry when I read other people's postings. But I think it's a good release. I also know what you mean when you say that things seem externally normal. Inside the world has changed drastically and it seems impossible for everything to go on as it always has, yet it does. There is some comfort in normalsy, yet some how it doesn't seem quite right. I always thought that losing a parent would be completely unbearable, and although it's painful, it's not the pain I thought it would be. I keep expecting a deep stabbing pain, but all I feel is an empty ache. Now I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for posting your feelings. It makes me feel normal. Shauna

Kim I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is so incredibly profound. You'll alway treasure that time with her. And I'm sure she is smiling on you now. Free of pain, breathing easy and extremely proud! Shauna

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now. There was a time early in my Mom's fight that I told my Brother that if Mom only had a few months left, I would want her to pack as much living into the last few months as she could and forget about treatment. Mom was never given any time frame, she took every treatment option offered, and still packed a whole lot'a living in her last seven months. Can you go with her to appointments? My Dad, Brother and I always went to appointments with Mom. And we always had a slightly different slant on what was said by the doctors. As hard as it is for us to wrap our brains around this, it must be even more overwhelming for them. There was a period before my Mom started treatment that I tried to get her to ask for some anti-depresents to get her through the day because she didn't feel like doing anything. She took an anti-anxiety which helped her sleep and calmed her down when she got really worked up. Maybe that is something to look into. I think a good part of this battle is mental. I hope you can convince your StepMom to get another opinion. But if you can't, as hard as it is, the best thing you can do is support her decision and support your Dad through it all. We always told my Mom that whatever her decision was, we'd support her 100%. Take care of yourself.

Terrye, I think everyone responds differently to hair loss. Mom was on the same drugs and was told the same thing your Mom was and ended up losing her hair in clumps. My Mom found wigs a little uncomfortable and she had a hard time finding hats. She was too tired for shopping, so I found some bigger kids' sized hats and sent them to her. They were bright and cheery. She ended up wearing hats more than wigs. I hope you're having a wonderful weekend with your family. I think it's vital to have those "normal" family times as often as possible to get away from all the crap that goes with this horrible disease and concentrate on the stuff that matters most- living life.

I'm a little late arriving at this site. While Mom was in the midst of her fight, I resolved to stay off the internet with regards to anything lung cancer related. The stats are just so grim that I really couldn't bear to look at them. Now that I'm hear and reading survivors' stories, I wish I'd have found you earlier! And sent Mom here. Mom got her official diagnosis in January of this year, but was told by her surgeon he was 95% sure it was cancer in November. It was March before she started receiving chemo and we saw a marked decline while we waited. But amazingly, Mom said she actually felt better after starting chemo. I think she was relieved that something was finally happening. She did 3 cycles of chemo and 5 weeks of radiation. Her oncologist was amazed at how well she held up through this toxic treatment. She would always say that she didn't think she was doing as well as he thought she was. And I would always tell her that he had ways of measuring how she was doing, so she must be doing great. Mom had surgery in mid-June against the advice of her surgeon. He would say that "statistically" she had just as good a chance with chemo as she would with surgery. Her oncologist said that the amount of chemo he could give her would never get rid of the cancer she had left. So she decided that if she was going to fight, surgery was the only way to do it. Her surgeon set out to try to do a lobectomy and end up taking her whole right lung. After surgery she had a slight heart attack and got pnemonia in her left lung but recovered amazingly. Her oncologist gave her the option of having more chemo to clear up what ever little bit of cancer may have been left and she decided to do it. She did a chemo treatment on Tuesday August 29th, had a nap during the treatment and felt good enough to go shopping after. She had lunch with friends the next day. On Thursday she felt a little short of breath, but nothing that seemed very serious, so my Dad called the hospital. While he was talking to the doctor, Mom said she thought she needed an ambulance. Dad hung up and called 911 and when he went back to check on her, she was gone. Dad did CPR until the ambulance came but doesn't think it did any good. I think I've been holding up quite well until the last couple of days. I just miss her so much! We really thought she had it beat. She fought so hard and never ever considered herself to be dying of cancer. She took part in the Relay for Life as a Survivor and even though she's gone, she was a true survivor. If you're in this battle, or love someone who is, never, ever give in to it!

I agree whole heartedly. I am so baffled as to why this disease is not being shouted from the roof tops! I read somewhere that lung cancer kills more people than breast, prostate and colon cancers combined! Even though there are fewer people living with lung cancer, it is that much more difficult to treat. I just lost my Mom (who was only 60 years old) to it. Yes, she smoked. But when she started, nobody really knew the hazzards. At least not like we do today.