j's girl

That just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Must be a great feeling for you. Shauna

First and foremost continued success with treatment Bill, your posts always make me think. They sometimes even keep me up at night rolling things around in my brain. This thread is no exception. I'd like to share my perspective with you as someone who lost her Mom to this disease. (Just scroll down if you don't want to read it). I feel like I fought right along side of my Mom. I did everything I could to lighten her burden so she could put her energy into getting well. Being an active contibutor to this message board makes all the efforts of Mom's cancer battle meaningful for me. If our experience can help someone who is in the midst of this fight, then something good can come of it. I think one reason you see so many family members who have lost a loved one is because battling lc lights such a strong fire in people that we feel the need to honor our loved ones by continuing the fight. We're definitely not a random sample . We are so fortunate to have this community. I've been searching for something similar relating to colon cancer (for my Dad) but can't find anything comparible. Oh ya, if I ever post anything that bothers you, feel free to send me a PM. I won't be offended. Shauna

Gretzky's Mom died of lung cancer in either late 05 or 06. I'm looking for an email address of some sort so we can try to contact him. He's now head coach for the Phoenix Coyotes. He does lots for hockey charities, and Ronald McDonald House. Maybe lc would be a cause he'd look at advocating for. If anyone else comes up with an email address, please post it. Shauna

So sorry Don. My thoughts and prayers are added to everyone else's. While we are eager to see you back, take all the time you need. Shauna

Nick, I think what you're experiencing is very normal. My Brother and his wife are expecting their first child in May and he just doesn't seem as happy as he should. Having said that, can you try thinking of what you DO have, rather than what you don't? I've been trying it lately and it helps me. I do have a lot of Mom's "words of wisdom" to pass down, I have the lessons she taught me and the values she instilled. I had 35 years with a wonderful Mom. I'll take quality of time, over quantity anyday. I'm planning on making a scrapbook for my Brother's baby to tell him or her about Grandma. I'm hoping to get other friends and family members to write letters about her to include. I have to believe that Mom is with us and knows everything that is happening. I'm sure the next time around will be different. Being a parent is an incredible experience I pray you get to experience soon. Shauna

Do you think the smoking stigma comes into play with both the lack of funding and the lack of media attention? Because lung cancer is seen as a "smoker's disease" and smoking has become so "socially unacceptable", I think the issue of lung cancer suffers. It is not a glamourous cause for corporations to back and funding is channelled into prevention (ie creating another stop smoking aid). It makes me angry because creating another aid to help people who don't want to quit will do nothing. On the other hand, you would think the stagering numbers of new cases and deaths every year would move any person with a social conscience into action. After her diagnosis, Mom went online to do research. When she saw the stats, she said, "Those have to be old numbers". It seems incomprehendable that our society would tolerate this and yet somehow we do. Sorry, just had to rant. Shauna

I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you're feeling at peace with it. You'll likely feel lots of different things and you just have to walk with it. As for funeral arrangements, my advice would be to just go with your gut feelings and discuss them with your Dad. My Mom only wore jewellery that I wanted to go with her. Funeral Directors are human so there is always that chance a mistake could be made and I didn't want to take the chance of losing her wedding rings. I think, as daughters, we feel resposible for doing things the way our Moms would want them. When it comes right down to it, all your Mom would want is for you to do what makes you and your Dad most comfortable. I completely understand the "What do I do now?" feeling. Changing your focus to looking after yourself and your Dad might help alleviate it a little. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family. Shauna

Oh Renzo, I am so sorry. You seem amazingly well composed. I am so surprised to read this and again so sorry. I always assumed that Mom's passing would be similar to the way you, and others, described it. Ironically, the day she passed away, I thought to myself "We made it". The wedding of a close family friend was about a week away and I was sure we would be there together. Two days before her death, Mom had a chemo treatment (the first of the adjuctive treatment she opted for after surgery) and felt good enough to go shopping afterwards. The next day she had lunch with friends. The day she passed away, she didn't feel well, a little short of breath, but it didn't seem serious enough to go to the hospital. Dad called the hospital to talk to an oncologist and during the conversation Mom said she needed an ambulance. Dad called 911 and went to check on her and she was gone. I always thought I'd have that time when we knew the end was near to say the things we needed to. I dreaded it. Mom never entertained the thought that she could die. So in many ways, her passing was very appropriate for her. Wishing and praying for peace for you, your Mom and your family. Shauna

So glad your husband has cleared that hurdle. I think about you and your situation often and hope and pray things are turning around for you. The return to routine things is such a good thing. With respect to the naturpathic doctor, my Dad and I had the same discussion with his homecare nurse a couple of days ago. Her advice was to check credentials and go to someone who others you know have had success with. Mom went to see one a few days after being diagnosed with lung cancer. She wasn't able to do that treatment while taking chemo so couldn't complete it. Her oncologist didn't know how everything would interact. I'm not medical but I think chemo stays in your body for a while after treatment is complete, so you may want to mention it to his onc. Before you lay out any cash for the supplements prescribed, you may want to talk to a pharmacist that is familiar with the natural side of things to get another opinion. I think the naturpathic route is fantastic. My best friend's Dad was diagnosed with bone cancer. It had almost eaten through his arm and he could not move it. Doctors said he wouldn't live more than six months. He refused traditional medicine, went strictly naturpathic, had an amazing recovery and lived another 10 years. Go for it, but go with your eyes open and be cautious. One more thing, if things continually feel like they are "just too much", don't be afraid to ask for an anti-depressent. I went to the doctor for a colitis flair- up and when I told him that Mom had passed away 3 months ago and now we were dealing with Dad having colon cancer, he told me I needed something (Paxil) to take the edge off. I hummed and hawed but said it was worth a try. I am so glad I did. Basically, it lets me feel calm and rational and helps me make decisions with logic rather than emotion. Take care and best of luck! Shauna

I came across this poem and thought it was very appropriate for many of us. My First Year in Heaven I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below With tiny lights like Heaven's Stairs, reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear. But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas Choir up here. I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, For it is beyond description, to hear the Angels sing. I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart. But I am not so far away. We really aren't apart. So be happy for me, dear ones. You know I hold you dear. And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I sent you each a special gift, for my Heavenly Home above. I sent each a memory of my Undying Love. After all love is a gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most important in the stories Jesus told. Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do. For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you. So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear. Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. Merry Christmas Everyone! Shauna

I recently had a conversation with a friend who told me about an arguement her sister and sister-in-law had about a gift. My reaction was "Oh how I long for a life where things like that are important". After being through the things we have you just can't sweat the small stuff. My Mom always took the attitude that there are things in life that are worth getting upset about and there are things that are not. I'm definitely my Mom's kid. Shauna

I meant to add a little bit to the first post. About 5 years ago Mom had surgery in the same hospital that Dad is in. She had an ovarian cyst removed. As we waited in the hospital during the surgery, the fire alarms started ringing. There were even fire fighters in the lobby. It scared the heck out of us. Anyway, the point of this story is that as we waited for Dad to go into surgery, the fire alarms rang again. Also, when we went down to the room just outside the operating room with Dad, the doc that did Mom's surgery was there. I'm getting goose bumps writing this because I really, truely believe that Mom was there with us. Shauna

Don those are such perfect gifts. Even though it will be tough, you'll make some great memories that Lucie will be very proud of. Merry Christmas. Shauna

Karen, so sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard. My dr recently prescribed paxil for me and I find it really helpful. It doesn't take away the feelings, just helps me feel calm about everything and deal with everything else that get piled onto the grief. Hope you feel better soon. Shauna

Well, Dad had his surgery yesterday and the surgeon feels fairly confident it's colon cancer. We won't get biopsy results for a couple of weeks so we won't know what we're dealing with until then. It's only been 3 and a half months since we lost Mom to lung cancer and now we're dealing with this again. In a way it just seems unbelievable. On the positive side, the surgeon also seems pretty sure it hasn't spread outside the colon and he got it all. He didn't mention anything about lymph nodes though so I guess we'll have to wait for biopsy results. Dad is in pretty tough shape. He's in pain, gassy and I think a little overwhelmed. I live 4 hours away and am home for the next week. I'll go back to see him at Christmas and hopefully stay for 3 weeks or more. He'll likely get out just before Christmas and need lots of help when he gets home. I'm dreading talking to my boss about this. I work at the post office and felt like I was pushing my luck to get two days off for the surgery. But I keep telling myself I can always get another job but I can't get another Dad! Please pray for us. I talked to my Brother tonight and he seems really down. Shauna

I dealt with this a lot too and it's so hard! Is there someone else you could stay with while visiting? I would think that short visits should be okay with lots of aneseptic gel and instructions not to touch anything (Ya, right with a 3 year old!?!) But that might have to mean short visits for you too. Could your husband take the kids off your hands so you can have a good visit and just bring them around for quick visits? I guess I'd say if taking the kids means you're going to be worrying the entire time and not enjoy the visit, don't take them. Take lots of pictures of them (Not the same, I know). Can you take a special video message for Grandma? I missed my Mom's last Mother's Day because my son brought home a bug from daycare. It's a tough decision. Shauna

There must be so many conflicting emotions. Could you think of another name to give her like "Nana" or something? I totally get that. Your Mom was Grandma and how can she be too. I would talk to her and your Dad and ask them if they would be okay with your kids calling her something else because you want to keep that special name for your Mom. After my Grandma's death, my Grandpa started spending time with a lady who had recenly become a widow. There were members of the family who had a really hard time accepting the relationship but my parents took the view that it was just good to see him happy. They never did marry. But now Grandpa's lady friend is the closest thing to a grandparent that I have left. I just hope that if I find myself in this situation with my Dad that I can be as accepting as he was. I think you're Mom is so proud of the way you're handling this. Shauna

I can't help but wonder how much time I have left. My Great Grandmonther lived to the age 104, my Grandmother was 74 and my Mom passed at age 60. It seems as though the women who my genes come from die younger with every generation. I am 35. My Grandmother on my Dad's side died in a car accident when I was 15. This event had a profound impact on the way I view life. It really made me live for today and make sure the people I love know how I feel about them. Shauna

I was just starting to get into the Christmas season. Figuring out the perfect gift for every member of my family and kind of thinking about what Mom would get for everyone. Mom's been gone for just over 3 months and now my Dad has to have surgery next week. He has a mass in his colon that may or may not be cancerous. On the positive side, the dr said the CT showed the surrounding organs look clean. But I guess it's a fairly large mass. Dad asked if it could be removed raproscopicly (sp?) and the dr said technically yes but given the size of the hole he'll have to cut to get it out, he may as well open him up and have a look around. I'm scared but it feels nothing like when we found out Mom probably had cancer. I'm a little baffled as to why I feel so calm about it. I guess we've already battled the LC beast and it isn't quite so unknown. I love my Dad but I'm not nearly as close to him as I was to Mom. My ulcerative colitis was just settling down and now it's taken a turn for the worse. My dr gave me a prescription for paxil a couple of days ago. I guess it takes a while to really have any effect. I'm starting to wonder what I'm supposed to learn from all of this. So far the lesson has been "Don't assume things can't get any worse". There is always room for decline. I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. Somehow it just helps to type it all out. Thanks for listening, I mean reading. Shauna

Renzo, has your family looked into private diagnositic clinics? It's not cheap but it may be an option that is a lot quicker. I know the waiting is excrutiating. If you don't hear from the radiologist soon, start phoning and pestering. Say you want to double check that they got your file. Ask if there is a cancelation list that you can get your Mom on. You might need to be a total pain in the butt. But you know what they say about the squeaky wheel. Hope she can get some pain meds soon. Shauna

Good for you for getting on top of everything before hand. I'm sure your Mom takes comfort in the fact you're there to help in any way you can. The suggestions above are excellent. The only thing that I would add is an extra pair of ears and a notepad to write things down. She'll likely be prescribed additional drugs to take home to counteract nausia and maybe some stool softeners. Make sure your Mom follows the pharmacists directions. My Mom was always one for following directions until chemo. She didn't always take her anti-nausia drugs because they made her constipated and she didn't follow directions with the stool softeners either. I think it made things a little more difficult than it needed to be. You may also want to help in keeping track of symptoms that arise and report them to the pharmacist so they can provide the best care possible. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. Shauna

Kim, vent all you want! We are here to listen. Hope your days start getting better soon. You've been through so much already. Sending thoughts and prayers. Shauna

When I was in high school, we were given an assignment to write a poem about our hero. I found the word hero to be very powerful and the only person I could think of as a hero was my Grandfather. So I wrote the poem about him and my teacher told me to show it to him. It wasn't until many years later that I got the courage to show it to him. He loved it. A few years later it was read at his funeral service. Maybe you can put into writing all of the things that make her your hero. There really won't be any need to tell her how much you'll miss her. I'm sure she knows that already. Help her celebrate her achievements and everything she's done for you. Shauna

Hi, I am sorry you are dealing with this but you've come to a great place for info and support. Your Mom's story is quite similar to my Mom's. Mom's mass was about the same size and also in her right lung and she was 60 at dx. We are also Canadian so dealt with the same "system" you are. I'm not sure about pain meds. My Mom did't need them. I'm sure others will be along to advise on that. Tomorrow you should take a notebook to your Mom's appointment. If you have time beforehand, you might want to discuss questions with your Mom and write them down. Or just write down your own. Through out the whole process, you'll be bombarded with info. It's a good idea to write things down so always take your notebook. You're right in thinking you'll be refered to an oncologist. He'll likely order more tests to determine if and where it may have spread to. I would recommend getting your Mom to contact the Canadian Cancer Society. My Mom was buddied with a couple of people who had similar diagnosis, and they were very useful contacts for information and emotional support. If you have to deal with waiting lists to see an oncologist and/or to get treatment, let me know. I'll tell you what we did with my Mom. Feel free to send me a private message. Hope all goes well tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight. Let us know how it goes. Shauna

You definitely did the right thing by accepting the offer! Being a giver, you know how good it feels to make someone else happy. There is nothing like watching someone accept a gift that is just right for them. So by accepting this gift, you will in fact be giving a gift. Seeing joy in your family will be so worth it to you and to those offering the adoption. You owe it to yourself, your family, and the cancer center. Receive it with an open heart and know that next will be your year to give back. Have a wonderful Christmas! Shauna